If you’ve been with your partner for a while, you probably have a lot of built up emotional cruft in your relationship.
By “cruft” I mean you’ve got old fights, slights, weird events, infidelities and wounds in your relationship that make it hard for the two of you to calm the heck down and really enjoy each other.
Over the months or the years, this cruft can poison your relationship. For women in particular, it can be hard to let go of negative emotions enough to get truly passionate and physical or to want to romance the man in your life at all. I’ll tell you right now, if you go into this program holding on to your baggage it’s going to be really hard to get the results you want.
If you’re a guy who’s ever been frozen out of having sex with the woman in your life after a fight, this is why. It’s not that she doesn’t have a sex drive. It’s that sex and emotion are so tightly bound for women that her body shuts down to you until the emotional rift that’s been created is healed.
Obviously, I don’t know the details of your particular relationship. . . how close or distant you and your partner are or what events happened in your life to get you where you are now.
But I do know that in order to get the most out of the Text the Romance
Backsystem, you’re going to have to do two important things:
You have to forgive your partner for whatever they may have said or done to you in the past. (Going back to our can’t make you happy idea, your partner can’t really do anything to you either. Your partner does what they do, and you react to it how you react to it.)
(CAVEAT: If your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/alligator is phys- ically or emotionally abusive, that’s a different story. In that case, no matter how much it hurts, you should seek professional help and do everything you can to get yourself to a safe place. You should go see a qualified therapist to help you put the pieces of your self esteem back together properly and use this TRB stuff in the future with someone more worthy of your attention. No joke. I’m totally serious here.) Plain and simple: in any relationship (romantic or otherwise) FORGIVE-
NESS IS POWER. As long as you hold a grudge against your partner,
you’re giving them a tremendous amount of power over your life and your emotions. Now I’m not saying you should forget the fights or what- ever slights may have happened. As the old adage says, “we always hurt the ones we love.”
But I am saying that in order to really have a great relationship full of all the romance you deserve, you need to let go of any need you might have for them to wholeheartedly apologize, give you recompense for what happened or be punished.
Right here, right now, you need to FORGIVE your partner for being a hu- man being, for making mistakes, for being flawed and even for hurting you (whether they meant to or not.)
Just like you, your partner is a human being, and human beings aren’t perfect. Heck, we aren’t even close. Only by forgiving your partner for being flawed and accepting them as they are, can you really get into the juicy, sweaty, wonderful fun stuff.
Got it? Good.
You need to forgive yourself. This is even more important. When
things get bad in a relationship, it can be really easy to beat yourself up or be down on yourself for messing things up. You could spend hours or days playing the “woulda shoulda coulda” game in your head after a fight, trying to figure out how to fix things.
It’s time to stop. You, just like your partner, are a human being full
of frailties and desires you have no control over. And that’s fine. You don’t need to be perfect (physically, emotionally or mentally) to have a fantastic relationship. No matter what happens in your relationship or how you messed up, it’s OK.
Heck, this extends well outside the confines of your relationship. I meet people every day who drag themselves over the coals for every little thing in their lives, or who have such low self esteem and horrible self images they can’t even see the sun.
Plain and simple, there’s NOTHING more unattractive in a person than self loathing and rock bottom self esteem. If you don’t LIKE yourself and think POSITIVE thoughts about yourself you’re never going to awaken that irresistible attraction in your partner.
So let’s play a little game.
This is your first assignment (there’s going to be a bunch more). Next time something goes wrong in your life (or if there’s something that’s really pulling you down now) go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and say, “I forgive myself.”
Do it hundreds of times if you have to. Fake the smile for now and eventually it’ll be real.