Problemas asociados con otras fuentes potenciales de

Thi s s tory wa s publ i s hed when the drug s cene wa s bi g i n the medi a , a nd one res pons e to i t wa s tha t I wa s tryi ng to ca s h i n on a hot topi c. Tha t s truck me a s funny, gi ven my i nfa l l i bl e ta l ent for mi s s i ng wha tever boa t a l l the fa s hi ona bl e peopl e a re on— a nd a l s o i n vi ew of the fa ct tha t, i n a wa y, the poi nt of the l i l e s tory i s tha t Lewi s does n’t ta ke the chemi ca l tri p, but gets there on hi s own... wi th a l i ttl e hel p from hi s fri end.

But i ts not a n a n -drug s tory ei ther. My onl y s trong opi ni on a bout drugs (pot, ha l l uci nogens , a l cohol ) i s a n -prohi bi on a nd pro-educa on. I ha ve to a dmi t tha t peopl e who expa nd thei r cons ci ous nes s by l i vi ng i ns tea d of by ta ki ng chemi ca l s us ua l l y come ba ck wi th much more i nteres ng reports of where they’ve been. But I’m a n a ddi ct mys el f (toba cco), a nd i t woul d be pl a i n s i l l y i n me to cel ebra te or to condemn a nybody el s e for a s i mi l a r dependence.

As he s wa l l owed the s tuff he knew he s houl dn’t s wa l l ow the s tuff, knew i t for s ure, knew i t a s a dri ver knows the truck comi ng s tra i ght a t hi m a t 70 mph: s uddenl y, i n ma tel y, fina l l y. Hi s throa t s hut, hi s s ol a r pl exus kno ed up l i ke a s ea a nemone, but too l a te. Down the ha tch i t went, the bi t of bi tter ca ndy, the a ci d-drop, the s ourba l l , the peppy pa cket of power, etchi ng a l i ttl e corroded tra i l of terror behi nd i t a l l the wa y down hi s es opha gus l i ke a poi s oned s na i l s wa l l owed whol e. It wa s the terror tha t wa s wrong. He wa s a fra i d a nd ha dn’t known i t, a nd now i t wa s too l a te. You ca n’t a fford to be a fra i d. Fea r foul s i t a l l up, a nd s ends thos e few, thos e unha ppy few, a very s ma l l percenta ge, to the l oony bi n to cower i n comers not s a yi ng a nythi ng....

You ha ve nothi ng to fea r but fea r i ts el f. Yes s i r. Yes s i r Mr. Roos evel t s i r.

The thi ng to do i s rel a x. Thi nk good thoughts . If ra pe i nevi ta bl e—

He wa tched Ri ch Ha rri nger open up hi s l i l e pa cket (a ccura tel y compounded a nd hygi eni ca l l y wra pped by a coupl e of fel l ows pu ng thems el ves through gra d s chool i n chemi s try by the a pproved Ameri ca n method of free enterpri s e, i l l egi ma te to be s ure but thi s i s not unus ua l i n Ameri ca where s o l i l e i s l ega l tha t even a ba by ca n be i l l egi ma te) a nd s wa l l ow the s ma l l s our s na i l wi th forma l a nd del i bera te enjoyment. If ra pe i nevi ta bl e, rel a x a nd enjoy. Once a week.

But i s a nythi ng i nevi ta bl e bes i des dea th? Why rel a x, why enjoy? He woul d fight. He woul d not go on a ba d tri p. He woul d fight the drug cons ci ous l y a nd purpos eful l y, not i n pa ni c but wi th i ntent, a nd we’l l s ee who wi ns . In thi s comer LSD/a l pha , 100 mi crogra ms , pl a i n wra pper, the Ti beta n Whi rl wi nd; a nd i n thi s corner, l a di es a nd jungl emen, L.S.D./B.A., M.A., 166 l bs ., the Sonoma Sni vel l er, wea ri ng whi te trunks , a nd red s ui tca s es , a nd bl ue cheekpouches . Let me out of here, l et me out of here! Cl a ng.

