Principales principios y prácticas contables

Research that has considered the classed differences in maternal practices often suggests that middle-class mothers are more future oriented, whilst working class parents are more focussed on the present (Gillies, 2005; Vincent and Ball, 2007; Lareau, 2011). By contrast, both middle-class and working-class mothers in this study were forward focussed although there were differences in how they saw the future for their children. Their decision-making relies on knowledge of the perceived risks inherent in each possible strategy, however, it also relies heavily on access to the range of possibilities, and this is not distributed evenly across society. This is not to suggest that middle-class mothers are not also beset by doubts about their mothering ability, simply that it takes different forms and access to ‘expert’ knowledge it seems is no defence against uncertainty. As Miller puts it:

the practiced, recognisable, gendered and embodied self, which makes up our identity is challenged by the experience of first-time motherhood, over time a new social self as a mother has to be learned

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So, despite being medically trained, Heather, a paediatric nurse, and Vanessa, a medical doctor whose specialism is paediatrics, both express unwillingness to claim expertise as mothers. For both, neither their existing knowledge, nor the ability to source and

understand specialist information is sufficient to avoid being doubtful. Indeed, both were keen to stress that looking after a baby medically is not the same as mothering her.

Having access to information alone then is seen as at best unhelpful, compelling mothers to seek advice elsewhere. In so doing, they looked to other kinds of expertise including their own, garnered through knowing their own children, from the peer support of mothers who held similar social positions to them and family expertise of their own mothers,

grandmothers, sisters and aunts who had experience of bringing up children. In this way, expertise was perceived as something far broader than that lying with professionally trained individuals. Heather is very clear in her distinction between her professional and personal identities:

Heather: However, it is very different being a mummy to being a nurse. And that's

like, taking off your nursing hat and being a mummy is sometimes quite a challenge.

JC: Yeah. What - tell me why that's different?

Heather: When she was four months old, her weight had kind of tailed off, plateaued

and she was feeding, breastfeeding constantly and the health visitor was like, 'no don't wean her'. And I was like, 'I think she needs weaned. I really think she needs weaned' and the health visitor was very firm. 'No, she doesn't need weaned' and all that. So in the end, the GP saw us and the GP was, like, 'oh, her weight has totally dropped', because she'd had a cough for three weeks…and the GP referred us to the kids’ doctors at the RVI? Went in there and the first thing the consultant said was, 'oh, she needs weaned'.

Heather: And I said - and he sort of laughed about it and looked at me and he knows

me through my job. I said, 'it's really hard taking off your nursing hat and listening to another professional'.

JC: So which wins out for you? Do you feel stronger as the nurse who's capable who

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Heather: I think it's - I think it's really a grey area because there's some things that I

think, 'oh, if I was on the ward and that was a child on the ward, I would do this'. And on another occasion:

Heather: And, like, my mum and dad were actually here and I was asking my mum for

advice. And mum was like, 'you know what to do' and I was like, 'yeah, I know but …' and it was just that panic of it was the first time that [my daughter] was sick.

While Vanessa, although acknowledging that she is seen as a useful resource by friends and family, who ask her opinion about their children, separates the ‘theory’ from the ‘practice’ of motherhood.

Vanessa: I'm a paediatrician. [Chuckles]. JC: Oh wow. So you knew everything!

Vanessa: I don't know everything at all. I know all the theory [laughs] but not about

motherhood. But I know about children. [Chuckles].

Vanessa tells me that she is no longer breastfeeding her daughter who is four months old, but that she continues to go to the breastfeeding support group every week.

Vanessa: And- and that's nice because whilst you know the theory, it's nice for

someone else to say this is something my baby did when she was twelve weeks old or whatever.

What is interesting is that both women are confident in their role at work, and are I assume a source of reassurance for the mothers of sick children they deal with at work. Yet both take comfort in attending classes and speaking to other mothers, and neither is immune from the lure of baby books, although Vanessa is very clear that she does not use them unreflectively.

Vanessa: I think I've been quite selective in the ones I've used. For instance, there's

all - there's all the Gina Ford. Which is one extreme to the complete opposite of Gina Ford, kind of you- let the baby kind of just relax and do what you do. The- the books - I think - I think they put a lot of pressure on people. And I don't think they're right for every baby. And I don't think the whole book's right for one baby, I think little bits of it are probably right for little bits of the baby.

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In much the same way as Melanie and Laura discussed above, Vanessa is already sure that the combination of her expert knowledge and the experience she is gaining in looking after her first child, will improve her standing as a ‘good’ mother.

Vanessa: Whether that's because of my experience but, because of my experience

with her, I think things might change if I had another child; I might be a better mum. But that's through experience of being the mum and being around mums, I think. Although Vanessa can show a level of expertise beyond that of most new parents, she is demonstrating here her commitment to work on herself, to be a ‘better mum’. In part, this can be understood in light of the need for mothers to make decisions on behalf of their children, who are not capable of making these choices for themselves. In other words, as discussed in chapter two (2.10) the ‘non-negotiable moral obligation to put children’s needs first’ (Ribbens McCarthy et al, 2000: 791, emphasis in original). This is not for a moment to suggest that they don’t feel a responsibility towards the children in their care, but instead to suggest that the mother-child relationship is not reducible to a set of skills or techniques, nor solely to a set of obligations. Neither is it simply a loving relationship, but a complex mix of all of these personal, social and political factors.

In this discussion about how women learn about mothering, I have so far discussed books, television, professional and lay sources of advice. I now want to turn my attention to social media, focusing primarily on Mumsnet, which many of the women access, and indeed as discussed in chapter three, where I posted a request for participants.