JOSÉ, PADRE SOLÍCITO
III. SÚPLICA A SAN JOSÉ
You know that inside somewhere is the true you, the part that is your best part, the part that represents what you want most, the part that really loves you and others, the part that is your inner hero. That part is your Higher Self. Have you ever tried to write your best and most important Higher Self beliefs?
A few years ago, I decided to write my own current version of "How To Be Happy." I wanted to integrate all that I had learned from my personal life and my years as a psychologist. The result was a list of key beliefs and skills that formed the basis for this book. I have summarized them in the box, "I CHOOSE LOVE, TRUTH, and HAPPINESS." These guidelines are commitments that are from the conscious core of my philosophy of life and of my "Higher Self." Just about everything else in my life follows from this center of my values and goals.
PRACTICE: Write Your Higher Self Statements. Perhaps you would like to make
a similar commitment to yourself. You may use my version, or (better) write your own version. When you have your first version, put it in a place where you will look at it frequently on a daily or weekly basis (in a closet, inside a cabinet door, on a mirror, etc.). Periodically revise it.
My Commitment:
I CHOOSE LOVE, TRUTH, and HAPPINESS-- Loving Myself, Loving Others, and Loving All Creation
(The Foundation of My Higher Self)
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I am grateful for the gift of life. I was given the gift of life and the opportunity to create
a happy life for myself. I did not earn or deserve life or this opportunity--so I will not complain that my time on Earth or opportunities may not be as great as someone else's.
I am the person most responsible for meeting my own needs and values. I cannot
prove that my feelings are important, I can only assert that they are important to me because I am the one affected by them. I am also the person most in control of my own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Since I am the one most in control, I am also the one most responsible for my thoughts, feelings, and actions. [I am not primarily responsible for others' thoughts, emotions, or actions.]
My ultimate concern is maximizing my own and others' happiness and contributing to the good of the universe. All other values or goals are less important than this ultimate
concern. I recognize that whenever I do not keep this as my ultimate concern, I will confuse the means with the end and decrease my chances of being happy.
* I try to properly balance present with future happiness and balance my own with others' happiness-- a key to inner harmony.
* For every decision I make--especially big ones--I will attempt to estimate which
alternative will lead to the greatest truth and happiness. I will choose that alternative. Part of my ultimate concern is to always seek truth and growth for myself and others.
My mind was designed to seek the truth and continually grow in knowledge. Without truth and growth I cannot be maximally happy. Others have the same needs to ultimately find happiness. Truth and growth are basic principles of the universe. Therefore, I will make them top priority conscious goals and "hunger and thirst" for the truth.
I CHOOSE LOVE, TRUTH, AND HAPPINESS (Continued)
I care about every cell, system, and value in myself. Every cell and every system in my body and mind is important to my overall functioning, health, and happiness, and I care for each one. One way to care for each part of myself is to give it proper exercise and allow it regular harmonious functioning.
M Similarly, every living cell and creature is important--the most important being the happiness of humans.
I will take good care of every area of my life
(and encourage others to do likewise) including:
1. My Higher Self and spiritual needs. I will continue to develop the part of me
that loves life, myself, and others. I will seek greater understanding, empathy, acceptance, and forgiveness of myself and others--even those who have harmed me (that does not exclude reparations).
2. My relationships with others--empathy, love, and clear boundaries. I will seek
win--win relationships with others and realize that each of us is primarily responsible for our own happiness. I will not allow myself to remain in abusive or win--loose
relationships where I am either the winner or loser. I will either change the relationship until it is acceptable or separate myself from it. Some other guidelines:
*Loving means giving without expecting anything in return.
*I give primarily out of empathy and love--giving makes me happier by seeing others happy. I give only secondarily to get something in return.
*Loving effectively is giving what the other person truly wants/needs.* Empathetic listening and exploring issues in depth is the way to discover what the other wants/needs.
*If there is conflict between what I think others' needs are and others' requests, I must use my deep understanding to decide the issue. However, normally I go by what they say.
*If I can help create a good relationship with one person, I can help create at least that good a relationship with someone else.
3. My relationship to nature, beauty, and my environment. 4. My body, health, and safety.
5. My mind, learning, and growth in each area of knowledge.
6. My emotions. While pleasure is important, happiness is much more important. To
obtain happiness I must resolve inner conflicts and feel good about my current and future satisfaction of values in each life area. I must learn how to function harmoniously (See chapters 7, 8).
7.My material and financial needs.
8.My education and career--my contributions to other people and the world.
9. My play and personal activities. I will set priorities for my free time that produce
the greatest happiness (and is not based on "shoulds"). During this time I can meet health and happiness values such as physical activity, learning, beauty, spirituality, social, creativity, sex, and many more. I will minimize time spent on less productive and fun activities. I will do them as quickly and efficiently as possible or try to create a natural interest or fun in them.
Where do I look for guidance I can trust?
Not from my lower pleasures and pains--they are too shortsighted. Not from just any emotions or thoughts--
they may come from dysfunctional parts of myself.
Not from just anyone--they may not know or care what is best for me. Then where?
I can trust the emotions and inner voice of my Higher Self, because the Higher Self reflects true empathy and love for self and others. Even if it makes errors, at least it values happiness and truth above all.
It is my inner hero and spiritual center. Every time I listen to it and choose its way,
CHAPTER 4: