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In the latter two sub-sections, some important ideals regarding masculinity and the division of roles within marriage have been outlined. Fulfilling these ideals, however, was not always easy or even possible at all. For some, this was of graver concern than for others.

Many of the women I spoke with told me that their husband did not provide for the family in full or at all. In fact, almost all women fulfilled an important role when it came to providing. Of the women I spoke with, only the significantly older women (70+ years of age) did not engage in any income generating activities. For some of the women it was not a problem to share the burden of generating income. Yet for some, especially those who had a husband who did not provide at all, it was very problematic and the double workload caused a lot of stress or would make some women feel like they were not able to take proper care of their children and thus fulfil their ‘original’ role.

In order to share the burden of providing for the family, most women would work on the land, sell at the market, or cook at a restaurant. In the case of Francis and Susan, for example, the two would go to the garden together almost every day, although Francis would sometimes stay a while longer when Susan had already gone home to prepare food together with her daughters and daughters-in-law. Overall, it seemed that men were struggling to provide and that women stepped in, but that men would usually not take up the tasks that

were traditionally held for women. As Mama Collins added after explaining the ideal division of labor in the household to me:

‘In this place, the role of men and women get mixed up. Men do not fulfil their duties, so women have to do this as well.’

As has become clear throughout this thesis, providing economically in the context of Pabo was an often troublesome task. Many of the people were not educated and were dependent on farming. Yet, many men were engaged in land conflict and as such not able to access the land they always expected they would. To add to this, many people lost their livestock during the war and as such another source of wealth and income was gone. Some of the men would get very emotional when talking about this loss of livestock, teared up, or expressed that it ‘pained’ them that this had been taken away from their families. In Francis’ story above, these elements also came to the fore, and it was clear that he was worried about being able to provide for his family and that it brought him stress (‘no sleep’) that he was sometimes unable to do this.

Other men expressed that high expectations were placing a heavy burden on them mentally and physically as well. Many of the men who expressed this were, like Francis, healthy and not too old yet. Yet for those who had physical limitations, it was even harder. Walter, a 55 year-old man who sustained an injury during the time of the camp that still left him handicapped, expressed that it started during the time of the camp, where he ‘found it hard, as a father, to provide’. This worry never went away, and because of his handicap the burden only became worse. As he expressed:

‘I am still worried about my future because I am weak now. And the strength of the family depends on my strength as a father. So now [that] I am weak, I even expect the future of my family to be weak. […] So I am so worried about my future and the future of the family because of my disability. […] And I wish [that] I could manage to pay all my children to school, the high level of education, then they will take where I stopped. They will move on with the family. But now I can’t make it to my expectation.’

In the case of Lawrence, the 77 year-old man living at the market, it was also especially heavy. He cleaned the public toilets and the health center during the day and worked as a security guard at the market during the night. He expressed that the work as a night guard was dangerous at his age and that he was also barely able to make a living from this. Yet, he had to keep going because he wanted to be accepted by the community and provide for his wife and children. He expressed his struggle and his worry to me:

‘So when I reflect home, back home, I find that they need me a lot. And especially the wife, who is very weak, needs my help. And I am struggling hard to support her and the children who are not married, but they need the money so that they can also get married, get the wives. I ask myself: ‘Where will I get the money?’. [That] sometimes makes me unhappy. And makes me to think a lot and struggle a lot.’

It is important that Lawrence brought up the fact that he needed money for his unwed sons, as this brings back the topic of bride price. Ideally, the bride price would be paid by the man’s family or clan as a whole from the livestock that was in their possession. Yet, as both the LRA and the government army stole a lot of livestock during the war and as the move to camp made it impossible to keep the animals that were still there, the Acholi were largely left without this source of wealth. This gravely affected the ability of men to pay a bride price – much to the dismay of some of the older people I spoke with and to the frustration of those who remained indebted.

The amount to be paid by the husband to his future wife’s family was flexible. And with the demise of livestock possession, the form it could take changed as well. One young

man I spoke with, William, was struggling to pay the bride price by the time we talked. He was 33 years old and he and his wife had been married for several years, yet since he had still not been able to pay the bride price in full, the wife’s family had decided that she had to move back home until he had done so. According to William, the bride price consisted of the following: 2.5 million Ugandan Shillings (approximately €600), 2 cows, 10 goats, 25 chickens, 100 kilograms of sugar, a shirt for the father, a dress for the mother, shoes, 10 liters of paraffin oil, and 1.3 million Ugandan Shillings for ‘spoiling her education’11_{. The latter had to be paid} because they got married when his wife was 19 years old and still in school.

William mostly worked in construction but was also trained as a tailor. As he was unable to find a job in construction, he was working here and there as a tailor and also growing some crops which he was hoping to harvest and sell in a few months. With only this casual labor to rely on, it was difficult for him to get all the money and goods together to pay the bride price. This was difficult for him, because he was ‘missing her so much’ and also missed their daughter. He remained a little bit optimistic, however, as he believed that he ‘could bargain’ on the price.

William was not the only young man struggling with this issue. Mike and his girlfriend, for example, were not officially married. To my surprise, tears welled up in his eyes when he told me that he really wanted to get married traditionally, but that a lack of money was preventing him from doing so. Mike’s and William’s experiences go to show that there are high, internalized expectations for (young) men when it comes to marriage, and that being unable to meet these expectations because of a lack of money can lead to a lot of stress.

The final discrepancy I would like to highlight here relates to the shift in cultural understanding that was discussed before. Isaac, for example, told me that: ‘Teaching children became very hard. Because you find a child can copy a life [style] from someone and try to practice it. So, as a father, [it was] very hard to teach such children’. A concrete example of this was the struggle between Charity and her parents. What seemed to have happened was that the time in the camp caused the two generations to grow further apart, making it harder to fulfill the task of teacher or social guide – both for the fathers and the mothers in Pabo.

Overall, there was thus a mental and physical burden on both partners in marriage. Women, on the one hand, were often faced with men who were unwilling or unable to provide for the family. This meant that these women had to take up additional tasks while not receiving much help with the work at home. This made many feel alone and exhausted. Men, on the other hand, were struggling with societal expectations that were more often than not impossible to fulfil. Many men would feel like they were failing their wives, children, themselves, and social expectations. In a society where men were hierarchically higher than women and where it was important to be a masculine man, it was often difficult to come to terms with such a failure and to, as a result, be considered less of a man. This had a deep impact as it was related to one’s identity and social acceptance.