Sesión de aprendizaje N° 3

What I leave, When you go, What I see, And what you show,

And what I guess, And when I don't, Is something you Already, already know,

I can't live without, All I think about, All I want is you, You're all I dream about,

I can't live without, All I want is you,

After the thought finally sank in Edward simply remained standing there, staring at his father in wide-eyed disbelief. Surely, Harry would have told him if it was true, but he knew that it was. Now that the thought had entered Edward‘s mind he could feel the truth of it in every bone of his body. What was he supposed to do? He looked to his father—Carlisle always knew what to do.

―What do I do?‖ Edward asked feeling like something was crushing his chest. He was lucky that he didn‘t have to breathe, because if he were human he most likely wouldn‘t have been able to.

―Sit down,‖ Carlisle answered, grabbing Edward‘s arm and leading Edward over to a chair before his legs gave out. He could clearly see that his son was in shock, which was good for the moment. He couldn‘t have Edward rushing off and doing something he may regret later. ―We‘ll think this through together. We can‘t just rush into it.‖

Edward simply nodded his head—there was nothing else he could do.

Carlisle sat down beside Edward and scooted closer, offering as much comfort and support as he could. ―You just told me that you were not in love Bella, so do you think—is there a chance that you could possibly love Harry?‖ he asked needing to know for both his sons‘ sake. Carlisle would not force Edward to be in a relation-

ship he was not happy in, and Harry would not want Edward to be with him if he didn‘t love him.

―I already do. I‘ve always loved Harry,‖ Edward answered immediately, which was what Carlisle had expected, but not what he needed confirmed. He knew that Ed- ward loved Harry, but could he possibly be in love with him or if he wasn‘t already, could something more possibly grow.

―You‘ve loved him as a brother, Edward. I‘m asking if you could love him as more. Do you think you could love Harry as a lover would? Do you think you could be intimate with him on every level, because that is what Harry is going to need?‖ Carlisle corrected his previous question, watching Edward intently for any hint in his face or eyes.

―I-I don‘t know,‖ Edward answered truthfully after a small pause. ―I never allowed myself to think about him that way. I mean—he‘s always been my baby brother.‖ Carlisle rubbed his face with a sigh, trying to think. ―You would have to get past that somehow Edward or—‖

―Or he‘ll die,‖ Edward cut in. ―Damn it!‖ he then snapped grabbing his hair in fru- stration.

―When you look at Harry, when you think of him, what do you feel, Edward? What do you see?‖ Carlisle asked trying to help Edward along. He knew that there had to be more there than just brotherly affection, Edward just had to realize it for himself.

―Harry—he-he‘s… amazing,‖ Edward finally breathed. ―He‘s the most amazing per- son I know. He‘s fun and interesting and beautiful and so smart. I love spending time with him. We just click, you know. I‘m happy when he‘s with me. I love and hate that I can‘t read his mind: love it because it makes him so intriguing to me and hate it because I want to know everything there is to know about him. I want to know where his genius comes from. I wanted to know every secret, every

thought, and I-I just – I don‘t know I—‖

―Okay that‘s good, Edward. Keep going,‖ Carlisle encouraged, as Edward seemed to grow frustrated at not being able to put it into words like he wanted to.

―I-I was jealous when I saw him with Draco during the photo shoot,‖ Edward ad- mitted staring at the wall over Carlisle‘s shoulder, lost in the emotions he had forced himself to push away and forget about that day. ―I hated Draco touching him, and everyone staring at him—I hated it. I wanted to cover him up and tell all of them to back off.‖

―Do you think that was because you were feeling protective of your brother, or be- cause you didn‘t want anyone else to touch him?‖ Carlisle asked gently, trying to help Edward understand his own feelings. He felt like a therapist, but then again he did have a degree in it—although that had been about thirty years ago.

―I didn‘t want anyone to touch him,‖ Edward answered easily.

He remembered the feeling clearly now, he‘d wanted to rip Draco‘s hands off of Harry and blind anyone who dared to look at him so dirtily. Then having to hear their thoughts as well had nearly driven Edward over the edge. Edward hadn‘t al- lowed himself to really think of Harry in this capacity before though, as a lover, and now that he was allowing his mind to run with it-it just seemed to click. ―I love him dad, I do. There‘s a difference, there always has been with Harry. I knew it before, but I never allowed myself to think on it, to explore it, but I-I can acknowledge it now. I mean—I love Emmett and Jasper,‖ Edward continued trying to explain this to both Carlisle and himself, ―but I love Harry. There‘s nothing I wouldn‘t do for him. There isn‘t anything I wouldn‘t try to protect him from. After I saw what Bella had said my first thought wasn‘t about what this would mean for her and me, but about what she could have said to Harry, how she could have hurt Harry. There‘s no one more important to me than Harry—there never has been.‖

―So you are in love with him then?‖ Carlisle questioned, although there was really no question about it. All you had to do was look at Edward and you could see it radiating from him.

