There are six types of conversation. These are
Chat The least formal of all conversations, e.g., two friends discussing about cricket and the
latest fashion, or two women talking about their husbands.
Dialogue Conversations in a book, play, or film. Also, a formal discussion between two groups
or countries, especially when they are trying to solve a problem, end a disagreement, etc.
Parley A formal discussion between enemies regarding the terms of a truce.
Colloquy The most formal of all conversations (a colloquy on nuclear disarmament); it can
also be used to ironically describe a guarded exchange (a brief colloquy with the arresting officer).
Communion A form of conversation that may take place on such a profound level that no
words are necessary (communion with nature).
Strategies for Effectiveness
Each type of conversation serves a specific, well-defined purpose. By following certain simple strategies discussed below, we all can make our conversations more interesting, inspiring, and influential.
• Listening intently
• Arousing and sustaining interest • Starting and ending conversations
• Developing ideas adequately • Involving everyone in the group • Using appropriate language
We have already understood the importance of listening intently in Chapter 4, including how one can encourage the speaker by clearly indicating one’s interest in what the speaker has to say. In the following sections, we discuss the rest of the strategies listed here.
Starting and ending a conversation
While conversing with friends and acquaintances, we may not have any difficulty in starting or ending the conversation as we share many common events or experiences with them. However, with a stranger or with somebody whom we do not know very well, we should have some strategy to start and end our conversations. In such cases, an effective conversation may play an important role in shaping our career or developing a long-lasting relationship. Following are a few openers and closers for conversations we can use depending on different situations and topics.
Conversation openers We can state a fact or ask a question to start a conversation. We
can also start with a smile and some greeting word. In general, we may start by referring to a situation or to the person we are conversing with.
Starters for conversations with known people
• How did you like yesterday’s programme? • I did not like today’s class on ‘circuits and signals’. • Your shirt looks new. Is there anything special today? • Have you completed the assignments?
• The Mess food is getting better these days. • I like your earrings. Where did you get them?
• The Government should not have introduced this scheme.
Starters for conversation with strangers
• Hello James, how do you do? • Hello Sir, welcome to our college! • Hi, Rohan, weather is very nice. Isn’t it?
• I am a second year student here. Are you a fresher?
‘A conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. That’s why there are so few good conver-sations—due to scarcity, two intelligent talkers seldom meet.’
• Hello Mr Gupta, I have heard a lot about you but meeting you for the first time. • Mr Mahesh, nice to meet you.
• Good morning, I have been asked to appear for an interview at Sapient Corporation. Please guide me where I
should submit my records.
Conversation closers No matter how good and interesting our conversations are, we need
to close them at some point. Signals such as boredom, restlessness, silence, etc., often indicate that our conversation should end. Moreover, if there is a time constraint, we have to end our conversation on or before time. In any case, we should end it emphatically. For instance, in an interview, you need to thank the panel at the end and tell them how you have enjoyed the interview. Similarly, if you are speaking to your professor on a project, you need to end your conversation by emphasizing what you have done so far and what would be your next step. The following samples would be useful in ending a conversation effectively:
• May be we can get in touch by next week. Hope to see you again.
• Thank you very much for this opportunity. It was great to attend this interview and I look forward to meeting
you again soon.
• It has been nice speaking to you. Have a nice day/good night.
• I have some more things to discuss but I would like to take leave now. I will get back to you later. Thank you. • I will not take any more time but it has been nice talking to you. Have a great evening.
• So let me confirm that we would take care of your investment plans. Thank you very much and have a nice day. • It is my first visit to your organization and I would like to meet many others during my next visit. Thank you for
making my first visit memorable.
• Ok, then I will email you the details you had asked for. See you soon. • John, thanks once gain for your advice.
• Thank you Ma’am, I will certainly follow your guidelines and perform better next time. Have a nice day Ma’am!
Involving everyone
Assume that you are conversing with two of your teammates on an important class assignment on a team presentation:
You: Hello Mohan and Ramesh, I think we need to decide today on the topic for our presentation. Ramesh: Yes, we know. What we thought of was ….
You: I think we can select ‘Controversies on Moon Landing’. It will be interesting for others and we have
adequate material.
Mohan: We have another topic in mind. Shall I …
You: As I already told you, the topic I said will be liked by everybody and there should not be any problem in
presenting it.
In this conversation, you may realize that you have not involved your teammates in deciding upon the topic for the presentation.
A good conversationalist is not one who holds the listeners spellbound by his/her speech, but one who involves everybody into the conversation. We should not forget about the others in the group who may have something to contribute. Rather than individual contributions, participation of the group as a whole is more important in a conversation. Involvement of everyone makes a conversation more interesting, informative, resourceful, and effective.
Arousing and sustaining interest
Conversations become successful only when all the participants have interest in the discussion and participate in it. A conversation filled with questions, answers, views, expressions, statements, and information always turns out to be an interesting one. Good ideas from the various participants are often helpful to make the conversation interesting. Every participant may be different from the others in terms of their response and behaviour. Hence, it is necessary to arouse and sustain the interest of everybody while maintaining a balance among their different interests.
