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I outlined three or four different methods for establishing authority in the world of the people who you wish to influence. Let‟s start dealing with them. Let‟s review.

First, pace the observable, ongoing reality of the person whom you‟re addressing.

I‟ll tell you a story. I said that you can pace their ongoing, observable reality, but you can also pull their metaphors out of their heads. I did it with this gentleman. Did you see his state change when I said Da Vinci? That was a major knockout hit. I saw Da Vinci with a picture of the Mona Lisa in my head, so that‟s what I knew to say. I pulled it out of his head.

If you can get close to their metaphor, it‟s tremendous power.

That‟s like all the buttons go, "Bam!" Everything else gets pushed.

Not only can you pace their observable behavior but if you‟re good, you can pace their internal processing. Let me give you an example of that.

A couple of years back, I was hanging out with my friend, Dr. Ken.

Dr. Ken is an Asian lover. He likes Asian girls, so I took him to this place near UCLA where I knew a lot of Asian girls were studying.

We went to the counter and ordered our food. It‟s the kind of place where you order food at the counter, then bring it back to your table when it‟s ready. They call you and you bring it back.

Sitting over at a table I saw a very attractive Asian girl. She turned out to be Chinese. I thought, "We‟re going to go sit at the table next

to her." We sat at the table next to her to wait for our food. I was sitting here, Dr. Ken was facing me, and she was sitting behind me.

I noticed that she had a big, thick book she was studying. It was like she was talking to herself in her head. We sat down and I winked at Ken and said, "Watch this." I turned around and said, "Excuse me.

Could you please not think too loudly? You look like a very loud thinker and we have something we‟re discussing. Thank you very much," and I turned back around.

A second later, I felt a tap on my shoulder and she said, "Who are you?" because I was pacing the fact that she was talking to herself in her head. It wasn‟t that difficult to see. It didn‟t take any psychic power. It was just a matter of simple observation to see what she was doing on the inside.

If someone is doing this kind of sub-vocalizing, what are they doing? Maybe they‟re hearing voices, I don‟t know. This is Los Angeles. That was a matter of me humorously pacing her ongoing internal process, but you can‟t always spot that.

DRILL EXERCISE

Let‟s do a little drill in pacing the other person‟s observable reality. Here‟s what we‟re going to do. We‟re going to break up into pairs of people, person A and person B.

Person A, you‟re going to observe person B. Based on what you see them doing, you‟re going to make three statements that pace their ongoing reality. For example, if I was pacing you, I would say you‟re sitting there, looking at me with your hands folded against your leg. It‟s that simple. That‟s all we‟re going to do.

First divide up into twos, person A and person B, and then switch.

Person A, you‟re going to look at person B and make three statements that pace their reality. Then you‟re going to switch.

That‟s all we‟re going to do for the next 10 minutes, and then I‟ll build a piece onto that.

We just did a little drill. Does anyone want to report on their experience? Were you able to do it? Who was able to do this drill successfully? Who was your person B that you did it with?

Drill Exercise Results

Participant: Mine was Mark.

Ross: Mark, did he pace your reality properly? Did he do it well?

Mark: Yes.

Ross: Were you able to pace him?

Mark: Yes, so much so that we just did one or two rounds and we hadn‟t really talked at all before. Then we just turned and got into a deep conversation.

Ross: Were you able to do it and who did you work with?

Participant: Yes, I was.

Participant: He worked with me.

Ross: Did he pace you well?

Participant: Yes, we were interacting. He did it once. I did it once. It worked fine.

Ross: The next step, now that you‟ve paced the other person, is to add a suggestion. An example would be, “You‟re looking at me and you‟re listening to what I have to say. You‟re thinking certain thoughts and you‟re beginning to focus in on what it is you want to learn.”

That was a suggestion, and you followed the first three. Remember I said forget about the Yes Ladder in business. “Mr. Jones, you like making money, don‟t you?" "Yes." "And you‟d like to secure the financial future of your family, wouldn‟t you?"

Remember, I said to forget about the Yes Ladder. Instead you want an internal, not a Yes Ladder but an internal Yes Momentum.

When you want to establish Yes Momentum, it‟s much different.

They do it in their own head, “Yes, yes, yes.”

There‟s another thing you can do when you offer the suggestion.

You‟re sitting there, listening and looking at me. You‟re aware that there‟s something you want to learn. You see what I did, that slight little head nod? There‟s something you want to learn.

Here‟s what I want you to do. The next assignment is to go back to the same partner and do your three pacing statements. Then offer a suggestion. I‟m going to show you how to structure that.

When you offer the suggestion, you structure it like this. You‟re sitting there, you‟re looking at me, you‟re listening to what I have to say, and you‟re recognizing there‟s something you want to learn.

You‟re using the presupposition of awareness. You‟re recognizing, realizing and becoming aware of. Then tell them what they‟re becoming aware of. Help them realize that there‟s

something they want to learn and that they want to make a decision today.

Use recognize, realize and becoming aware. You‟re looking at me.

You‟re listening to what I have to say. You‟re sitting there, and you‟re becoming aware that there‟s a decision you‟d like to make today. You‟re becoming aware that you want to purchase something today.

You‟re recognizing that there‟s something you want to buy today.

Use recognize, realize and becoming aware. Then tell them what they are recognizing, what they are becoming aware of, and what they are realizing.

Then you give them the command. The command is whatever you want them to realize, recognize or become aware of. What were some of the commands that you wound up giving?

Participant: It is not necessary to think that I‟m really smart.

Ross: You‟re sitting there looking at me, aware of what I‟m saying, and it‟s not necessary to realize I‟m really smart, recognize I‟m really smart or think that I‟m really smart. Very good.

Do you see how you‟re starting to use these tools naturally, easily, readily and immediately?

Participant: My command after the three pacing statements was, “I don‟t know if you could become aware of how doing these exercises is making all this knowledge more real for you.”

Ross: Oh, that‟s good! More real than what? I really like that.

One way to establish authority in the world of your subject or audience is by pacing their ongoing reality. I also said to bring up and mention their fears, failures and frustrations.

Tomorrow we‟re going to get to their desires, dreams or fantasies.

As a preview of what we‟re going to be doing together, let me ask you something. What is it that you think you‟re really selling?

Participant: What I think I‟m selling in the big sense is a feeling, a way that I help the people see themselves in a new way, younger and more confident.

Ross: What are the three top fears, failures or frustrations of the people you‟re selling to?

Participant: I‟d say aging, not looking good, and social confidence in the way they‟ll be seen.

Ross: Who has a market they‟re trying reach? Who needs to learn to write a sales letter? What are the fears, failures and frustrations of the people you‟re addressing?

I could name mine with my seduction students. They don‟t get any women, they only get the women who accidently like them, they get the women but not the ones who are in their league, or they have to go through painful, expensive rituals to get women. I know what their fears, failures and frustrations are, and therefore, I know what their fantasies are.

Participant: One of them could be that the product or the service might be perceived to be too expensive.

Ross: That‟s an objection, not a fear, failure or frustration.

Participant: Honestly, I don‟t know.

Ross: Do you know their desires, wishes or needs?

Participant: They desire to be more efficient, save money, and be more connected with the people they love and want to be with. I don‟t know. I‟m not clear on that.

Ross: No, you‟re not clear. It‟s something you need to find out.

We said fears, failures and frustrations. What‟s another way to establish authority in the world of your prospect? Dreams, desires, and being artfully vague.