For the Shona, marriage is not an event but a long drawn out process that does not take place at one single moment of time, but is a culmination of a series of instructions, meetings, negotiations, and ceremonies.101 The process starts off with the love proposal. The love proposal in traditional society takes two forms. The young man either makes the choice and seeks the approval of his elders or the elders make the initial choice and seek the approval of their son.102 Among the Shona it is usually the vanatete (aunties) and vana sekuru (uncles) who scout around for a suitable young woman for their nephew when he is ready to marry. Aquina explains the rationale of this practice:
Initially there was no question of you (prospective groom) making choice because who are you in this marriage? You are not just marrying for yourself and you could not make the right choice on your own. It was a family decision. Our culture did not agree with an individual‟s choice if it excluded the family because you married the person for life and the person was married into the family.103
Thus, the family plays a key role in deciding the person to be married into their family. Alternatively the young man could initiate a love affair as already stated. However he still has to seek the guidance of his elders before making a move. Chigwedere explains the traditional procedure in clear terms:
The traditional way of doing it was that, if a young man spotted a girl who attracted him, he went back to his elders such as the aunt, the uncle, the grandfather or even an older brother to hint he had feelings for a particular girl. Much of what happened thereafter did not depend on him, but on the elders.104
101 Adrian Hastings, Christian marriage in Africa, (London: SPCK, 1973), 30; Kileff also observed that the
traditional marriage system reveals an intricate system of rules. Relatives must be informed of the marriage in a specific order, family consultations and the selection of a mediator (munyai) must follow certain procedures and the prospective in-laws have to be approached according to a strict etiquette. Clive Kileff, ed., Shona Folk Tales (Gweru: Mambo Press, 1987), 4.
102 According to Chigwedere “occasions when a young man initiated a love affair in our traditional society were
far fewer than occasions when it was started for him from another corner.” A. S Chigwedere, The Karanga
Empire (Harare: Books for Africa 1985), 24.
103 Aqina, op cit, p. 24.
One of the reasons why the elders played such a key role at this proposal stage was that they were the ones who had more knowledge about the woman‟s or man‟s family (young people were encouraged to marry from those of their own community, kuroorana vematongo). The reputation of the family was a key consideration – hence the dependence on the wisdom of the elders. Chigwedere elaborates this point further:
Because the boy was young and inexperienced, he did not know the „good‟ families to marry into. He had to depend on the knowledge and advice of his elders and relatives before formal approaches were made… To these traditional Africans, to marry into an unknown family was a serious and dangerous adventure, which no elders could sanction lightly.105
The family of the woman were equally concerned to know the boy‟s family background history.
After a proposal the young woman informs her paternal aunt before making any response to the suitor. The aunt then carries out a thorough investigation of the suitor and his background. When the investigation has been done the paternal aunt then mentions the news to the woman‟s mother, who would in turn inform the father. It is only after this stage of approval by the family through the aunt (since parents never speak directly to their children about their love affairs) that the young woman could really break the good news to the man, who would have waited for months. Such a protracted process of proposing demands patience and persistence from the suitor.
The second stage in the process of marriage is the exchange of love tokens. The love token acts as an indication of mutual love and betrothal of the girl and boy. There is also agreement that the girl‟s paternal aunt is a key witness to this proceeding. From that stage on the two
lovers fall into the background of the marriage drama. Should either of them break the engagement promise for no valid reason, the other could sue for damages at the dare.106
The third stage in the marriage process is kuroora (roora payment), which is marriage negotiations. There is need here to give a brief explanation of what roora really is. The noun
roora stems from the infinite verb kuroora (to marry). Muroora, (daughter-in-law) is a
derivative from the same verb. Roora denotes the material settlement agreed upon to legalise a marriage. It confers rights to the man as well as the woman to claim that his or her partner is his or hers. Roora is paid by the man to the woman‟s family. Hitherto, the concept of roora has been applied only in the context where woman are concerned, basically because it is the women about whom the settlement is reached. The payment is made to authenticate the relationship itself, as well as an approbation of the relationship, by the two marrying families. However, for the man and his clan, the importance lies in the fruit of the womb rather than just in the marriage union. Without this fruit the union would plunge into a serious predicament. This then emphasises the fact that a gay or lesbian relationship would be viewed as an abomination as it is not procreative. Consequently, in the case where a woman fails to bear children for her husband her paternal family is responsible for making arrangements either to have their daughter treated if possible or provide someone who can bear children for their son-in-law; in most cases a niece is provided. Roora means much more than a love token, roora relates to a specific gender – it is feminine, it is for the woman; it is not just a woman but a woman whose womb is fertile.
