Jewelry given as gifts to celebrate some of the main events in a family can become quite important for the family. Ring finger rings were discussed earlier in this book. In addi- tion to weddings, the women I interviewed mostly told me about two other events where jewelry is received: giving birth and anniversaries.
7.1.1 PRESEntS FOR giving biRth
Giving birth is dense with rituals in most cultures. These rituals are not only related to jewelry, but are rather related to bodily changes and the new life. Earlier these may have included, for example, cleaning the mother’s body when transforming her into her new role as a mother. Nowadays one of the foremost forms of celebrating a mother-to-be is to host a baby shower for her. Often at baby showers, the women who are already moth- ers share their knowledge of mothering and give the new mother gifts for carrying out her new role successfully (Fisher and Gainer 1993). In addition to this, jewelry as gifts also plays a small role in giving birth. Many of the women said that their husbands had rewarded them with jewelry after giving birth.
In the following quotation Emma is talking about a bracelet she had received from her mother who had received it from Emma’s father (see picture on p. 53). Emma has four siblings and after each child her father gave her mother a new heart-shaped charm for her mother’s silver bracelet. There are three other charms on the bracelet as well, one is from her parents’ first trip together to a World Fair, one has five keys and represents their five children, and the last one is a horseshoe shaped charm with a flat round disc in it. The disc has letters on it and when one spins it the letters construct the sentence “I Love You”.
P: So, do you have any pieces from your mom or any earlier generations?
E: I do. I have a charm bracelet that was my mom’s that my dad given her probably when they first met. My mom is 82, so that was a long time ago. My dad passed away when I was little girl. So, I have that. That’s about it, though.
P: How did it end up as your possession?
E: My mom gave it to me. She had a couple pieces; she gave something to my sister. I think it was a locket and she gave me the charm bracelet because she did not wear it anymore. Then, she had her wedding ring reset long time ago. And, she had a gold setting and she gave that to my youngest brother and he had a diamond put into it when he got engaged for his wife. But, she did not have a lot jewelry. She was very young, she was 38 when my dad died. She had five kids to take care of so she wasn’t … wear a lot of jewelry. But, I still have that charm bracelet. But it is pretty delicate, so I don’t… I am pretty careful with that.
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P: Can I see that?
E: Sure, I’ll get it. (…) Isn’t it terrible? I put in the safe place… P: Oh, it is so beautiful. And you said that your mom got it as… E: From my dad
P: When they had just met?
E: Actually, each thing here… he would add into it. I don’t know… You see there is five hearts, and there were five kids.
P: Do you know which is yours?
E: No. And, this… this is … when you spin it… you see these letters… when you spin it says “I Love You”.
(emma 52 yrs)
Each part of this bracelet has a meaning and an associated story. Each heart-shape charm represents new life in the family. For Emma, they also signify her parents. She is not wearing this bracelet anymore because it is so delicate and she is afraid of losing it. Quite simply, it carries too many memories to be subjected to the risk of getting lost. Instead, she keeps it in a safe place.
Emma was not the only woman who told me how fathers were often “rewarding” the mothers when they had given birth. This phenomenon is well-known in the industry as well. Some companies in the USA and Finland have collections for this purpose. However, no woman that I studied had received this particular “pushing present” jewelry, as it is sometimes called in the United States. Rather, they had jewelry that was specifically created for them, or contributed to their pre-existing jewelry collections.
7.1.2 AnnivERSARiES
All of the women in my study had received many kinds of gifts from their significant others. A good deal of these gifts consisted of jewelry. A special case among these gifts were wedding anniversary gifts on anniversaries like the 5th, 10th, 20th, 30th and 40th and
so forth. These gifts are sometimes related to obligations over and above just the occasion itself. As I mentioned earlier, especially among American women, the original diamond on an engagement ring can be updated on the most important wedding anniversaries.
In the following quotation Anita talks about her updated ring, which she would like to have updated again. She was engaged 26 years ago and was married the following year. After being married for ten years, she had received her current diamond ring but now, fifteen years after receiving it, she is not pleased with it anymore. When she received the anniversary ring, she chose it together with her husband and she got the ring she loved. Now she thinks that yellow gold is not her style anymore and she would like to have a new one made of white metal.
A: Well, this isn’t actually my engagement ring. I got this for my ten year anniversary. So, my engagement ring is upstairs in a box. But, for our ten year anni- versary I got a new diamond and a new setting. And then I actually had to get a new band because my original wedding band was wider. So it was too wide and I couldn’t wear both of them together. So, my husband and I both got these like very flat bands, just simple bands for our tenth anniversary. Now, since then… I don’t wear [yellow gold]… I mean gold is not
my favorite… even though it is coming back again. I own lots of gold.
But I’ve always wanted to do white gold or plati- num. But, just had never… It’s been in a low priority for last… So, I do kind of feel that it sticks out and it doesn’t really go with me but I still wear it every day. Because, I want to. But, I would love to switch to white gold I haven’t got there yet. Some day.
P: How about the original engagement ring? (goes to get the ring)
(…)
But, it’s pretty and I like the princess cut and it is little more modern than this. It’s more me. But, like I said, the yellow gold setting… every time I look it I can just say it is wrong. It should be different.
P: But back on that time that wasn’t wrong? A: Oh no, it wasn’t. Yellow gold was still in and
Anita’s new ring finger rings. Anita’s original engagement ring.
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it is still in. And I thought the setting was so cool because… but you know how you change… you’re what you like and what you don’t like.
(…)
P: Can I take pictures of them?
A: Sure. (puts her hands under the faucet) I’ve gained so much weight, I can’t get them off. This is another reason why I can’t get resetting. I can’t get them off. (anita, 51 yrs)
Marcel Mauss has discussed the reciprocal gift exchange where the gift giving and receiving action is a sort of an ongoing loop (2006). According to him, the receiver is always obligated to give a reciprocal gift back to the giver. In the case of anniversary gifts, women who receive expensive gifts from their husbands are not expected to reciprocate. The anniversary gift from the husband is for receiving something else in the relationship. It is as if being a wife or providing children are good enough reasons to justify these gifts. Obviously, women also give gifts in relationships, but they are often rather more practi- cal than jewelry: for example, clothes, records, or knives. Also, even though the upgraded ring finger rings were gifts for wives they were often considered possessions of the couple rather than just the wife.