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Identifying the Problem

Most homeschooled children enjoy being homeschooled, and readily co- operate with their parents. If the parents begin this `new adventure' with enthusiasm, the children usually respond positively too. However, there are definite cases where the children are reluctant, resistant or even rebellious towards being schooled at home. Sometimes the parents are quickly disillusioned by this unexpected opposition. After all, the children in homeschooling families they've read about all love it, don't they? So what's wrong with Junior? They conclude that maybe he's just not suited to this lifestyle, and respond by immediately re-enrolling him back in school where he was `happy', without persevering or analysing the problem.

There are two main things wrong with the parents' action here. Firstly, although it is for the child's good that they have decided to homeschool, the parents are not doing it because he wants them to. They should be doing it because God wants them to.

Secondly, if the parents give in to what the child wants because he makes a fuss, they are allowing themselves to be manipulated. Take a lesson from worldly parents of a generation or two ago. If you'd watched mothers or fathers taking their little ones to the local state school for the first time then, you would have seen the usual crying, tantrums, clinging and a general "I don't want to!" on the part of some of the youngsters. And what did

those parents do with their big babies that didn't want to adjust to change? Did they give in and take them home again? Of course not! Because they believed that it was in their child's best interest to go to school, they said goodbye and let him get used to it. Your child will also get used to homeschooling - and enjoy it. In this chapter we look at some things you can do to smooth the way. The parent must simply learn to know their child well enough to identify any problems.

(Now, why is the school scene just pictured from a generation or two ago? Because the modern day parent generally offloads their child into daycare from infancy, so there are no pleasant homelife memories for the child to cling to anyway . . . )

There are three main instances in which the parent may find their child resenting home education. First, a kindergarten-aged child who has never been to school; second, a child being withdrawn from school; and third, a child who becomes discontented after being homeschooled for some time. We will look at these situations in turn, and at the possible problems associated with each.

In all cases, the parent should aim to present every homeschooling activity in the most enjoyable way possible. This does not mean that all schoolwork must be `fun', and that anything laborious must be avoided. Instead it means that needless `busywork' should be culled, the materials used should be of the best and most interesting, and the child should be trained to have a good attitude towards work, consistent with his maturity. This is the best general way of preventing unco-operative behaviour.

The Non-starter

You have patiently waited for your child to reach an age where you could begin homeschooling him in earnest. Of course, all his life he has been trained at home, but you've just been itching to formally start his `real' education, right? Now that he's between four and six, you bring out those preschool workbooks you've been hoarding, only to find he's not the least bit interested. When, by the ripe old age of seven you find that numbers and letters still hold no attraction for him, you begin to panic. After all, he is now past the compulsory school starting age, and he won't seem to let you teach him anything. What is the problem?

Actually, there is nothing abnormal happening here. Young children live in the beautiful world of childhood where they learn best by play. As a child's mind matures, spontaneous play gives way to deliberately thought-out activities, reasoning, and experiments in cause and effect. An example of this process might be a child's use of Lego- type blocks. While he is a toddler, play might begin with haphazardly sticking one block onto another, then progress to making geometric patterns or long lines and pleasing shapes,

and finally the mature child may use the blocks as the basis of some animated construction of his own creation, such as a string-operated crane.

Maturity, rather than actual age, dictates the timing of the transition from haphazard to creative play. Likewise, a child of any age that is not willing to start formal learning may be not ready because of this lack of maturity, and not a lack of intelligence. A child can be very intelligent, but immature, and this child will fare badly in a classroom environment. He is keen, active and inquisitive, but not yet able to sit down and concentrate on abstracts such as numbers and letters. His restlessness will get him in strife with his teachers, and he could be seriously handicapped all his school life because his immaturity will label him, wrongly, a `slow learner' (or at least a trouble-maker!). Such a child needs to be homeschooled, so that an understanding parent can introduce the elements of his basic education as he is able to grasp them. Although he may seem off to a slow start regarding his formal education, as this child matures (and he will!), he will more than catch up on his age mates before long. The only factor likely to prevent his eventual success is if he is made to feel he is a dunce from the outset. Usually, school will do this for him. This can be seen by the fact that, although six-year-old girls are known to be often a year ahead in maturity when compared with boys the same age, no school curriculum reflects this by requiring different skill levels for each gender.

