Our self-image is composed of qualities we attribute to ourselves, ways in which we see ourselves and would like to be seen by others. Three aspects of this image are particularly important in determining our sense of well-being: self-esteem, self-respect, and self-confidence. Thus the self- image is a triangular affair, with the three bases of self-regard bound together in mutual support or mutual decline. For example, when our
The Self-Image of Guardians 93 self-esteem diminishes, I believe this undermines our self-respect and self- confidence. In the same way, as we gain self-respect, it is easier for us to keep up our self-confidence and self-esteem.
Different types of character, however, base their self-image on entirely different attributes. Since having a good opinion of ourselves is a major key to our happiness, and often to our success, we would do well to pause for a moment to compare the four types on this all-important aspect of personality:
Self-Image
Self-Esteem Self-Respect Self-Confidence
Thus to feel good about themselves Guardians must see themselves, and be seen by others, as dependable, beneficent, and respectable, while other attributes, like authenticity and
autonomy, are likely to contribute little to their sense of well-being. This triangular relationship between de pendability, beneficence, and re spectability is shown in the figure at the side. Note how dependability re inforces beneficence, which rein forces respectability, and so on.
Whether or not they are mutually reinforcing, the paramount importance of these three attributes in undergirding our sense of well-being makes it advisable to look carefully at each of them.
Self-Esteem in Dependability
Guardian self-esteem is greatest when they present themselves as de pendable, trustworthy, or accountable in shouldering their responsibilities. “No matter what,” says the SJ, “you can count on me to fulfill my obligations and to honor my contracts.” Picture the traditional Guardian male: the loyal company man at work, performing his duties conscientiously, even working late to finish the job; and the faithful family man at home, washing the car, mowing the lawn, going to the kids’ games or recitals, remembering his wedding anniversary. Then there is the traditional Guardian female: working to keep the house clean, shopping, preparing meals, dressing (and ferrying) the children, volunteering her time at school and church, and finding that special gift for her husband’s birthday.
Unfortunately, the Guardian’s tireless sense of dependability can take its toll. The problem is that SJs seem almost incapable of refusing added responsibility. If there is a job to be done, a duty to fulfill, Guardians feel
The Self-Image of Guardians Dependable
Respectable ^ ^ Beneficent
Guardians Rationals Idealists Artisans
Dependable Ingenious Empathic Artistic
Beneficent Autonomous Benevolent Audacious
somehow obligated to see that the task is undertaken, and brought to conclusion, even if they are already overburdened, and even if others are contributing far less than they. The Guardian worries, “If I don’t do it, who will?” and reluctantly agrees to shoulder the extra load—anything to keep from appearing irresponsible or shiftless. And thus a vicious circle is set up, with others coming to count on, and even to take advantage of, the SJ’s reliability. “Jane will do it,” becomes people’s attitude, with little awareness or appreciation of the demands this may make on Jane, who only too often is exhausted, sad, and perhaps even ill. Thus E.M. Forster describes Henry Wilcox, the Guardian banker in Howards End. Henry is not exactly “ill,” Forster says, just “Eternally tired. He has worked hard all his life.”
Guardians suffer when not appreciated for their efforts, but even worse they often fail to appreciate themselves and to find satisfaction in their own hard work. SJs seem burdened and obligated by their very nature—no matter how hard they work—and they spend much of their lives doing a thousand thankless jobs, apparently trying to discharge the feeling that somehow they haven’t done enough. Much like the beaver, who labors to stock his lodge with food for the winter, Guardians take on additional duties almost as if trying to stock their self-esteem against some future obligation.
Self-Respect in Beneficence
While self-esteem does not come easily to Guardians, they can develop a healthy self-respect based on their beneficence, which means doing good deeds. (This is quite different from benevolence or good will, which is an attitude displayed by Idealists.) SJs are natural Good-Samaritans, ever on the lookout for ways to help their fellow man, especially when it comes to matters of food, clothing, shelter, and transportation. SJs do a great part of community and church volunteer work, lending a hand with the Scouts or the Red Cross, candy-striping at hospitals, and helping the needy by col lecting and distributing food, blankets, toys, and the like. And Guardians serve tirelessly in their own homes. At the Thanksgiving or Holiday dinner, the SJ hosts (and even the SJ guests) will be found in the kitchen both before and after the meal, seeing to the cooking and the cleanup, worrying about the time, or if there’s enough food, and insisting that everyone go on and enjoy themselves. At the same time, it is the Guardian host who may also feel a bit put upon if a few guests don’t at least offer to help so that they can be shooed away. Of course, the SJ accepts all at the banquet despite the ingratitude of other character types, many of whom are quite happy to be the so-called “members of the wedding” and eat their fill at the SJ’s expense.
