Propuesta de seguimiento

Conducting the research interviews, transcribing the audio-recordings and analysing the transcripts was incredibly emotive for me. I was moved by how open men were about their experiences within their interviews and how they had overcome such struggles and difficulties. I was aware of the emotions accompanying men’s experiences and how at times this pulled me into my role of practitioner. I wanted to offer care, support and protection, especially when some men appeared so hopeless and stuck. At these times, I tried to become aware of what I was noticing and reminded myself of my role as a researcher, rather than intervening with empathy and advice. With discussions involving current self-harm and suicidal ideation, I found that the researcher and practitioner roles overlapped. I was open with participants about the course of action I would pursue in order to ensure their safety. It felt surprisingly difficult for me to discuss self-harm and suicide with participants without being aware of the care team that would be available to support them. In my own clinical practice, I would be able to rely on a team approach, when needed, to support someone in distress. On reflection, I felt that someone had opened up about something extremely

distressing and that I was potentially abandoning someone in need. I was also fused with thoughts around whether I had said and done enough for this person. With more distance from this experience, it has allowed me to understand the differences between my role as a researcher and my role as a practitioner. In my role as researcher, men were not expecting a therapy session and had made an informed choice about participating in a research interview of which they were fully aware of the topic.

When transcribing interviews and coding the data, I was struck by the way in which receiving a diagnosis had changed men’s lives. Men described experiences of happiness, success, loss, grief and for some acceptance. While reading transcripts, there were times when I cried with empathy for what men had experienced. I was aware of common links with my own experiences of help-seeking, health difficulties and experiences of loss. Due to similarities in age with some of my participants, this made their experiences more personally relevant as I could relate to being at a similar stage of life. At these times I used written reflections to think about how my own experiences, assumptions and values may have impacted on the way I was interpreting the data. Further to this, discussion with my supervision team allowed us to explore this further and highlight the ways in which themes were emerging from the data.

Three areas that were particularly prominent from the themes that emerged were stigma, treatment expectations and the power dynamics that men experienced in relation to healthcare professionals. I was struck by the vulnerability, shame and

weakness men felt when opening up and admitting that they were struggling. My curiosity ensued as I considered whether men were able to open up more in my interviews as they felt less threatened by my position of researcher rather than clinician. I wondered whether the interaction in the interviews could have been influenced by my gender, age and status of being ‘in training’ rather than a qualified member of staff. This could have either made men feel less vulnerable or more vulnerable depending on whether it was considered a safe space. Further to this, I was genuinely interested in men’s stories and providing them with the space and time to talk about their struggles, which may not have been available to them previously. Men were not expecting me to ‘fix them’ which may have also impacted on the quality of the interaction, as they were not having to rely on me for care, treatment and support.

The notion of not being able to ‘fix’ people made me reflect on the service I was based in at the time of conducting and transcribing my interviews. I was working within a physical health service in the speciality of oncology and palliative care, therefore working with people adjusting to terminal diagnoses. For most of my patients there was no curative treatment options left. Even though the men within my research study had treatment options available, it appeared that medication did not fix their difficulties and their expectations were left shattered. There were stark similarities between the way in which men within my research study were experiencing their diagnosis and the way in which patients in a physical health setting were experiencing their difficulties. This led me to think about the ways in which adjusting to physical health difficulties overlapped with mental health difficulties. It was on this placement that I re-considered the topic of my literature review paper and decided to focus on

cancer. As previously noted, when deciding on the topic of my empirical paper I chose a topic which I had experience of working with in practice. As I had recent experiences of working with patients with cancer and their families, I was interested in utilising this passion and interest to identify a topic for my literature review. On reflection, I moved from an area of safety and familiarity by focusing on mental health difficulties and into a more unfamiliar area by focusing on physical health research.

The experience of developing themes for my literature review paper appeared much more straight forward than my empirical paper. I was able to obtain a position of observer and objectively synthesise the results from the research papers into themes, without getting too drawn into the emotion. I was less connected to the individuals within the research studies as I had not met them and had only received a small section of their journey through their partner’s cancer diagnosis and/ or subsequent treatment. I did connect with the limited opportunities in which partners had to get their needs met and again found myself wanting to help not only patients but also family members who were in need. I could relate these experiences to my role within a hospice setting where families were often heavily involved in the support provided by a Clinical Psychologist.