Nothi ng ha ppened.

Lewi s Si dney Da vi d, the ma n wi th no l a s t na me, the Jewi s h Kel t, cornered i n thi s corner, s ta red wa ri l y a round hi m. Hi s three compa ni ons a l l l ooked norma l , i n focus i f out of touch. They di d not ha ve a rms . Ji m wa s l yi ng on the vermi nous s ofa -bed rea di ng Ra mpa rts , a tri p to Vi etna m he wa nted ma ybe, or to Sa cra mento. Ri ch l ooked torpi d, he a l wa ys l ooked torpi d even when s ervi ng free l unch i n the pa rk, a nd Al ex wa s ni tpi cki ng a round on hi s gui ta r. The i nfini te s a s fa c on of the chord. The s i l ver cord. Surs um corda . If he ca rri es a gui ta r a round why ca n’t he pl a y a tune on i t? No.

Irri ta bi l i ty i s a s ymptom of l os s of s el f-control : s uppres s i t. Suppres s everythi ng. Cens or, cens or. Fi ght, tea m, fi ght!

Lewi s got up, obs ervi ng wi th pl ea s ure the rea dy ea s e of hi s res pons es a nd the perfec on of hi s s ens e of ba l a nce, a nd fil l ed a gl a s s of wa ter a t the vi l e s i nk. Bea rd ha i rs , s pa t-out Col ga te, rus t a nd ra di s h droppi ngs , a s i nk of i ni qui ty. A s ma l l s i nk, but mi ne own. Why di d he l i ve i n thi s dump? Why ha d he a s ked Ji m a nd Ri ch a nd Al ex to come s ha re thei r s uga rl umps wi th hi m here? It wa s l ous y enough wi thout bei ng a n opi um den too. Soon i t woul d be l i ered wi th i nert bodi es , eyes droppi ng out l i ke ma rbl es a nd rol l i ng under the bed to joi n the dus t a nd rui n l urki ng there. Lewi s ca rri ed the gl a s s of wa ter over to the wi ndow, dra nk ha l f of i t, a nd bega n to pour the res t gentl y a round the roots of a s eedl i ng ol i ve tree i n a mended ten-cent pot. “Ha ve a dri nk on me,” he s a i d, l ooki ng cl os el y a t the tree.

It wa s fi ve i nches hi gh but l ooked very l i ke a n ol i ve tree, gna rl ed a nd dura bl e. A bons a i . Ba nza i ! But where’s s a tori ? Where’s the s i gni fica nce, the enha ncement, a l l the s ha pes a nd col ors a nd mea ni ngs , the i ntens i fica on of the percep on of rea l i ty? How l ong does i t ta ke the da mned s tuff to work? There s a t hi s ol i ve tree. No l es s , no more. Unenha nced, i ns i gni fi ca nt. Men cry Pea ce, pea ce, but there i s no pea ce. Not enough ol i ve trees to go a round, due to popul a on expl os i on of huma n s peci es . Wa s tha t a Percep on? No, a ny undrugged mea t-hea d coul d ha ve percei ved i t. O come on, poi s on, poi s on me. Come, ha l l uci na on, come, s o tha t I ma y fi ght you, reject you, refus e you, l os e the fi ght a nd go ma d, s i l entl y.

Li ke Is obel .

Tha t wa s why he l i ved i n thi s dump, a nd tha t wa s why he ha d a s ked Ji m a nd Ri ch a nd Al ex here, a nd tha t wa s why he wa s off on a tri p wi th them, a pl ea s ure-crui s e, a hol i da y i n pi ctures que Ol d Erewhon. He wa s tryi ng to ca tch up wi th hi s wi fe. Wha t i s mos t di ffi cul t a bout wa tchi ng your wi fe go i ns a ne i s tha t you ca n’t go wi th her. Fa rther a nd fa rther a wa y s he wa l ks , not l ooki ng ba ck, a l ong tri p down i nto s i l ence. The l yre fa l l s dumb, a nd the ps ychi a tri s ts a re l i a rs too. You s ta nd behi nd the gl a s s wa l l of your s a ni ty l i ke one a t a n a i rport wa tchi ng a cra s h. You s hout, “Is obel !” She never hea rd. The pl a ne cra s hed i n s i l ence. She coul d not hea r hi m ca l l her na me. Nor coul d s he s pea k to hi m. Now the wa l l s tha t di vi ded hi m from her were bri ck, very s ol i d, a nd he coul d do wha t he l i ked wi th hi s own gl a s s hous e of s a ni ty. Throw s tones . Throw a l pha s . Ti nkl e, cra s h.

