CAPÍTOL IV. LOS BANCOS DE TIERRAS EN LA DES/REAGRARIZACIÓN
4. Resultados y discusión
4.2. Miradas emergentes sobre la tierra
Instead of taking the responsibility or seeing what we did to contribute to the breakup, we just point our finger at our ex and making them out to be the bad guy, the bitch, the asshole, etc.
Then, we go on this huge self-righteous parade and we rally all our friends against them.
We tell everyone what they did and how wrong they were. And sure, that’s fine. I get why we do that. It gives us some relief to hear other people tell us that that we’re right and that we really deserve better anyway.
Although that does help to a certain degree, it only helps you temporarily (and it actually hurts you in the long run)
Why?
Because when we do this, we feel like we were “right” and they were “wrong” and so we never really stop to look at things from a difference perspective.
Therefore, we never truly learn from it. We either end up picking the same kind of partner in the future or we end up making the same mistakes in our future relationships.
Well, since I’m not just a friend that will listen to your side of story and agree with you just because I’m your friend, I want to challenge you to actually look at how you may have contributed to the dynamic in your relationship.
Remember, it takes two to tango.
They may have been the one that cheated, or they may have been the one that did something wrong but the truth is that you accepted it for as long as you did.
So even if you are totally innocent (which I doubt you are), the fact is that you tolerated the dysfunctions, the problems, and the drama for as long as you did.
So it’s important to stop and look at why you tolerated it as long as you did so that you can learn from it and make sure you have a better way of dealing with it in the future.
I mentioned this in the very first section of this program when I said:
“A person’s self-esteem is directly correlated to how long they stay in a relationship that is giving them less than what they truly deserve”
For example: someone that has high self-esteem; who knows what they want and what they’re worth – usually doesn’t settle for less than what they truly deserve.
They also don’t tolerate toxic or dysfunctional behavior for very long.
They set healthy boundaries and they don’t accept toxic behavior.
If you accepted toxic behavior in your relationship, here’s a clue:
It may have something to do with your self-worth.
That’s just one little insight that may help you extract a lesson from your relationship It may also reveal some things that you need to work on before getting into another one.
Trust me, there are millions of other things that you can learn from it too. It really all depends on why you guys broke up. Unfortunately, I can’t possibly cover all the reasons that you and your ex may have broke up in just this one section alone.
Relationships are unique and people breakup for a variety of reasons.
However, although relationships are unique, they also have a lot of commonalities. After working with hundreds of people, I realized that there are really only so many things that can actually go wrong in a relationship.
Sure, there are a lot of things that can create hurt feelings and upsets but there are only a select few things that actually cause people to leave a relationship.
A lot of my clients really struggle with seeing what it really was that caused their partner to break up with them.
A lot of women often ask me…
“How can he just suddenly disappear without saying anything? I didn’t see any signs or anything. He just left and I’m stuck without any answers. What happened?”
They spend a lot of time obsessing over what happened, hoping he’ll call and give them some sort of explanation or closure.
A lot of men spend every single day and night analyzing everything that happened in the relationship, reading into every situation, trying to figure out what happened and where they went wrong.
A lot of times, they’ll get so fixated on all the surface level reasons that their ex gave them for leaving that they don’t ever really understand the deeper underlying reasons for why they left.
They think that if they could just somehow fix the reasons their ex gave them, everything would be fine again.
And then some men never get any real reasons at all. They just remember their ex-girlfriend being really negative, bitchy and difficult to deal with for a few weeks or months before the relationship ended. They noticed them being less affectionate, not laughing at their jokes anymore, and not wanting to have sex anymore.
Yet, they couldn’t seem to understand why.
Anytime they would try to talk to their ex or get an answer out of them, they would just get even more frustrated. Or sometimes they would just give them some sort of vague answer that didn’t really make any sense
After talking to lots of people and dissecting all the little details of their unique situation, I was able to help them understand what really happened in the relationship and where it fell off course. But even more importantly, I helped them learn from it so that they don’t make the same mistakes again in the future.
Now, I used to only be able to do this with clients in my private practice.
But as more and more people started coming to me for advice, I didn’t have enough time in my schedule to help each individual person with their specific situation.
So what I decided to do was create an advanced course called:
Why Your Ex Left (And What You Need to Learn From It)
In this course, I go into the 10 most common reasons that cause people to break up.
Then in part two, I go into what you need to learn from it so that you can become the kind of person that no man or woman would ever think about leaving.
To learn more about this course, just go to www.WhyYourExLeft.com There’s actually two separate courses … one for men and one for women.
If you’re interested in learning more about where your relationship went off course and what you could have done to save it, I’d highly recommend checking it out.
If you just want to learn from your mistakes so you know what to do in the future, I’d highly recommend checking it out too. After all, it’s a lot better to learn from it now so that you never have to go through this kind of pain ever again
Here’s the link where you can get it =>www.WhyYourExLeft.com
This course will give you an “inside-look” at what went wrong in your relationship, what you can learn from it, and what to do so you don’t end up repeating the same mistakes in your future relationships.
It also goes much deeper into why men just suddenly leave disappear out of the blue and how to become the kind of woman that no man would EVER want to leave.
