MIND - DICTATORIAL - talking with air of command
L: He says: this is what we are going to do?
S: Yes, this is what we are going to do and also how we are going to do it L: You have to play with him, on his commands?
S: Yes.
L: Then you sent him to a special school and did the depression disappear? S: It disappeared.
L: At this new school?
S: Yes about 2 months, he liked it there, he gets some friends and then the behaviour disappeared. But when he is stressed now, he is always cutting his clothes.
L: He still does that?
S: Yes or his blankets, or the curtains. L: Not cutting paper?
S: No paper, because we always say take papers to cut. But no, it has to be clothes. Also a sweater he likes, he will cut.
L: Not your clothes?
S: No, just his own. Especially the things he likes. He has a Disney sheet and a
motorcycle sheet, he really likes. These are the ones that he cuts. Not the old ones. The ones he likes. That one he cuts, also with the clothes.
L: Can you speak with him about this cutting? S: I asked him of course but then he said nothing.
L: So, this comes up from time to time, when he is stressed? S: Yes, when he is stressed.
L: Can you give me an example?
S: When he has the feeling that there are too many things changing. For example at school some teachers were ill, other teachers were coming and then he is cutting his clothes. The other teachers are different, saying different things.
During a regular week I always tell him Monday evening I am not at home, Wednesday evening Dick is not at home, so he knows how the week goes L: As long as he knows, he has to be told in advance?
MIND - ANXIETY - anticipation; from
S: Yes. And when there is one thing that changes, it is okay, two things is also okay but more changes becomes too much.
(54.34)
L: So he is in that school now, at age 8- 9? S: About 9 years he went to this special school.
L: And you have seen the same thing since then, nothing added to it? S; No.
L: What about sexual behaviour?
You didn’t see anything particular, especially towards you?
S: He doesn’t ask much. He gets his lessons from school and his friends.
He is telling me that ‘’mama, do you know that. And how’s a man working, woman working and how you have to make children’’
L: He is interested? S: Very interested!
L: But he doesn’t do anything, not even as a small child? Going through your hair, wanting to feel you, never talks about it to you?
S: No.
L: So, just what he hears in schools, he asks you at home? You have never seen him doing anything neither?
S: No. (56.16)
L: Now tell me about your pregnancy. Was it your first child?
S: No, second child.
L: First child was okay, no problem?
S: With the pregnancy yes, but the child is normal. L: You can tell me about that pregnancy also.
S: Both pregnancies were the same. I had very much nausea. Extreme, it was the whole 9 months and I was vomiting so much that there was blood coming. And with the first child I was 2 times in the hospital. There they put you in a dark room, no visits and it worked. Except when you go home, everything the vomiting starts again. Also the first delivery was very heavy.
L: How long was the labour? S: 3 days.
Of course this was not very nice and very painful and stressful etcetera. So I was so frightened for a pregnancy that I did not want to have another child. So between the first child Eva and Jorick is 5 years. After all those years I thought, okay, maybe… Let’s try.
MIND - AILMENTS FROM – anticipation MIND - AILMENTS FROM - anxiety
L: You did not have a postpartum depression after the first child? S: No.
L: So you say that is too painful? S: Yes.
L: If men would do deliveries, we would not have overpopulation.
S: But it was the combination. The whole 9 months so ill and then the delivery, which was so long and painful.
L: Then you decided too try again, but you did not forget about it? S: Oh no.
L: What did you think of when you decided to do it?
S: There was another doctor in the hospital and this was a woman and deliveries with spinal tap (anaesthesia), she did that. Then I thought, no pain, it is a woman. And she did it, the vomiting and nausea was the same again all the months.
L: All the months! You went to the hospital?
S: No, because I knew it doesn’t help. So I stayed at home. L: You never got dehydrated?
S: No, it was always on the limit. Normally women become fatter in a pregnancy, and I became thinner.
(1.00.10)
L: But what were your thoughts during this second pregnancy. You wanted to be pregnant? This was not an unexpected pregnancy?
S: No, it was not. I wanted it.
The pregnancy was just as terrible as the first one, but I knew then that after 9 months it would be over.
L: Was there any other thought? I hope this will not happen or that? Anything? S: No, I was not afraid to get sick children, or without arms or legs.
