The language behaviors known as confirmation and disconfirmation have to do with the extent to which you acknowledge another person. Consider this situation: You’ve been living with someone for the last six months and you arrive home late one night. Your partner, let’s say Pat,
Interpersonal ChoICe poInt
Rejecting Directly
Your supervisor seems never to get you the work you need early in the day; instead you receive the work late in the afternoon and invariably have to stay late to finish it. You’ve tried politeness and it didn’t work; you need to be more forceful. In what ways can you express your feelings assertively to achieve your goal and yet not alienate or insult your colleague?
is angry and complains about your being so late. Of the following responses, which are you most likely to give?
1. Stop screaming. I’m not interested in what you’re babbling about. I’ll do what I want, when I want. I’m going to bed.
2. What are you so angry about? Didn’t you get in three hours late last Thursday when you went to that office party? So knock it off.
3. You have a right to be angry. I should have called to tell you I was going to be late, but I got involved in a serious debate at work and I couldn’t leave until it was resolved. In response 1, you dismiss Pat’s anger and even indicate dismissal of Pat as a person. In response 2,
you reject the validity of Pat’s reasons for being angry, although you do not dismiss either Pat’s feelings of anger or of Pat as a person. In response 3, you acknowledge Pat’s anger and the reasons for being angry. In addition, you provide some kind of explanation and, in doing so, show that both Pat’s feelings and Pat as a person are important and that Pat has the right to know what happened. The first response is an example of disconfirmation, the second of rejection, and the third of confirmation.
Psychologist William James once observed that “no more fiendish punishment could be devised, even were such a thing physically possible, than that one should be turned loose in society and remain absolutely unnoticed by all the members thereof.” In this often-quoted observation, James identifies the essence of disconfirmation (Veenendall & Feinstein, 1995; Watzlawick, Beavin, & Jackson, 1967).
Disconfirmation is a communication pattern in which you ignore
a person’s presence as well as that person’s communications. You say, in effect, that the person and what she or he has to say aren’t worth serious attention. Disconfirming responses often lead to loss of self-esteem (Sommer, Williams, Ciarocco, & Baumeister, 2001).
Note that disconfirmation is not the same as rejection. In
rejection, you disagree with the person; you indicate your
unwillingness to accept something the other person says or does. In disconfirming someone, however, you deny that person’s significance; you claim that what this person says or does simply does not count.
Confirmation is the opposite communication pattern. In
confirmation, you not only acknowledge the presence of
the other person but also indicate your acceptance of this person, of this person’s definition of self, and of your relation- ship as defined or viewed by this other person. Confirming responses often lead to gains in self-esteem and have been shown to reduce student apprehension in the classroom and indirectly to increase motivation and learning (Ellis, 2004). You can communicate both confirmation and disconfirma- tion in a wide variety of ways; Table 5.1 shows just a few.
You can gain insight into a wide variety of offensive lan- guage practices by viewing them as types of disconfirmation— as language that alienates and separates. We’ll explore this im- portant principle by looking at racism, heterosexism, ageism, and sexism. Another significant -ism is ableism—discrimina- tion against people with disabilities. This particular practice is handled throughout the text in a series of tables offering tips for communicating between people with and without a variety of disabilities:
Interpersonal ChoICe poInt
Discouraging Disconfirmation
For the last several months you’ve noticed how disconfirming your neighbors are toward their preteen children; it seems the children can never do anything to the parents’ satisfaction. What are some of the things you might say (if you do decide to get involved) to make your neighbors more aware of their communication patterns and the possible negative effects these might have?
VIEWPOINTS Hate speech is speech that is hostile, offen- sive, degrading, or intimidating to a particular group of people. Women, African Americans, Muslims, Hispanics, and gay men and lesbians are among the major targets of hate speech in the United States. On your college campus, which would be most likely to be considered hate speech: sexist, heterosexist, racist, or ageist language? Which would be least likely? How do you respond when you hear other students using sexist language? heterosexist language? racist language? ageist language?
n Between people who are visually impaired and those who aren’t (Chapter 1) n Between people with and without disabilities (Chapter 2)
n Between people with and without hearing problems (Chapter 4)
n Between people with and without speech and language disorders (Chapter 8)
Racism
According to Andrea Rich (1974), “any language that, through a conscious or un- conscious attempt by the user, places a particular racial or ethnic group in an inferior position is racist.” Racist language expresses racist attitudes. It also, however, contributes to the de- velopment of racist attitudes in those who use or hear the language. Even when racism is subtle, unintentional, or even unconscious, its effects are systematically damaging (Dovidio, Gaertner, Kawakami, & Hodson, 2002).Racism exists on both individual and institutional levels—distinctions made by educational researchers and used throughout this discussion (Koppelman, 2005). Individual racism involves the negative attitudes and beliefs that people hold about specific races. The assumption that certain races are intellectually inferior to others or that certain races are incapable of certain achievements are clear examples of individual racism. Prejudice against groups such as American Indians, African Americans, Hispanics, and Arabs have been with us throughout history and is still a part of many people’s lives. Such racism is seen in the negative terms people use to refer to members of other races and to disparage their customs and accomplishments.
Institutionalized racism is seen in patterns—such as de facto school segregation, compa- nies’ reluctance to hire members of minority groups, and banks’ unwillingness to extend mort- gages and business loans to members of some races or tendency to charge higher interest rates.
disconfirmation confirmation
Ignores the presence or contributions of the other per-
son; expresses indifference to what the other person says. acknowledges the presence and the contributions of the other person by either supporting or taking issue with what he or she says.
Makes no nonverbal contact; avoids direct eye contact;
avoids touching and general nonverbal closeness. Makes nonverbal contact by maintaining direct eye contact and, when appropriate, touching, hugging, kissing, and otherwise demonstrating acknowledgment of the other.
Monologues; engages in communication in which one
person speaks and one person listens; there is no real inter- action; there is no real concern or respect for each other.
Dialogues; engage in communication in which both persons are
speakers and listeners; both are involved; both are concerned with and have respect for each other.
Jumps to interpretation or evaluation rather than
working at understanding what the other person means. Demonstrates understanding of what the other person says and means and reflects your understanding in what you say; or when in doubt ask questions.
Discourages, interrupts, or otherwise makes it difficult
for the other person to express himself or herself. Encourages the other person to express his or her thoughts and feelings by showing interest and asking questions.
avoids responding or responds tangentially by acknowl-
edging the other person's comment but shifts the focus of the message in another direction.
Responds directly and exclusively to what the other person
says.