The following conversation will enable one to understand how one can arouse and sustain interest in the conversation partner.
You: Hey, what are you doing?
Counterpart: I am struggling to put up some web pages together.
You: What are they about? (You are encouraging your counterpart to share her problem.)
Counterpart: Figures of speech in American English, similes, metaphors, oxymorons, idioms, etc.
You: That sounds interesting! Could I have a look? (You are arousing her interest in speaking to you)
Counterpart: By all means. In fact, I wanted you to go through these pages.
You: Absolutely, just give me a few minutes, I will finish my coffee and be right back (You are sustaining
her interest)
Counterpart: That is fine.
…
You: I think you are doing a great job of it. The content will be quite helpful for people who
are trying to learn English, and also for those who want to add to their knowledge of the language. (You are appreciating her)
Developing ideas adequately
Once we start the conversation and set the stage, we should have some strategies to develop our ideas. The best strategy is to build a knowledge reservoir that never lets our conversation run dry. Facts and information always make others enjoy the discussion. We can gather knowledge from reading, listening, watching television, and observations and experience. We can draw our examples from this gathered knowledge to make our conversations more meaningful and convincing.
‘Questioning is the mode of conversation among gentlemen.’
–Samuel Johnson
Hey, I met the last year s president of students union.
He talked and talked. Then?
And then he talked, and talked some more.
Enjoy the following conversation between two friends on the T20 World Cup Cricket Tournament held in West Indies. Both the girls add value to their conversation by bringing in more matter from newspaper, TV, etc.
Shilpa: Hi Preeti, I feel very low today because India is out of semi finals. Preeti: Yeah, me too. It is a shame on us.
Shilpa: Did you read today’s newspaper? It says that Indian team played its match against West Indies very
casually and it lacked in all fronts—fielding, batting, bowling, and captaincy.
Preeti: Yes, I know. I just watched the TV news channel. There are many controversies surrounding this match! Shilpa: Like …?
Preeti: Like—the players did not have any rest after IPL T20, some of them were not fit to play, they were not
focused on the tournament because of the overnight parties, etc.
Shilpa: It is indeed sad to watch our team perform badly.
Using appropriate language
This is the most difficult aspect of a conversation. We use language in conversations to convey our ideas and feelings, to paraphrase the presented thoughts, to appreciate others, to reflect implications and underlying feelings, and to invite further contributions. Given below are some practical hints to accomplish these purposes.
Practical hints Our body language is very important to reinforce whatever we are speaking
or listening to. For example, using gestures such as nodding our head while listening, or uttering uh-huh, etc., adopting suitable postures, maintaining purposeful eye contact, and facial expression would enhance the quality of our conversations. In addition, certain specific phrases that can be used in certain situations during our conversations are as follows.
Paraphrasing the presented thoughts or feelings
• What you are saying according to me is … • As far as I understand what you mean is that … • Do you mean to say that …
• So your feeling is that …
Making the others feel appreciated
• Fantastic! How do you keep coming up with such good ideas? • What a memory! Wish mine was as good …
• You learn fast! I wish I could too …
Reflecting the implications (where the content is leading)
• So that might lead to a situation in which … • Would that help with the problem of …
• I suppose if you did that, you would then be in a position to …
Reflecting the underlying feelings
• Had it happened to me I would have been rather upset. • That must have been rather satisfying.
• I guess that must make you rather anxious.
Inviting further contributions
• Could you tell me a bit more about that?
• How did you feel when you learnt that you were promoted? • What happened then?
Interrupting politely
• Do you mind if I say something here? • May I ask you something at this point?
Useful phrases Given below are phrases and expressions that would be helpful in putting
forth preferences and opinions, offering explanations, and disagreeing with others’ views. Opinions, preferences
I think …, In my opinion …, I would like to …, I would rather …, I would prefer …, The way I see it …, As far as I am concerned …, If it were up to me …, I suppose …, I suspect that …, I am pretty sure that …, It is fairly certain that …, I am convinced that …, I honestly feel that …, I strongly believe that …, Without a doubt …
Disagreeing
I do not think that …, Don’t you think it would be better …, I do not agree, I would prefer …, Should we not consider …, But what about …, I am afraid I do not agree …, Frankly, I doubt if …, Let us face it, The truth of the matter is …, The problem with your point of view is that …
Giving reasons and offering explanations
To start with, The reason why …, That is why …, For this reason …, That is the reason why …, Many people think …, Considering …, Allowing for the fact that …, When you consider that …
To sum up, conversing involves use of appropriate verbal cues besides other factors such as active listening, involvement of every member, understanding of implications, use of non-verbal cues, and so on. Choosing the right word at the right time to the right person is very important for a conversation to be effective. For example, while talking about the latest features of a database product to some database administrators, unnecessary superlatives should not be used to describe the product as that may exert an adverse effect. On the other hand, while narrating a sensational incident at a social gathering, one should try to re-create the scene by using sensational words and expressions. We always need to remember that acquiring conversational skill is the magic key to our professional success and our social popularity.