The care of others, particularly the young and old, the impaired and infirm, and those in positions of authority, is another concern of the Guard ians, and they fill the ranks of the traditional service occupations: teaching,
The Self-Image of Guardians 95 accounting, secretarial work, clerking in banks, retail sales, civil service, housekeeping, barbering and hair dressing, dentistry, pharmacy, general medical practice, and nursing. SJs also make devoted public servants, seeing their role in government or the military in almost sacred terms of self-sacrifice and service to others. Once, when reading a document to his staff, George Washington begged indulgence for his aging eyesight: “Gen tleman, you will permit me to put on my spectacles, for I have not only grown grey, but almost blind in the service of my countrymen.” And in a speech to mark his appointment as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Colin Powell, in my view a Guardian, described a painting hung in the Pentagon of a soldier and his family kneeling in prayer on the eve of war. Under the painting is an inscription from the Prophet Isaiah answering the question, “Who will do the work of the Lord?” with the simple statement, “Send me.” Powell spoke of this inscription as “the essence of what we are supposed to be doing in this building—that’s serving....That’s the ultimate statement of selfless service: Send me.”
Although service to others comes quite naturally to them, Guardians do not do it freely and joyously; rather, they look upon their service as obligatory—to do otherwise is to be shiftless and selfish. In a sense, then, SJ self-respect is built on fulfilling their obligation to serve, and in turn the greatest blow to their self-respect is to become dependent on the charity or the service of others. The SJ must be the giver, not the receiver, the care taker, not the cared for. Witness the Guardian who goes to a party, but in order to have a good time helps the host serve the refreshments—and then insists on cleaning up afterwards. And though SJs make fine, caring physi cians and nurses, they are often miserable patients. When debilitated or ailing, SJs often seem grouchy and embarrassed to be receiving care, almost as if they feel derelict in their duties.
One twist on this pattern is worth mentioning. When on vacation, insofar as they can vacation (many never take the time), Guardians thor oughly enjoy being catered to and indulged. To take a short rest from their duties, to forget their responsibilities for a little while, to let themselves be served and entertained, this is the best kind of recreation for these nose-to- the-grindstone people. Even on vacation, however, SJs can feel a sense of obligation—an obligation to enjoy themselves!—and they will schedule their time to see the sights, to take the tours’ to visit the historical buildings or ruins, as if it’s their duty to pack into their trip (and to record in snapshots) as many must-sees as possible.
Self-Confidence in Respectability
Self-confidence can be a problem for Guardians. More than others, Guardians are innately modest, unassuming, even self-effacing—and putting themselves forward comes perilously close to showing off, a kind of behavior which they find truly repugnant. But if having confidence in themselves is difficult for SJs, being respected by others is a great comfort, and public
recognition is indeed the foundation of their self-confidence. Such recogni tion usually comes in the form of physical tokens of respect such as plaques, certificates, awards, and diplomas. The Guardian’s office or den may be conspicuous for its large display of such formal honors, side by side with photographs of awards ceremonies, autographed pictures of polit ical leaders, and photographs of spouse, children, and grandchildren. SJs take very seriously all of these public and personal honors, since being highly respected in their business, in their community, or by their family proves they have put in long years conscientiously doing their part.
Guardians will even take on extra burdens if they are sufficiently honored. Having successfully conducted the War of Independence, and having pre sided over the fierce intellectual battles of the Constitutional Convention with great dignity, George Washington was entreated by his fellow-delegates to become the first President of the United States. It was not his wish to become President. He had served long enough, he felt, and wished to retire to his home at Mount Vernon. But he could not resist this last call to duty, which can be summed up in the words of one Maryland official: “We cannot, sir, do without you.” Washington never thought of himself as worthy of such a grand position, but to be honored by others, to be chosen for a position of prestige and high standing, and then to accept the honor humbly—this is a scenario which fills the SJ with legitimate self-confidence and lifelong satisfaction.