No participants raised the idea of marriage or children when they were asked what a romantic relationship meant to them. However when they were asked explicitly by the researcher, some had
views about whether marriage and/or children were seen as part of romantic relationships as well as if these were things that were desirable for them.
Whilst Ben did not desire a romantic relationship at the time of being interviewed, he did discuss the idea of marriage in the future:
M pa e ts ha e ee aggi g e . It s a ultu al thi g. It s a thi g he e, it s like, you erm, have to have a wife and what not. (Ben, 2. 531-535)
Ben came from a Hindu cultural background and seemed to understand the importance of cultural a d fa ilial e pe tatio s of a iage. The aggi g that he had e pe ie ed f o pa e ts a suggest that he felt a pressure to get married, but that he himself did not necessarily see it as desirable, which he described here:
As so eo e ho has Aspe ge s I te d to ot just thi k, I te d to o e thi k a d he ou ha e something as complicated as ma iage he ou e t i g to e , hat s the o d, a o odate fo e e pla , o fo e e o ti ge that ight happe … a d the fa t that the e is a lot i ol ed i marriage; I would just explode. (Ben, 2. 636-639)
Be s des iptio st o gl o e s how overwhelming the idea of marriage is for him. The extent to which he would want to prepare for the uncertainties that he felt marriage might bring seems quite e t e e; a ti g to a o odate fo e e pla a d e e o ti ge . His des iptio of his
o e thi ki g pe haps suggests a a a e ess of this uite e t e e pla i g, hi h he asso iates with having AS. However, he did reflect on how marriage might enable him to have greater social contact:
Well I suppose it might mean actually having a social life for once. (Ben, 2. 686)
This o e t halle ges hethe he eall ished to e alo e as highlighted p e iousl ,
suggesting that he felt some conflict and ambivalence about whether or not a romantic relationship and/or marriage would be desirable for him. Like Be , fa il ie s also i flue ed Ed a d s ie s about marriage:
No, o e e ot follo e s of a iage i ou fa il . We thi k it s a aste of ti e a d o e . We e ot eligious, e feel that a iage is pa t of eligio a d e do t go i that a so e do t thi k it s i po ta t. Ed a d, . -663)
Edward views marriage as something that is primarily tied to religious practice and as he is not eligious he feels that it is ot desi a le. His epetiti e use of the o d e also suggests a strong sense of identity with the family values.
Carl described marriage as something that he would consider, but only in the future. Carl spoke of a sense of needing to be prepared before marriage.
Well, I do t li e ith he , e oth li e i diffe e t houses a d I thi k it s est I o e out a d get independent, then you know, marriage would be, yeah maybe then. (Carl, 3. 610-611)
Whilst Carl viewed marriage as a possibility it seems that there were other factors that needed to be prioritised in order for it to happen.
When participants were asked if they had any views about having children, there were mixed responses. Some felt that having children was not desirable and others expressed that it was something that they would consider in the future.
Daniel described how the idea of having children was not something that was desirable to him.
I ot i to the idea of ha i g hild e e ause I do t thi k I ould e a e good fathe . I ea I e got t o ephe s that d i e e ad. The re about three or four and being around children drives me mad... sometimes. (Daniel, 4. 478-479)
Whilst Da iel did t e pli itl sa h he does ot thi k he ould e a good fathe , his o e t seems to imply that this is because his existing experience of ei g a ou d hild e d i es hi ad . Daniel twice highlights this, suggesting that he may not find the experience enjoyable. However, he does pause efo e sa i g so eti es , suggesti g that this a ot al a s e the ase.
Fred also described feeling as if he would not be a good father and found the decision of whether or not he wanted to have children a difficult one to make:
That s a ha d o e fo e, pe so all , I ea the e is a pa t of e that ki d of feels I ould t e a e good parent. (Fred, 6. 732-733)
His des iptio of it ei g a ha d o e suggests that pe haps ha i g hild e is so ethi g that is desirable, but because of his view of hi self as ot ei g apa le o good at ei g a pa e t, he felt conflict about whether this would be something he would pursue. He later reflected on further concerns around having children:
I would hate my kids to inherit any of the problems that I have had, eall like the Aspe ge s, I ea I e also got pso iasis, I ea I e had e ze a fo like ost of life, I ould hate the kids to go th ough that so t of ull i g eall if I ha e kids the I possi l go a put the th ough that as
F ed s a ou t po e full gi es a i sight i to the ultiple diffi ulties he has e pe ie ed
throughout his life, and continues to struggle with in the present as a result of having AS and other health issues. The bullying that he experienced also suggests that he received criticism and
victimisation from those around him. The potential painfulness of these experiences seems to have been so challenging for him that the idea of his children experiencing anything similar is so horrible that he may decide not to have children at all. This is likely to leave Fred with a very real and difficult conflict between desiring children but feeling a pull to avoid it.
Edward expressed that the idea of children in the future was something he had considered as part of a stable relationship.
I would like to go out with my girlfriend and once all the pieces are in place, then going for a child () like having a home to live in, a good job and so forth. (Edward, 5. 675-676)
Ed a d s ie of all the pie es ei g i pla e i plies that he a ted to e p epa ed efo e ha i g children. It seemed as though there were certain things that he felt needed to happen in order to be prepared to have children, such as having a home and a job. This resonates with Ca l s p e ious description previously of wanting to be prepared for marriage.