Metodologías de desarrollo de proyectos

From the fieldwork and interview data, it was clear that the expectations of young females and males from a romantic relationship is different: young females look for an emotional support to build relationships for a long-term commitment whereas young males preferred to have sexual intimacies as a central feature within a non-committed short term relationship. Tara argues that physical intimacies are part of a love relationship and premarital sexual intercourse is not required to sustain a romantic relationship:

Tara (24F): I was in a relationship since the age of 18. I think the important thing in a relationship is to understand each other..

sit together.. to discuss how to make life better in future…

whether there is sex within the relationship or not.. this is not a problem.. even if it is that’s fine and even if it is not.. it is still fine.. the main thing is how well they support each other.. sex is not very important.. support is important.. “sex teti jaroori chaina.. support jaroori cha”… we had no physical (sexual) relationship.. it was nothing like deep.. but hugging and kissing.. these things happened as it happens in any normal relationships.. but nothing like deep physical (sexual) relationships..

Nepalese young females see their body as culturally constructed, are cautious about sexual intimacy within a relationship and prefer to delay sexual intercourse (Thornham, 2000). Females expect romance in the form of feelings, expressions of love, support and emotional attachment and prefer sex at the later stage within the context of an ongoing committed romantic relationship (Carroll, Volk and Hyde, 1985; Meston and Buss, 2007).

McRobbie (1991: 101) describes “romance is the girls’ reply to male sexuality.

It stands in opposition to their ‘just being after the one thing’, and

consequently it makes sex seem dirty, sordid and unattractive”. Dibya regards sex as an important aspects of a romantic relationship and believes that it becomes difficult to meet the romantic expectations of men without being involved in sexual intimacies.

Dibya (18F): Let me tell you about one of my friend, she was very cultural girl.. she used to say that she has a boyfriend and they were in a relationship but she always used to object for sex and used to say that they should have sex only after marriage.

Sometimes boy can breakup if they don’t get the physical relationship.. so I don’t know after how long they went into the sexual relationship or whether they had the relationships or not.. but she always used to claim that she will only have sex after marriage.. But we used to always make the point that obviously if you have a boyfriend then you will have sex.. how long will they wait to have sex.. so I think if you have sex like this after being in a relationship then its fine.. if I have really loved someone.. if we are in relationship for some time period.. then obviously its deserving to have sex in a relationship even before marriage.. if not then during relationships, they should not even kiss.. even that is a physical touch.. even kisses should be done after marriage..

Young females consider the longevity of a love relationship whilst making decisions towards the timing and willingness to engage in physical intimacies or sexual activity. Young females look for a committed relationship and then they are prepared to engage in sexual activity, if they feel it is required to sustain their relationship; whereas men want sex within a caring and trusting relationship to maintain the quality of a relationship (McCabe, 2005). Meston and Buss (2007) described that physical intimacy and sexual activity in an ongoing relationship is used to increase closeness, bonding, acceptance and commitment; which strengthen the romantic relationship or turn a short-term relationship into a long-term relationship. Romantic relationships are grounds for sexual intimacies and young females are likely to be a compliant partner by putting a male’s sexual desire ahead of their own to avoid trouble in a relationship and promote commitment and stability for a progressive relationship (Holland et al., 1998; Furman and Shaffer, 2003). Nepalese young females often fail to challenge masculinity and are therefore expected to respond to the traditional patriarchal culture (Blackman, 1998). The sexual compliance of females in order to maintain a romantic relationship -together

with the shyness towards sexual intimacies- induce difficulties in communication, decrease responsiveness and lower sexual interaction and satisfaction; affecting the quality of a relationship, which may lead to a

‘breakup’ (Impett and Peplau, 2003; Arroyo and Harwood, 2011; Rowsell and Coplan, 2013). Dinesh explains:

Dinesh (18M): Currently, I am not in a relationship. After coming to the UK in last 2.5 years, I had couple of relationships that lasted just 5-6 months each… [RKS: Why?]… It was very difficult to have sexual relationships with Nepalese girls “Nepali haru sanga sexual relationships huna dherai garo bhayo”.. In 5-6 months we hardly had 1-2 times.. they felt very shy.. I used to feel guilty and I felt like I was raping them and so I broke off with them..

Rishi (22M): Nepalese girls are like… once they are 20-21.. their main focus in a relationship is marriage.. but other girls here are not like that.. there may be some girls (Nepalese) who does not focus on marriage but majority of girls are like that..

A number of young males in this research described that the lack of natural sexual compliance and women’s priority for long-term commitment within a relationship deters young males from getting into a romantic relationship with Nepalese women. Young men in this research were less serious in pursuing a long-term committed relationship, while females were constantly looking for their ‘Mr. Right’ and have an exclusive focus on an emotional love and being in a monogamous relationship in order to continue towards a long term relationship leading to marriage (Farvid and Braun, 2006; Rauer et al., 2013).

Females were more likely to engage in sexual intercourse with the male, if they expected to marry. On the contrary, males were more likely to seek sexual intercourse with the females they do not intend to marry.

Young males demonstrate their masculinity through actively seeking short term sexual relationships without commitments to increase the number of sexual partners -while females are expected not to engage in sexual activity and behave as a passive defender- and consequently, those permitting sexual intercourse are labelled as ‘easy or slut’ and are not considered to be eligible for marriage (Schmitt, 2003; Kelly, 2012: 465). Holland (2009: 408) quotes a

16-year-old woman “the girl is not meant to want sex, even if she does, and she’s not meant to say that she does, but I mean a boy, he’s meant to be sort of more dominant, ‘I want sex’, you know, caveman type of thing”. In the dominant masculine culture of Nepalese society, women’s sexual drive and motivation are seen as inferior compared to their male counterparts; who have more frequent and intense sexual desires (Baumeister, Catanese and Vohs, 2001). Young people’s construction of such sexual attitudes and behaviour is integrated into the wider sociocultural norms and its acceptance within the society.