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In a survey conducted at the University of North Carolina, 89 percent of respondents said they believed rudeness of many types existed in the workplace. But only 1 per-cent of the same group said they ever indulged in rude behavior themselves.

Maybe they’re right. Maybe they never scream or interrupt or are intentionally unkind.

Other forms of rudeness, however, have become such a part of the business culture that those who indulge in them might not even consider them rude. But they are.

Some experts believe that casual dress policies have contributed to rudeness. They cite studies that show that a relaxed attitude toward dress is mirrored by a relaxed attitude toward manners.

Talking Points

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Do you ever do any of the following:

U Neglect to return phone calls?

U Notify only the successful candidate for a job and ignore the others who have interviewed?

U Have your assistant place a call and ask the other person to hold until you get on the phone?

U Swear in the office?

U Use a client or caller’s first name before you have permission to do so?

U Call others by their first names while retaining your own title?

U Introduce people only by first name?

U Neglect to identify yourself when calling someone else?

U Forget to use “please” and “thank you”?

U Continue to work on papers or at your computer when someone is speaking to you?

Let’s examine why these “business rude” behaviors are upsetting to people.

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You don’t have to respond to unsolicited sales calls or cold-calling job seekers, but a business-related phone call should be returned promptly. Don’t ever tell someone,

“I’ll call you back Thursday” and then not make the call. Even if you consider it a low-priority call, the other person may not, and to keep someone waiting all day for a call that never comes is inconsiderate.

The same goes for e-mail. If you’re working with someone and he asks for informa-tion or an update, it’s rude not to respond either with a return e-mail or a phone call.

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You needn’t respond to every unsolicited resumé you receive (although it’s polite to send a preprinted postcard or automatic e-mail that lets the job seeker know her materials went to the right place), but interviewees are in a different category. A job is not a small thing, and those you’ve interviewed may be on pins and needles, hoping they’ll be selected.

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Remember that you’re dealing with people’s lives. Have the kindness to notify all those who are waiting for word, not just the lucky person who got the job. To ignore the others tells them that they aren’t important enough to bother with—and there’s nothing more discourteous or disheartening than that.

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How rude is this? Very. It’s a clear signal to the person on the other end of the call that your time is much more valuable than his. It’s a crude and boorish way of estab-lishing a superior position. Many business leaders place their own calls. You can too.

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As someone who sometimes talks like a pirate, I admit that I was surprised when my assistant asked me to stop. Although I never directed my somewhat colorful language specifically at her, she objected to having to listen to it at all. I respected her for having the courage to tell me, and I toned it down.

With the “relaxed” language so prevalent in the rest of the culture, you might not be aware that impolite language is still offensive to many people. In fact, in some polls it tops the list of negative workplace behavior. Put a muzzle on it.

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You may use first names if you are peers, but if your clients or customers are older than you are or come from a culture in which formality is valued, ask if you may use their first names. And if you’re using the other person’s first name, don’t flaunt your own title. “Susan, this is Dr. Smith calling,” is pretty self-important. “Tom Smith”

works just as well and isn’t so condescending.

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A gracious introduction includes both first and last names and perhaps some iden-tifying information about both people. In a business setting, the subordinate is introduced to the person higher in rank. “Ms. Lotsabucks, this is my administrative assistant, Sharon North. Sharon, this is Ms. Lotsabucks, the CFO. Sharon is new to my department, but she used to work for Mr. Bluster at Amalgamated Widget.”

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Don’t make the other person indulge in a guessing game about who’s on the phone.

Here is a typical frustrating example:

“Good morning. Quality Communications; this is Twila Tessmacher.”

“Is Lex there?”

“May I ask who’s calling?”

“Frank.”

“Frank who?”

“Frank N. Stein.”

“From?”

“Cleveland.”

“Sir, may I have the name of the company?”

“Transylvania Trinkets.”

That’s a big waste of time, to say nothing about how vexing the cat and mouse game may be to both of you. The proper way to introduce yourself on the phone is to get all the pertinent information on the table right away. Once the person has announced herself, you respond, “Good morning, Ms. Tessmacher. This is Lois Lane at the Daily Planet. May I please speak with Lex Luthor?”

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Remember when your parents called “please” and “thank you” the magic words?

They still are. Use them liberally. “Get me the Robinson Report” doesn’t sound nearly as pleasant as, “Chris, will you bring me the Robinson Report, please?” And when Sharon gives it to you, be sure to thank her. Yes, she’s just doing her job, but courtesy is never wrong, and it’s often the small things that employees appreciate most. Don’t forget, an appreciative employee is one who stays on the job—and that saves both time and money.

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If you’re working and you receive a phone call or someone comes to your office door, have the courtesy to acknowledge her presence; stop what you’re doing and give the

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person your attention. If you can’t—if you’re on deadline or in the midst of a project that requires your full concentration—explain that you’re sorry, but you’ll have to ask her to call you back or drop in later. Don’t just keep on working as if she wasn’t standing in front of you. That’s rude.

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When you’re bombarded by rude behavior, you may want to put a stop to it. The steps are the same as in any other confrontation: “I See,” “I Feel,” “I Want.”

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When you’ve been brushed off or pro-voked, you may be tempted to be equally provocative—to use sarcasm and bitterness to make your point. It won’t work and it will make things worse. The idea is to put an end to rudeness, not to further fan the flames. Walk away with dignity, go to a neutral corner, breathe, and prepare your approach.

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Don’t rely on hints or third-party messages delivered by others. Speak specifically to the person who was rude to you and don’t water down what you need to say. Couch it in strong I-messages such as, “I have something I need to discuss with you,” or “I need to clear the air on an issue that’s bothering me.” Avoid such openings as “You have a big problem with me,” or “What do you have against me?” These types of openings create defensiveness from the outset, and the conversation is doomed.