LSD/a l pha di d not dri ve you i ns a ne, of cours e. It di d not even unra vel your chromos omes . It s i mpl y opened the door to the hi gher rea l i ty. So di d s chi zophreni a , he ga thered, but the troubl e there wa s tha t you coul dn’t s pea k, you coul dn’t communi ca te, you coul dn’t s a y wha t.

Ji m ha d l owered hi s Ra mpa rts . He wa s s i ng i n a no cea bl e fa s hi on, i nha l i ng. He wa s goi ng to get wi th rea l i ty the ri ght wa y, l i ke a l a ma , ma n. He wa s a true bel i ever a nd hi s l i fe now centered upon the LSD/a experi ence a s a rel i gi ous mys c’s upon hi s mys ca l di s ci pl i ne. Coul d you keep i t up once a week for yea rs , though? At thi rty? At forty-two? At s i xty-three? There i s a terri bl e monotony a nd a dvers i ty to l i fe; you’d need a mona s tery. Ma ns , nones , ves pers , s i l ence, wa l l s a round, bi g s ol i d bri ck wa l l s . To keep the l ower rea l i ty out.

Come on, ha l l uci nogen, get wi th i t. Ha l l uci nogena te, ha l l uci nogeni ze. Sma s h the gl a s s wa l l . Ta ke me on a tri p where my wi fe went. Mi s s i ng pers on, a ge 22, ht 5'3", wt 105 l bs , ha i r brown, ra ce huma n, s ex fema l e. She never wa s a fa s t wa l ker. I coul d ca tch up wi th her wi th one foot ti ed behi nd me. Ta ke me where s he wa l ked to.... No.

I’l l wa l k there by mys el f, s a i d Lewi s Si dney Da vi d. He fini s hed pouri ng the wa ter i n l i l e dri bbl es a round the roots of the ol i ve tree, a nd l ooked up, out the wi ndow. There through s mea ry gl a s s wa s Mount Hood, forty mi l es a wa y, two mi l es hi gh, a vol ca ni c cone pos s es s i ng the s erene s ymmetry pecul i a r to vol ca ni c cones , dorma nt but not offici a l l y ex nct, ful l of s l eepy fires a nd s urrounded by i ts own a tmos phere a nd cl i ma te di fferent from tha t of l ower a l ti tudes : s now a nd a cl ea r l i ght.

Tha t wa s why he l i ved i n thi s dump. Beca us e when you l ooked out the wi ndow of i t, you s a w the hi gher rea l i ty. El even thous a nd feet hi gher.

“I’l l be da mned,” Lewi s s a i d a l oud, feel i ng tha t he wa s on the edge a nd verge of percei vi ng s omethi ng rea l l y i mporta nt. But he ha d tha t feel i ng fa i rl y often, wi thout chemi ca l a s s i s ta nce. Mea nwhi l e there wa s the mounta i n.

A l ot of muck, freewa ys a nd di s pos a bl e office bui l di ngs a nd hi ghri s es a nd urba n renewa l bombs i tes a nd neon el epha nts wa s hi ng neon ca rs wi th do ed s howers of neon, l a y i n between hi m a nd the mounta i n, a nd the ba s e of i t wa s hi dden a l ong wi th i ts foothi l l s i n a pa l e s mog, s o tha t the pea k fl oa ted.