I also cover why women suddenly lose attraction and start acting cold and distant in a relationship (and what you can do to KEEP her interest so that she never gets bored and leaves you for someone else).
To get this course, just go to www.WhyYourExLeft.com
Here’s an email that I got from someone that actually went through the course:
It’s great that even someone who is 48 can look back and see where they went wrong.
Yet, at the same time, it’s also kind of sad that they had to sabotage 3 separate relationships before they finally decided to learn what they were doing wrong.
One of my mentors and coaches had a great saying that said:
“You can leave a person without leaving the pattern” – Barbara DeAngelis Unfortunately, this guy played out the exact same pattern in every single relationship.
Plus, each relationship was probably somewhere between 1 year to 5 years, which means that he spent somewhere between 5-15 years of his life completely unconscious to what he was doing.
Pretty scary thought, right?
That’s almost a decade!
Luckily, he still has a few good dating years left (as he said in his message)
Hopefully he’ll find someone new and use what he learned in my course to make sure that his next relationship actually lasts.
By the way, if you find yourself struggling with a lot of the same issues that you had in your past relationships, I honestly cannot recommend this course highly enough.
Make sure you get it and learn what you do to sabotage your relationships so that you don’t end up doing it again in the future.
To get this course, just go to www.WhyYourExLeft.com There’s a great quote that I share in that course that says:
“A change in circumstances without a change in self simply recreates the same circumstances in a different situation”
Pretty crazy, huh?
Look, I don’t want you to have to repeat the same mistakes in your future relationships.
I want your next relationship to be different… radically different.
That’s why I think it’s so crucial for you to get this course and learn everything there is to know about relationships.
After all, that’s the purpose of the relationships that don’t last, right? To help us learn.
No relationship is ever a waste of time; the wrong ones teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones.
Unfortunately, most people just write these experiences off as “failed relationships”
They just place all the blame on their partner and say they weren’t “the right one”
Then, they immediately try to meet someone else, hoping to find “the one”
The person who would treat them right and give them everything they deserve.
Yet, they never stop to think about what they need to do in order to actually attract that kind of person into their life.
They just focus on finding “the one” rather than becoming the kind of person that would attract the one.
Or even worse, they just throw themselves back out there out of desperation.
They immediately move on to the next, desperately trying to find someone new to mask the empty void they feel inside.
Instead of truly dealing with it, they just try to cover it up with someone new.
Not only is this completely unfair and misleading to the person you’re using as a rebound, it’s also extremely destructive to you.
Sure, it may cover up the pain temporarily (which might make you feel like it’s helping) However, it’s really only hurting you in the long run.
Why?
Because it’s preventing you from actually stopping to reflect on what happened.
You’re so consumed with trying to find someone else to solve all your problems that you have no time to actually stop and think.
And when you do think about the relationship, it’s usually only in the context of how this new person you met is nothing like your ex or how you just don’t feel that special connection with them.
No shit!
You just met them.
How are you supposed to feel that type of connection right away?
That took you years to develop.
Plus, you’re not really over your ex yet so you how can you even expect to have the space to feel that way about anyone else?
Right now, you don’t have the space to feel that level of love and connection.
Your ex still occupies a part of your hear.t
You have to heal your broken heart and untangle yourself from your ex if you ever want to fall in love again.
You actually have to open up a space in your heart to love someone else.
I show you how to do this in my advanced course on How to Find Love Again
If you want to learn more about it, email me at [email protected] In any case, it’s important to consciously heal right after a break up before you throw yourself back out there.
Otherwise, you’ll just end up attracting a bunch of users and abusers that are unconsciously dating in order to avoid facing their own relationship disasters.
Yet, this is what so many of us do.
Why?
Because most people aren’t willing to do the not-so-pretty task of looking at what they did wrong.
They don’t really challenge themselves to learn from their relationships.
They just get angry and bitter towards their ex (and often towards the opposite sex as a whole)
Newsflash: a bitter attitude about love is not a very pretty trait to someone who’s actually ready to love you with every part of their being.
In fact, you’ll end up pushing them away.
So please do whatever you can to heal and learn from it now so that this doesn’t happen to you.
It takes a great deal of maturity and self-awareness to be able to do this.
And sometimes, it’s not very pleasant.
When people actually stop and reflect on what they did wrong in the relationship, they often get bogged down by guilt.
They start beating themselves up for all the mistakes they made and they self-sabotage themselves.
No wonder why so many of us avoid it!
And it’s because of that very reason that so many of us end up playing out the exact same patterns in all our future relationships.
Then, after that relationship goes to shit too, we just jump back on to their self-righteous parade, proclaiming that all women are bitches and all guys are assholes.
We rally up everyone we can on our side, whining and complaining to all our friends about how all women are bitches and how all men are assholes.
We go on and on about how life is unfair and why this always happens to us.
I know because I’ve been there.
And let me tell you, it’s a crappy place to be.
Like I said earlier, it helps us cope with the situation temporarily.
It serves its purpose.
However, it doesn’t serve your highest purpose
I believe that relationships are meant to serve your highest purpose:
To learn, to grow, and contribute to others.
I want to make sure you do that so that you can extract all the valuable lessons from this relationship.
I also want to make sure that you use these lessons to have even better relationships in the future.