The best way to be able to show that an immature child being homeschooled is still making educational progress, is to use the activities he enjoys as a foundation for learning. Does he like home-made playdough? Teach him to make the alphabet with playdough, a few letters at a time, and talk about each one's shape and sound. If the letters are dried out in a warm oven, they will harden and can then be used repeatedly. Does he like to paint? Paint the playdough capital letters to correspond to the small ones, then play a matching game with a few letters at a time. Above all, keep each of these `teaching' sessions short, and be sure to include plenty of free time for him to make his own playdough creations. Stop short of the point at which your teaching becomes tedious instead of enjoyable to the child.

Usually a child likes to be able to recognize his own name, so show him how to put the letters of his name together. You can use your playdough letters, or the common bought magnetic ones. Be liberal in praise when he can do this himself - this is a real breakthrough! Get him to show Daddy and Grandma that he can spell out his name with playdough or plastic letters. In this way, even a child who does not yet have pencil control can enjoy learning his alphabet without frustration.

There are many other easy ways your reluctant learner can make tangible progress without being tied to a desk, paper and pencil. A slice tray or roasting pan with a layer of table salt in the bottom makes a great slate. Show your child how to make pictures,

or write letters and numbers by tracing them out with his finger. He will be delighted when a gentle shake of the tray `erases' his writing, ready for him to start over with a clean slate. (Of course you will use this opportunity to talk about how God erases sins from our hearts when we confess them, won't you?)

You can buy letters made of sponge. These are great to dip in paint and `write' by stamping them on paper. As a variation, dip them in glue and arrange them into words on the paper. Carefully remove the letters, then sprinkle sand, or salt (coloured with food colouring) over the glue. Watch your child smile as the glue-writing becomes visible when the sprinkles stick to it. Be sure to date and collect all such learning `evidence' into a ring binder or scrapbook.

Sing the "Alphabet Song" (the one to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"), and make a tape together of the letters and their sounds. Prepare a large sheet of paper as an Alphabet Poster. Point to each letter as it is mentioned on the tape. (Sing slowly enough for this!) Eventually your child will be able to copy you. Find all sorts of wonderful things for your child to count: pegs, beads, stars, stickers, marbles, raisins, nuts, etc. Get out Grandma's button tin and sort out sets of buttons by colour, size, shape, number of holes and by what they're made of. (Did you know that besides the usual plastic, metal and wood, buttons can be made from seashell, coconut shell, leather, ivory and gemstones!) Talk about where each of these materials comes from. Your child will be fascinated.

The child's mind receives information through each of his five senses: sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. In using activities like those mentioned above over a period of time, you are trying to stimulate as many of the child's senses as possible. By giving him such concrete items to count, handle and experience, he will be better prepared to later understand the abstract ideas his mind will need to interpret, such as a sum written in a workbook.

What child is there who does not enjoy being read a good story? Make storytimes regular and companionable by cosying up together in a comfy chair. A Bible story and a wholesome picturebook should be shared daily. Sometimes use your finger to follow along under the words so that the child will automatically track in a left to right direction when he begins to read himself.

Children do have a natural desire to learn. There are many useful books available which suggest educational activities for the young. But while you may not have time to organise much of this, you do have time for the best method of all - simply interacting with your child. Plenty of discussion throughout the day will boost their understanding and curiosity about the world around them, and present opportunities to talk about God and the Christian life. In fact, research has shown that much talking and explaining to a young child increases their I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient).

As you discuss things, use proper terms to expand your child's vocabulary. For instance, rather than saying, "Junior, look at the moo-cows!", you could say, "See those Friesian heifers waiting to be milked," explaining to him that black and white cows are the `Friesian' breed, and `heifer' is the proper word for a young cow. If you're feeling knowledgeable, you could go on, explaining that Friesland is a part of Holland where those cows first came from. Relate new information to things he already knows, ("remember those Dutch windmill pictures we saw?" "Oh, yeah!" "Well, that's the country called Holland, and it's not far from England where Daddy was born," "Oh!" "We'll look on the map when we get home, shall we?" "Yes, please!") It's always good to finish by giving God the glory for every new experience, perhaps by saying something like, "Isn't God wonderful to make so many different types of friendly cows to give us milk and cheese and butter?"

Of course, a conversation like this could head just about anywhere. Your main aims, though, are to expand the number of different words your child knows (vocabulary), get him to express himself often and to help him describe things accurately. All these activities directly increase his I.Q., as well as enhance your parent-child relationship. Neither does it depend on how much you know as the parent. It only depends on your enthusiasm, and your willingness to go and get out some simple library books on a topic your child is keen on at the time.