Lewi s fel t a s trong i mpul s e to cry a nd to s a y hi s wi fe’s na me a l oud. He repres s ed thi s i mpul s e, a s he ha d been doi ng for three months , ever s i nce Ma y when he ha d ta ken her to the s a ni ta ri um, a er the s i l ent months . In Ja nua ry, before the s i l ence bega n, s he ha d cri ed a grea t dea l , a l l da y l ong s ome da ys , a nd he ha d become fri ghtened of tea rs . Fi rs t tea rs , then s i l ence. No good. O God get me out of thi s ! Lewi s l et go, qui t figh ng the i mpa l pa bl e enemy, a nd begged for rel ea s e. He i mpl ored the drug i n hi s bl oods trea m to work, to do s omethi ng, to l et hi m cry, or s ee col ors , or go off hi s rocker, a nythi ng.

Nothi ng ha ppened.

He fini s hed pouri ng the wa ter i n l i l e dri bbl es a round the roots of the ol i ve tree, a nd l ooked up, a t the room. It wa s a dump, but bi g, a nd i t ha d a good vi ew of Mount Hood, a nd the wi s dom-tooth cres t of Mount Ada ms on cl ea r da ys too. But nothi ng woul d ha ppen here. Thi s wa s the wa i ti ng room. He pi cked up hi s coa t off a broken cha i r a nd went out.

It wa s a good coa t, l a mbs wool l i ni ng a nd a hood a nd a l l tha t; hi s s i s ter a nd mother ha d cl ubbed to get i t for hi m for Chri s tma s , ma ki ng hi m feel l i ke R . R . Ra s kol ni kov. But he wa s not goi ng to murder a ny ol d pa wn-brokers toda y. Not even a ps eudoci de. On the s ta i rs he pa s s ed the pa i nters a nd pl a s terers wi th thei r l a dders a nd buckets , three of them, goi ng up to do hi s room over, pea ceful -l ooki ng, fres h-fa ced men i n thei r for es a nd fi i es . Poor ba s ta rds , wha t woul d they do wi th the s i nk? wi th the three a l phi es , Ri ch a nd Ji m a nd Al ex, who on honeydew ha d fed a nd drunk the mi l k of Pa ra di s e? wi th hi s notes on Le Notre, Ol ms ted a nd McLa ren, wi th hi s fourteen pounds of photogra phs of Ja pa nes e domes c a rchi tecture, wi th hi s dra wi ng boa rd a nd fis hi ng ta ckl e, hi s Col l ected Works of Theodore Sturgeon bound i n s ens a ona l ca rdboa rd, the 8' x 10' unfini s hed oi l of a n a ta xi c nude by a pa i nter fri end whos e a uto l oa n co. ha d a a ched hi s pa i n ngs , Al ex’s gui ta r, the ol i ve tree, the dus t a nd eyeba l l s under the bed? Tha t wa s thei r probl em. He went on down the roomi ng-hous e s ta i rs tha t s mel l ed of ol d tomca t, a nd hea rd hi s hi ki ng boots cl ompi ng hea rti l y. He fel t tha t a l l thi s ha d ha ppened once before.