Now, going back to explain how roora is paid. The consent of both the man‟s and the woman‟s families is crucial before the marriage negotiations begin. When the father is
106 Bourdillon noted that breaking the engagement because one had a new lover is not considered a good or valid
informed the marriage negotiations begin. When the man‟s father is informed of the planned marriage then “a family council is called, in which the merits and demerits of an alliance with the young woman‟s family are discussed. The father‟s sister has the final word to say, and if she is against the proposed marriage it is unlikely that negotiations will be initiated.”107 The opinion of vatete is seriously considered not just because of her status in the family but because she would have carried out thorough investigations about the woman and her family. On the same note the woman‟s aunt, would have undertaken the same exercise about the man‟s family. If the family agrees to the proposed marriage then munyai – a go-between (a family friend of the girl‟s parents) will be chosen to win the consent of the woman‟s family.
On the other hand the whole family council of the woman‟s relatives, which includes her father‟s brothers and sisters, and the woman‟s own brothers and sisters and her mother, is called soon after the munyai‟s first visit to announce the news. “All must give their consent to the marriage, because the alliance binds not only the future husband and wife but all the members of their family.”108 It is only after such consent had been granted that the marriage process moves to the next stage, which is the actual payment of the roora. The groom‟s relatives will collectively contribute to the settlement of roora. This joint approach is well expressed in the Shona adage roora rinoitwa pamwe, which means contracting marriage is group collaboration. Chigwedere‟s words express this collective approach when he said “lobola payments for the bride came from his parents and close relatives.”109
107 Aquina, (1963) p. 29
108 Aquina, (1963) p. 30
109 Chigwedere further remarks that this practice made the young man fear to embark on relationships that were
not sanctioned by the elders who were going to pay the lobola for him. A. S Chigwedere, The Karanga Empire (Harare: Books for Africa 1985), 25. Quite often the lobola, especially cattle, procured from the marriage of the woman was used to pay for the marriage of her own brothers or her brother‟s sons. The other source of bride wealth is the groom‟s father or elder brothers. This collective approach in payment of roora meant the bride was married into the family and not just by an individual.
Bride-wealth is given not to purchase the woman to be married; its social and religious implications are much more significant. Roora is regarded as a form of thanksgiving to the wife‟s people for the care they have taken of their daughter. It fosters and solidifies bonds of relationship that are difficult to sever. In terms of kinship, therefore, bride-wealth both cements and expresses kinship ties. It also fosters solidarity among and between the two clans concerned in that the roora is given communally, it makes the marriage difficult to break on account of its social psychological and ritual significance, and it gives the children of the union legitimacy and identity.
It is also important to note that the bride-wealth is settled over a long time after the initial token of cattle has been given. The rest comes with the birth of children to the husband. The Zande system of marriage can be likened to that of the Shona people where bride-wealth cannot be given all at once because at the beginning the marriage is only an „embryo‟. But “as it matures the payment of the bride-wealth and all other customary observances between members of a marriage group become more pronounced”110 After the birth of a child, the woman is truly incorporated among her husband‟s people, so much so that in the event of her death she must be replaced. Conversely, if she survives her husband, one of his brothers or relatives must take her on in the name of the deceased.
Kupereka (handing over of the bride) is the last stage in the process of marriage among the
Shona people. This is a stage when the bride will be escorted by the aunts, sisters and other close female relatives. Although the bride‟s family has given her away in marriage, she remains their daughter, and they have to be consulted if there are any issues of concern that affect her life. What is important to note is that any subsequent problems or difficulties that
may have arisen later like childlessness are dealt with in this context and with respect to this established marriage relationship. It was not a tentative marriage arrangement but a fully valid and sanctioned marriage by the two families. Therefore, having enumerated the process, one can conclude that the process seems to present problems for any sexual relationship that do not have procreation as its ultimate goal, in this case homosexuality.