Parents of children with ASD, as perceived by the sport providers, were embracers of paradox. This paradox, is both the embrace of a child with ASD while also clinging to a desire for ‘normal.’ The most evident way in which parents were perceived to be embracers of paradox was in hiding or covering up their child(ren)’s ASD diagnosis. Four sport providers articulated how parents often concealed diagnostic information.
…If I’m smelling something [i.e., suspect a disability]… You learn early on that parents reports about what their kids are capable is not always reliable. (Roman)
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…For many parents some parents have never been diagnosed. So there’s an unidentified need there and they don’t even want to acknowledge it. My child’s just a little slow. Or my child’s just still developing. (Jesse)
…They generally don’t tell us. When we secure contracts. They won’t mention that there’s a child in the class. A majority of them don’t. So we won’t know until we get there. (Liam)
…Some parents have children on the spectrum. They don’t put anything on their forms. And we find out from the coaches saying. (Reba)
When parents are not forthright with information regarding an ASD diagnosis, it is possible that this can be a challenge for sport providers. On the other hand, one sport provider had a
contrasting experience, with parents being more open with an ASD diagnosis.
I used to work at the YMCA so, it’s not like when we got the the children came in they were given a slip saying this child has ASD. We didn’t have that. But the parents usually gave us insight into if there was some sort of diagnosis. (Martin)
While it was not explicitly stated, these quotations reflect that overall knowledge of an ASD diagnosis as important and essential for sport providers, since it provides medical and personal information about the participants in sport.
According to sport providers, parents of children with ASD were also perceived to embrace paradox when holding certain expectations of their child(ren). Like sport providers, parents of children with ASD also garner expectations of their child(ren) and their abilities. Sometimes, reality exceeded the parents’ hopes for their child(ren), while other times, parents held high expectations that were unmet. On one hand, sport providers perceived parents of children with ASD as skeptics. Initially, parents often had skepticism that their child(ren) would
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be successful in the program. Yet, parents were frequently shocked and surprised at what their child was in fact capable of in sport. Sometimes children with ASD exceeded parents’
expectations, as was shared by the sport providers.
…Parents when they see their their child in and amongst others [with and without ASD] they get a different perspective of their child as well. And usually a more favourable. Like oh I never thought he could be that patient. You know at home, he could be, he never waits his turn, but look! (Thalia)
…And many parents that come to us are like but but that child’s been diagnosed with autism and my child isn’t and he’s done so much better. (Jesse)
…A lot of times some of the parents are like I didn’t think my kid was capable of doing that. Watching their kid actually perform a complex skill like basketball dribbling which they thought would not be possible. (Peter)
Although sport providers never took credit, one of the most prominent things that became apparent was the ability of sport providers to get children to achieve tasks or goals that parents could not or did not think were possible. As Jesse explains, “I’ve had parents walk up to me like, I had no idea that that’s all I needed to say to my child to get her to pick up a hockey stick. Or to listen to an instruction.” Altogether these comments by sport providers capture how parents experience shock or surprise when children with ASD exceed expectations. As reported by sport providers, perhaps to these parents, being able to do something ‘normal’ or acting ‘normal’ is a sign of hope, and so they cannot give up on their child(ren).
However, other times, children with ASD did not exceed their parents’ expectations. Consequently, these parents were perceived as unrealistic and too optimistic. This is echoed by Roman’s and Liam’s experiences with some parents. Parents will argue with sport providers
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saying “my boy or my girl is so much more” (Roman). Parents were even perceived as being too pushy. For example:
They [parents] were like ‘oh c’mon do this do this’ when I would come to see them doing their skills, the dad would be like ‘show him show him he’s gotta see this.’ And I would always see him shy away. And I would tell the parents…‘let them progress at their own pace.’ Maybe the confusion happens if it if they’re not sure. Like if it’s undiagnosed. But even afterwards they’re kind of like they see they see the other kids. ‘Like why isn’t my kid like that? Why can’t he do this? Or it’s like he just wants to give you a high five, do it.’ And that was some parents, they they handle it better than others. (Liam)
According to sport providers’ perceptions of parents, parents of children with ASD attempt to normalize their child(ren)’s performance or behaviour, in and through sport. It is possible that parents of children with ASD who appear too optimistic, too pushy, or unrealistic may not accept the limitations of ASD. Though it is important to highlight that parents of children with ASD should not be faulted for being optimistic or hopeful, as the paradox captures an understanding of their children’s abilities in relation to the social construction of normalcy. For parents of children with ASD, there is a challenge in sport, because of the intersection of ASD signs and symptoms with the cultural expectations of what it means to be a ‘typically developing’ player. As seen above, a high five for example, a celebratory phrase to say great job in sport and which is taken as ‘simple’ or ‘easy,’ may not be so for children with ASD. What is captured in the accounts of sport providers are these contradictions, of what is expected against what is really happening, that parents of children with ASD have.
4.5 Perceptions of Sport and Children with ASD