Principales Adjudicaciones

Participants who harboured aspirations of activism discussed a feeling that

InstructAbility was the right place for them to achieve their goal of doing social missions in the gym. This feeling was reinforced through interactions they had with InstructAbility employees:

Kathleen: “I really like that she (tutor) says stuff like ‘when you are working’, ‘when you are with your client’, when you are in the gym’, ‘when you are helping someone with a disability’ because it does make it real and you see yourself in that position. I really get so excited thinking I’m going to be able to do all these things and I can’t wait to start helping people.”

ER: “So do you feel you are in the right place?”

Kathleen: “Oh so in the right place!” (Kathleen, 35, SCI)

Participants who desired belonging, however, felt InstructAbility employees reacted in a non-affirming way when they expressed their desire to do something other than activism in the gym:

ER: “So when do you think it all went down-hill?”

Mudiwa: “I think it was all ok until I said I wanted to start a women’s art club for women with disabilities and that the other women in my course should join. They asked if I wanted to be a gym instructor and I said that I thought this course would be

148 good to meet people and to get my knowledge up of how to improve and to make friends and have a nice social life, but then I think they started to not help me so much.”

ER: “In what way?”

Mudiwa: “Well I have dyslexia from the accident and at the beginning they would help me very much but now I think they do not spend time with me and maybe ignore me because they want to give more time to the people who want to be instructors. So they do not talk to me as much and I am failing now I think and I am not enjoying as I did. It is quite sad.” (Mudiwa, SCI, 55)

The InstructAbility environment played a key role in the validation or dismissal of participants’ reasons for doing the course. From the contrasting testimonies of Kathleen and Mudiwa (respectively in activism and belonging) it is evident that InstructAbility had a

preferred narrative they wished participants to align to. A preferred narrative is a story which

tries to connect peoples’ individual experiences to an ideal or preferred story (Mattingly, 1998). Contextually, InstructAbility’s preferred narrative was one of activism where

participants would use their experiences of disablism to help make the gym a more accessible, inclusive space for disabled people. This narrative is deeply rooted in the InstructAbility mission, “to support disabled people into a fitness career where they can encourage other disabled people to access leisure facilities and enjoy an active lifestyle.” (InstructAbility, 2017). Accordingly, this mission influenced what InstructAbility employees expected of their recruits. In essence, the narrative environment supported and valued a specific narrative while disregarding and silencing others (Gubrium and Holstein, 2009). A narrative environment is a socio-cultural environment and/or a physical location such as a gym or physical activity setting where certain stories are told and heard (Perrier et al., 2013). In this

149 thesis, the narrative environment promoted by InstructAbility was deeply rooted in doing social justice by promoting inclusion and diversity in the gym. As such, it invited stories from participants that were about activism and social missions rather than a sense of belonging.

As a result of this narrative environment, participants experienced contrasting validation and acceptance for their reason to do InstructAbility. For activists, they

experienced what can be termed narrative alignment. Narrative alignment occurs when a person’s experiences, the stories they tell and the narrative types available within the culture they find themselves in ‘fit’ (McLeod, 1997). In other words, one’s personal story aligns to the dominant story told and preferred by a narrative environment. Conversely, where

individuals fail to achieve narrative alignment (such as those in desired belonging) there may exist narrative tensions that can lead to the development of problems between individuals and the environment which they frequent (Crossley, 2000). This is evident as representatives of InstructAbility appeared to acknowledge and validate one groups reason for doing the programme (the activists) while invalidating and dismissing the other (those who desired belonging). For example, Mudiwa felt that she was given less support by InstructAbility tutors after she expressed her desire to start a recreational club rather than be a gym instructor. For activists, narrative alignment worked to enhance and sustain their sense of self by

cementing that what they were doing and who they were wanting to become was ‘right’; evident through Kathleen’s feelings that she was in the right place. For those who desired belonging, however, their confidence and sense of self was diminished as their reason for doing InstructAbility was not acknowledged as valid. Accordingly, the preferred narrative within this environment also did the work of oppression by silencing one groups lived experiences and motivations while placing more importance onto another groups. In other words, participants in desired belonging experienced similar instances of oppression they had

150 previously been subject to, but this time the oppressors were their peers and tutors.

Consequently, this lead to division in the once united group.