It took hi m a l ong me to get out of the ci ty. Si nce publ i c tra ns porta on wa s forbi dden to peopl e i n hi s condi on, of cours e, he coul dn’t get on the Gres ha m bus whi ch woul d ha ve s a ved a l ot of me, ta ki ng hi m through the s uburbs a nd ha l fwa y there. But there wa s pl enty of me. The s ummer eveni ng woul d s ta y l i ght; he coul d count on i t. Leni ent a nd s weet i n thei r l ength a re the twi l i ghts of a l a tude ha l fwa y between equa tor a nd pol e: no tropi c monotoni es , no a rc c a bs ol utes , but a wi nter of l ong s ha dows a nd a s ummer of l ong dus ks : gra da ons a nd a ccommoda ons of bri ghtnes s , a enua ons of cl a ri ty, s ubtl e es a nd l ei s ures of the l i ght. Chi l dren s cu ered i n the green pa rks of Portl a nd a nd down l ong s i de s treets , a l l a t one grea t ga me over a l l the ci ty, the ga me of Young. Onl y here a nd there a ki d went a l one, pl a yi ng Sol i tude, for hi gher s ta kes . Some ki ds a re ga mbl ers born. Bi ts of tra s h s cra ped a l ong the gu ers moved by a wa rm wi nd now a nd then. There wa s a grea t, s a d s ound fa r off over the ci ty a s i f l i ons were roa ri ng i n ca ges , wa l ki ng a nd l a s hi ng thei r gol d s i des wi th gol d-ta s s el l ed ta i l s a nd roa ri ng, roa ri ng. Sun s et, s omewhere wes t over roofs , but not for the mounta i n tha t s l l burned wi th a whi te fire a wa y up hi gh. As Lewi s l e the l a s t of the ci ty a nd went through a pl ea s a nt l a nd, hi l l y a nd wel l fa rmed, the wi nd bega n to s mel l of wet ea rth, cool , compl ex, a s i t wi l l a s ni ght comes on; a nd pa s t Sa ndy there wa s da rknes s under grea t i ncrea s i ng fores ts on the ri s i ng s l opes . But there wa s pl enty of me. Above a nd a hea d the pea k s tood whi te, fa i ntl y nged wi th a pri cot, i n s unl i ght. As he cl i mbed the l ong, s teep roa d he ca me out a ga i n a nd then a ga i n from the da rk fores ts i nto gul fs of yel l ow cl a ri ty. He went on un l he wa s up a bove the fores ts a nd up a bove the da rknes s , on hei ghts where there wa s onl y s now a nd s tone a nd a i r a nd the va s t, cl ea r, enduri ng l i ght. But he wa s a l one.

Tha t wa s n’t ri ght. He ha dn’t been a l one when thi s ha d ha ppened. He ha d to meet wi th— He ha d been wi th— Where?

No s ki s no s l ed no s nows hoes not even a n i nner tube. If I ha d got the commi s s i on for thi s l a nds ca pe, God, I woul d ha ve put a pa th a l ong here. Sa cri fici ng gra ndeur for conveni ence? But onl y a l i l e pa th. No ha rm. Onl y a l i l e cra ck i n the Li berty Bel l . Onl y a l i l e l ea k i n the di ke, fus e on the bomb, ma ggot i n the bra i n. O my ma d gi rl , my s i l ent l ove, my wi fe whom I s ol d i nto bedl a m beca us e you woul d not hea r me s pea k, Is obel , come s a ve me from yours el f! I’ve cl i mbed a er you up a bove a l l the pa ths a nd now I s ta nd here a l one: there i s n’t a ny wa y to go.

Da yl i ght di ed a wa y a nd the whi te of the s now went s omber. In the ea s t, a bove endl es s da rkeni ng ra nges a nd fores ts a nd pa l e, hi l l -enfol ded l a kes , Sa turn s hone, bri ght a nd s a turni ne.

Lewi s di d not know where the l odge wa s ; s omewhere on the mberl i ne, but he wa s a bove mberl i ne. He woul d not go down. To the hei ghts , to the hei ghts . Excel s i or! A youth who bore mi d s now a nd i ce a ba nner wi th thi s s tra nge devi ce Hel p Hel p I AM a Pri s oner of the Hi gher Rea l i ty. He cl i mbed. He cl i mbed uncl omben s l opes , unkempt, a nd a s he cl i mbed he wept. Hi s tea rs cra wl ed down over hi s fa ce a nd he cra wl ed up over the mounta i n’s fa ce.

The very hi gh pl a ces a re terri bl e, a l one a t dus k.

The l i ght no l onger s ta yed for hi m. There wa s no l onger pl enty of me. He ha d run out of me. Sta rs ca me out a nd l ooked a t hi m eye to eye out of the gul fs of da rknes s whenever he gl a nced a s i de from the huge whi te up l ted pl a i n, the hi gher pl a ne he