According to the literature, researcher reflexivity allows the researcher the opportunity to reflect on how personal experiences, subjective values, feelings, attitudes and worldviews may have affected the research process (Long & Johnson, 2000; Morrow, 2005). As a first-time researcher on the topic of seizures in Namibia and as part of the process to ensure that the findings reported in this dissertation are trustworthy, it is important to reflect on my experiences during the process of conducting the study.
As my own background may have influenced how I approached and conducted this study, the reflection process starts with a description of my personal values, feelings and
attitudes. My motivation to embark on a project of this magnitude probably stemmed from being married to a PWE and witnessing the effect of this condition on both the person and the people around the person. My husband was diagnosed with ES approximately 12 years ago and I was involved in the process of diagnosis and treatment as his spouse. Although he had been seizure free for some years, he continues to take AEDs. However, those first experiences remained with me and acted as a source of motivation to make the world a better place for other people with seizure disorders.
Given my background as a systems analyst who gave up the world of computers for a world of psychology, my approach to this dissertation may reflect some of my previous training. I was once told that I am very “pragmatic” and that this may influence my ability to think outside “the box.” I have to acknowledge that this might be true, but I did endeavour to remain aware of this trait and to challenge myself to sometimes step outside the lines. What my previous training did give me was a clear idea of what I was trying to achieve, and the ability to retain this focus for the duration of the study. Working and studying in the field of psychology for the past 12 years as a white female, aged around the latter part of 40, definitely played a role in how I view the world. I do think that mature students are exposed to unique challenges, but it also brings with it a certain determination to succeed despite obstacles in the way. I would like to think that I
approached these obstacles with the necessary grace and consideration for the people that participated in this study. However, my more recent occupation as a psychological counsellor in private practice may have created some preconceived ideas about mental disorders and the role of HCPs, specifically psychiatrists and GPs, in treating such disorders. This research project required me to interact with other HCPs in the role of a researcher and not necessarily as a colleague. Given the fact that the healthcare community in Namibia is quite small, it was sometimes daunting to approach HCPs from other professions to participate in the study. While this familiarity sometimes proved helpful in recruiting participants for the study, it also
necessitated that I remain objective in my interactions with the HCPs.
This proved to be challenging, yet constructive, as it made me aware of the challenges experienced by other mental healthcare professionals in providing services in an environment where such services are not necessarily valued or understood. Moreover, I found that GPs and neurologists welcomed the opportunity to contribute to the research and seemed genuinely interested in what I was doing. I feel that I have gained a better understanding of the context in which HCPs operate and I could challenge some of my preconceived ideas regarding the provision of services to patients. To minimize the impact of researcher bias, I compiled a detailed profile for each HCP (see Appendix G) in which I reflected on the interviewing process by noting my impressions and some of the reactions observed in the HCPs.
Insofar as the interaction with THPs is concerned, this was truly a novel experience. Coming from a background of Western beliefs and culture, it proved challenging and daunting for this mature, white woman to gain entry into the world of traditional medicine. The healers and I did not share the same cultural heritage or ethnic origins and this contributed to the novelty of the experience. However, once an opening presented itself, the process unfolded in many surprizing ways. It was both educational and inspirational to experience the world of traditional healing. In some aspects, my lack of exposure to this culture served me well, as I did not have many preconceived ideas and was able to enter this world with an open mind. Although there may have been a certain amount of bias towards traditional practices, coming from a biomedical background, this was soon dispelled. Detailed profiles of my encounters with the THPs was compiled to maintain a full history of the interview process and to give me an opportunity to reflect on these experiences (see Appendix G).
An overriding emotion during the execution of this study relates to the feeling that participants harboured certain expectations regarding the outcome of this research. This sometimes created a feeling of pressure to deliver a product that will make an immediate difference to the current situation in Namibia. However, I had to place these expectations in context and instead focus on seeing this dissertation as the first step in a process that can improve
the lives of not only people with seizures, but also of those involved in providing healthcare to this population.