L: But what about delivery, because you had 3 days labour before? S: No, I was not afraid because this doctor would give me a spinal tap.
So I thought I would be okay.
L: Did anything happen, what about emotions during this pregnancy? S: Yes, I had a very bad marriage.
L: I thought so, well I didn’t mean that, but there is something different obviously between first and second pregnancy. And I want to know the major difference between the two. The bad marriage, as you say, when did it start?
S: The bad marriage?
L: Or was it just getting worse?
S: Yes, it was getting worse. I think it was bad from the first day.
MIND - AILMENTS FROM - love; disappointed
L: Was in the first pregnancy was your marriage as bad as during the second pregnancy? What would you say?
S: No, then my marriage was better then during the first pregnancy.
L: And can you tell me what the worst was for you, what were your emotions? What really happened to you?
S: I realized that I made it very difficult for myself, to stop the marriage when you have 2 little children. That it was easier when I still had only one child to leave. That was the most emotional thing.
L: You were saying: oh, what did I do?
S: Yes, I thought ‘stupid!’ not for having this baby, but stupid because it is not very easy to end a marriage when you have a little baby.
L: So, that was your main emotion? S: Yes.
L: Can you tell me a little bit about the husband? Wasn’t he attentive, wasn’t he interested in your pregnancy?
S: No, he was very aggressive.
MIND - AILMENTS FROM - rudeness of others
L: Why would he become aggressive, what situation would make him aggressive? S: Everything.
L: Also everything. Did he strike you? S: Yes.
MIND - AILMENTS FROM - domination
L: And verbal abusing? S: Yes.
L: How did you react most of the times?
S: I think I blocked it a little, I really think I did that most of the times. Sometimes angry, I left twice. But then I did came back, I don’t know why. Stupid of course, but leaving is also difficult. I tried to talk with him of course, but that was the worst option.
MIND - AILMENTS FROM - anger
L: It didn’t help? S: No.
L: Did you have somebody else to talk to?
S: No, I guess I am a little bit too proud for that. To tell your friends I don’t have such a nice husband?
L: So you kept this all inside. Did he have any interest in your pregnancy? S: Yes, he liked that very much.
L: Why would that be? S: He was hoping for a boy.
L: He hoped for a boy, the first one is a girl?
Why was he particularly interested in a boy, did he always wanted a boy?
S: No, he wanted to have children. I think, but this is speculation, that then he would have more power over me.
L: And you couldn’t talk to anybody? S: I think I could, but I didn’t do it
L: Too proud? So, that lasted during nine months. Did it get worse, he wanted that boy, it is kind of a strange thing?
S: Yes, but he is a double man. He can be very nice when you see him here but that’s his other face.
L: Schizophrenic?
S: Yes, he is very! He liked to have the baby, but he doesn’t want me with the baby. He just wanted the baby.
L: How did you feel about all that?
S: I was so busy with myself and the 24-hour nausea and vomiting that it goes I little bit like that.
L: You mean like you were in your own world?
S: Yes, of course I knew it and I saw it but I was busy with my little daughter Eva of five years old. I was busier with that.
L: But you must have had some feelings. Did you say something back to him?
S: Yes, I did, but I don’t know how to say it. It was not that important anymore. Before the pregnancy it was important, then I wanted to save my marriage. But when I was
pregnant and so ill, Eva my daughter was more important, taking care for her. If he was coming with his everything, I thought: leave it.
L: Because you were just focussed on the child? S: Yes, and I needed all my energy to do that. L: You never did something angry back to him?
S: No, I left. I went to my parents and stayed there for three months. L: During the pregnancy?
S: Yes, and I told my parents I came to them because I was so very ill and there it was easy for me. They could bring me food and water while my husband was working. I made a nice story of it.
L: Those were the last months of the pregnancy? S: The last month I went back home.
L: For a particularly reason? S: I don’t know anymore.
L: Nothing? Did he come along to your parents? S: Yes, sometimes he came to visit me.
L: To do what?
S: To talk with me, to visit. L: No more?
S: No, after one hour he left L: What did you talk about?
S: Nothing. But he was nice and friendly.
L: He couldn’t do anything in front of your parents? S: No, of course not.
L: Did he come with you to the hospital for the delivery? S: Yes.
