At least seven participants described encountering the course and the material with some reservations. Three expressed being doubtful before the course began that the techniques would be useful. For example, Irv said:
“When someone says ‘but if you learn to breathe correctly or in a more appropriate fashion [or] beneficial way you will see a difference’ [] I’d read about it but I didn’t really think it would make any difference.” (Irv: 1073-1081)
This is somewhat similar to Lucy who, as described elsewhere, almost did not attend the intervention because she anticipated it would not help her. Daniel also
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spoke of doubts potentially affecting attendance. He referred to religion and anticipating that facilitators might attempt to impose this on their attendees:
“Some people might think, ‘oh my gosh you go to somewhere like that and they’re going to try and er convert you to Buddhism’ [] … [] I wondered at first whether it would be like that.” (Daniel: 779- 811)
It seemed that eventually, none of these reservations impacted upon individuals’ engagement with the course or material long-term. Each participant described themselves gaining from what they were taught. Whereas Lucy and Daniel’s reservations appeared to diminish during the course, Irv remained sceptical of the material throughout, experiencing a change of heart some months after. For Irv, it was the perceived simplicity of the techniques which acted as a barrier, leading him to conclude that they were not “useful”:
“They didn’t really register as being useful. In fact, quite often I felt resentful because I was being told things that sounded so fundamental. [] I thought, ‘well, I want to hear something a little bit more technical’.” (Irv: 290-298)
Interestingly, after time, the simplicity of the techniques changed from a barrier to an enabler:
“I then, some months later, realised that it’s simplicity that is the key. It’s not too difficult to learn to breathe properly, it’s not too difficult to have a pattern of relaxation, and it benefits you immensely.” (Irv: 298-306)
It seems that it was the application of the techniques and the actual experiencing of benefits that led to Irv’s reappraisal. Unfortunately, Harriet had quite a different experience. Her hopes for the course remained unmet as she lacked connection
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with the material and noted little improvement. Harriet described remaining cynical throughout the course, continuing to be doubtful of the utility of mindfulness for her at the interview. Harriet seemed to have missed the essence of mindfulness, understanding this and relaxation as the same thing:
“It’s relaxation [] it’s nothing new”. (Harriet: 1130-1138)
Since Harriet had practised relaxation for many years, this misconception appeared to be a significant block for her, leading her to conclude that there was nothing more she could get out of the practices than she already had. Not only did this appear hugely disappointing for Harriet, but, understandably, she became angry about what she perceived as repackaging and the exploitation of herself and others:
“I thought that’s ridiculous … [] they’re presenting it as something new and people have been taken in by it”. (Harriet: 1174-1183)
As we might imagine, it seemed Harriet’s trust in the MBI organisers or developers was damaged. She described guessing at the agendas behind the exercises she felt confused by and thinking the worst. Part of Harriet seemed to conclude that underlying the course was the assumption that individuals were fabricating the nature or severity of their condition:
“What’s the point of it? [] Are they trying to get us fitter because we’re quite out of condition?” (Harriet: 1305-1308)
For two participants, Richard and Harriet, scepticism seemed to be a part of their identity that they could not switch off. Richard said:
“My main personal characteristic is this sceptical one. I think in some ways it’s kind of preventing me from totally accepting it [mindfulness] as a philosophy and perhaps getting more out of it.” (Richard: 1837-1846)
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There seemed wistfulness in Richard’s account, a yearning to let go of his scepticism and reap the benefits he saw others on the course experiencing. Likely based on his observation of his course peers, Richard seemed to believe that if one could truly give oneself to mindfulness it might dramatically change one’s life. Richard talked of a way he might be able to put more faith into the techniques:
“I would like to have a better intellectual understanding of the evidence for its benefits, so that I can put that against my personal experience of it, and perhaps enrich it, and say well, you know, there is good research evidence for doing this therefore I should apply more.” (Richard: 1861-1874)
Richard seemed to be ignoring his personal experience that he found, and continued to find, some of the techniques unhelpful. In a sense, Richard appeared to appraise his experience and what his body was telling him as unimportant. Instead, I feel Richard was searching for an academic “truth”, a truth which advocated mindfulness and one in which he could believe more than his own personal experience.
Harriet espoused a similar experience. She too spoke about scepticism as part of her identity and she described questioning whether her facilitator and peers were experiencing a placebo effect:
“They just seem to believe so wholeheartedly that it will help them and it has [] and you think, well I don’t know what came first.” (Harriet: 503-508)
She questioned also whether timing was a mechanism of change:
“It just changed her life, you know. It made a huge difference, and part of me thinks, ah, it was just the ri- it was just that particular time, wasn’t it.” (Harriet: 455-461)
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Like Richard, Harriet seemed to subscribe to the belief that, if one could truly give oneself to mindfulness, it might make a huge difference to one’s life. Again, contained within Harriet’s account is a sense of wistfulness. It seemed Harriet wished she could put faith in mindfulness the way she perceived others to, because she desperately desired for herself the benefits others seemed to have gained:
“I blame myself, and think if I’d done that it might have helped me more”. (Harriet: 509-512)
It appears quite clear that facilitators had an enormous influence on individuals’ perception of mindfulness and it’s potential. In the following section we look more closely at the facilitator as a barrier, considering how facilitators’ guidance and delivery impacted individuals’ understanding of and engagement with the material.