For example, you might be busy cutting up pumpkin when your child sings out from the front room, "Mum, there's a bird in that tree!" You could respond with a uninterested, "Mmm, that's nice, dear." Or, instead, you could utter a delighted "Oooooh!", join Junior at the window to watch the bird, guess together what species he is, what attracts him to that tree (food, nesting, cover?), or anything else that comes to mind. You might follow this up by recording the sighting in your bird book, or consulting a reference to find out more information about Junior's feathered friend. This whole episode might have only taken five or ten minutes out of your day, but your enthusiasm may influence your child for life.

Something many parents seem to have lost sight of, is the young child's natural enjoyment of a carefree style of learning. Learning through play is often replaced by structured and demanding bookwork, perhaps because this is easier to dish out than creative play opportunities. At least, this is true in a school. In the home, however, play opportunities usually abound, and the parent can be sure to provide playthings that develop the mind. Even better, the home will provide work opportunities, and a steady means of serving others. Really, there should be no such thing as a workbook labelled "Kindergarten Level", because the word `kindergarten' is German for children's garden. A garden designed for children to play and learn in is a better environment for this age than a desk.

homeschool. It should be the aim of parents to know their child well enough to discern the difference between unwillingness born of immaturity, and unwillingness born of disobedience. In the first case, the child is discouraged because the schooling tasks are beyond his abilities. He will happily learn instead through play activities. In the second case, the child is simply exhibiting his inborn sinful nature, and is testing the parent by his obstinacy or laziness. If the parents believe their child is just trying to force his will onto them, out of love for the child his will must be broken through discipline, and he must be made to cheerfully comply with his parents' instructions. (Perhaps you can now see good reason for praying daily for wisdom!)

Above all, do not panic over the non-starter. Decades of research into education methods by Dr Raymond and Dorothy Moore (see Chapter 19), showed that a child will do just as well, if not better, when his formal education is delayed until at least nine years old. By `formal' education, we mean the structured, planned and methodical teaching of those subjects generally taught in a school, measured in grades, and using traditional methods such as books and writing. Without formally educating the young child, he may not be specifically taught to tell the time at a young age. However, he might learn this skill informally because he wants to know how to tell time, and asks you to show him on the clock. He will learn many things which ready him for future formal studies by simply interacting daily with his family members, enjoying their interests and sharing in their conversations. Some of the Moores' research concerned average ability children raised to age twelve in a caring home environment, but without formal education. At twelve, these children were able to master all the basic school skills of reading, writing and arithmetic up to highschool level, in only one formal year instead of the usual seven or eight. This surprising feat was made simple because of the natural maturity of the twelve year old, and the understanding gained from years of real-life experiences.

The Reluctant Reader

As was mentioned in an earlier chapter, children sometimes `pick up' how to read, without being formally taught. However, even if you decide to delay your child's formal education for the most part, there are two good reasons why you should make a deliberate effort to teach your child to read. First, because we want our children to be godly, they will be helped in this by being able to read God's Book for themselves. Second, it is obvious that they will learn more in every subject, even maths, once they can read.

What does the parent do, then, when a child shows an unwillingness to learn to read? Forcing the issue head on will usually be counterproductive. Instead, create a desire to read in the child, and let that desire overcome any opposition. Here are some ways to achieve this.

Read to the child. Have many good quality, interesting books on hand. Read often, always making it a pleasant experience, and stopping at a most exciting part if sharing a long story together. Don't think that you reading to him will make him too lazy to read for himself; the opposite happens. All the best and earliest readers were read to, often.

Get Father to leave him a note in the morning, giving him all day to wonder what it says. If he has some phonics skills up his sleeve he may try to decipher it despite himself. This is what you want. You want him to see a purpose in reading, and to be motivated to read. Make sure the notes are always something very rewarding to read, for example, "If you can read this, Junior, you can have the chocolate I have left for you on the top shelf of the pantry." All children love getting mail, so ask some of his friends or Grandma to write letters to Junior. When a letter comes for him, tell him you will try to find time later to read it out. Watch and see if he has a go on his own.

Do not let your child spend much time watching videos, television, playing with an abundance of toys or computer games. Since young children primarily read for entertainment, he won't take the trouble to learn to read if his entertainment needs are already being met. Older children read for information as well as for entertainment, and in