L: He wanted to see the boy? You knew already it was a boy?
S: Yes we knew it was a boy. He came with me and was very attentive. L: And he was happy?
S; He was very happy. Oh, Jorick came by caesarean section. L: Why, long labour again?
S: It was too long again and at one moment there were no heartbeats anymore, so they made a very quick caesarean section. It took about ten minutes. I also have a very big cicatrix.
L: It wasn’t aesthetically done, it was fast? S: It wasn’t a nice little cut, it was big.
L: Everything was okay after that. You recuperated after this. No postpartum depression?
S: Everything was okay. L: Feeding was okay? S: Yes, very good.
L: But when you went home, what happened?
S: Well, when there were visitors he was very attentive. But when there were no visitors he was doing his own things.
L: He didn’t pay attention to you or the baby?
S: No, hardly. He was nice to the baby when he was good fed, well dressed and not crying.
L: But he didn’t pay much attention to you? S: No.
MIND - AILMENTS FROM – disappointment MIND - AILMENTS FROM - love; disappointed
L: And how did you feel about that?
S: Sad and angry, I made me feel more” and now I’m going to leave, and I am not coming back”.
MIND - AILMENTS FROM - grief
L: You had this desire?
S: But I was not physically very well. Because of all the illness I wasn’t very strong anymore, so I waited until Jorick was about 1 year and then I left.
L: After one year?
S: Yes. And the feeling I had, after I decided to leave and not coming back, was indifference.
I didn’t care anymore what he said or what he was doing.
L: Was there a time even during pregnancy that he was trying to do a little amicable or hug you or kiss you?
S: Yes, but I didn’t like that. L: And why not?
S: Because it was not real.
L: Tell me just a little bit about your family, your side first. First of all you, any diseases or anything like that?
S: I had asthma when I was younger. I was ill a lot times when I was younger, that was because I was allergic and because of the asthma.
(Sycotic miasm)
L: You have sisters or brothers?
S: I have one sister. She has Hashimoto and she has Addison Biermer.
(Syphillitic miasm)
L: So she has two autoimmune disorders, Hashimoto and Addison. S: They looked for me if I have it too, but I am always on the border. L: In both ways, thyroid and….?
S: Yes, both. L: No brothers? S: No.
L: What about grandfather and grandmother on mother’s side?
S: My grandmother had diabetics and rheuma. And breast cancer when she was older about 65. My mother has colitis. (Sycosis)
L: Oh, I thought the first one was your mom, but she was the grand grandmother of Jorick?
S: Yes
L: Give me your mom
S; My mother has diabetes too and colitis. L: Insulin-depended? (Syphillitic miasm)
S: Yes, but she is following a low-carb diet and now she is not using insulin. L: and what else you said?
S; Colitis.
L: Colitis or colitis ulcerosa? S: Ucerosa. (Syphillitic miasm)
S: My father had a brain tumour when he was 36. (Cancer) They took out his hypophysis, so he had to live on medication for his thyroid en his adrenal glands (glandular suprarenalis).
L: They took the hypophysis out?
S: Yes, and he has asthma. But this came when he was 60. L: What about your grandfather?
S: My grandfather has emphysema. (Sycosis) L: Nothing else? Did he die from it?
S: He suicided himself. (Syphylitic miasm) L: What was his age?
S: 68.
L: And you know what your grandmother died from? S: Leukaemia and she had asthma (Sycosis).
L: Your mom is still alive? S: Yes, my father is also alive.
L: You know anything of the family of your husband? S: Not much.
L: First of all your husband, you must know something about him? S: He always has spinal complaints and further he was very healthy. L: Brothers and sisters?
S: He has six brothers and sisters, all very healthy. L: Do you know anything further?
S: From his father I don’t know anything, because he left his family when my ex- husband was very small. His mother, she is healthy.
L: Still alive? S: She is still alive. L: What age? S: 72, I think.
L: Very good. Any thing you want to ask me? Did I forget something? S: No, I can’t think of any, but I can always correct you.
L: No, you cannot do anything about it anymore (joke), we are finished. Question from the audience: Which vaccination Jorick has had?
S: Only Hib and once DKTP. Nothing more L: We are finished.
Thank you SuSanne, you did an excellent job. ‘End of interview’