―Yeah, yes, I am,‖ Edward answered in a bit of a daze at the realization. ―I‘ve never allowed myself to think on this. He was always too young, or I was always too scared because of what I thought our relationship was, but I‘ll admit the idea of being with him crossed my mind more than once—before Bella that is. Then I tried not to even allow it to cross my mind. I felt like I was betraying her, and I never thought Harry would actually—but seeing Alice and Jasper, and Emmett and Ro- salie together… I used to think that Harry and I—it was only natural, that once he turned eighteen and was turned we could be like them, but then he was just al- ways my little brother, and then Bella came along—‖

―What about now, Edward? Can you see it now? Can you see Harry as a lover?‖ Carlisle asked trying to calm Edward‘s rambling and needing Edward to be one hundred percent certain.

Edward rested his chin in his hands, and his eyes became distant as he thought. He tried to simply think of Harry, allowing the way he felt about Harry to over- whelm his senses. Edward thought about the way Harry walked with grace and confidence, the way Harry spoke with a hint of a British accent, the way Harry‘s eyes lit up when he was happy, and the way they darkened in desire like they had during the photo shoot.

Edward thought about the way Harry‘s fingers moved over the piano keys effor- tlessly, the way he looked when he was singing, the way his magic raised the hair on the back of Edward‘s neck and sent a shiver down his spine, the way Harry‘s laughter filled every crevice of his heart. Then he tried to think of Harry more inti- mately, Harry kissing him, Harry touching him, Harry moving beneath him.

Edward gasped as the images he hadn‘t dared allowed himself to think before suddenly flooded his mind, and he would have flushed in embarrassment if he had been able to. Instead, Edward closed his eyes for a long moment, and pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind again and tried to reign in the effect they were having on him. Edward couldn‘t look at his father, but he could feel Carlisle‘s amusement.

Why hadn‘t he allowed himself to think on this before? Why had he always pushed those thoughts aside? Perhaps if he hadn‘t they wouldn‘t be in this position. Per- haps if Edward had allowed himself those few fantasies he would have realized sooner what this really was between them. Harry had always been too young be- fore though, even at fourteen and fifteen the thoughts had felt inappropriate to Edward. Besides, Harry had always seen him as a brother or a best friend—or so Edward had thought.

―Yes, I can see him as a lover, but I-I don‘t know how it‘s done,‖ Edward finally answered shifting uncomfortably under his father‘s amused smile.

If Edward were human he would have been blushing ten shades of red at the mo- ment, but even though it wasn‘t showing physically he was still completely

mortified about having to admit that to his father. In all of Edward‘s hundred or so years he‘d never studied exactly how two males made love, and he didn‘t think he would like hearing it explained to him by his father who was married to his moth- er.

Carlisle chuckled softly at his son‘s expense, but decided to save Edward from fur- ther embarrassment. ―I will see if I can find something at the hospital for you to look at. I‘m sure we have a pamphlet or book somewhere on sex education that explains the dynamics of both gay and straight intercourse, or perhaps…‖ Carlisle trailed off looking at his own extensive collection of books.

They went from floor to ceiling and covered three of the four walls completely, and all of them were well worn and used. After a moment of scanning the titles Carlisle stood to his feet and walked to the far corner and retrieved a dusty book from the shelf that looked fairly new despite the dust. It was a bit worn, but not nearly as much as the others.

―Ah, here you go. This is the book I found for Harry. It should explain everything to you and if you have any questions you can come to me, Edward. I am a doctor after all, it‘s my job to know these kinds of things, and I promise to be completely professional about it,‖ Carlisle said handing Edward the slim book as his eyes con- tinued to dance with barely contained laughter.

Edward swallowed down his embarrassment and stiffly took the book from his fa- ther. Did all teens feel this way when their parents brought out the sex talk, which luckily Edward would not be getting to the extent of most normal teens. Edward vaguely remembered having it when he was human, but not clearly, and after see- ing some of Emmett‘s movies, he pretty much knew how it worked between a male and a female.

Edward remembered however, Harry coming down the stairs at the tender age of thirteen, looking paler than Edward had ever seen him, clutching what looked like a book underneath his shirt, and racing to his room without speaking to anyone. He also remembered his father coming down the stairs and sharing an amused chuckle with Esme.

Edward hadn‘t understood what had happened then, and Harry had adamantly refused to tell him anything that had been said in Carlisle‘s office that morning. Edward had even tried to spot the book lying around in Harry‘s room somewhere, but had never seen it out or Harry looking at it in the open. Harry would blush the cutest shade of pink anytime Edward asked, but now Edward understood perfectly why his brother had looked flushed and traumatized for a few days afterwards. Taking pity on his son and wanting to push through the awkward moment himself Carlisle decided to get back to the serious matter at hand. ―I think it‘s best if we wait to tell Harry that we know—‖

―But we can‘t wait!‖ Edward protested immediately, as Carlisle knew he would. ―He‘s getting sicker every day, there isn‘t any time to wait.‖

―And are you ready, Edward?‖ Carlisle asked sharply. ―Are you ready to go down there right now and confess your love for him.‖

―Yes!‖ Edward exclaimed standing to his feet. ―Yes, if that is what it takes to save him then yes. I‘ll do anything.‖

―Edward sit,‖ Carlisle commanded softly, grabbing Edward‘s wrist and pulling him back to his seat before he could run off and do just that. ―You are not as ready as you may think and neither is Harry ready to accept you if you did.‖

―What do you mean?‖ Edward asked retaking his seat, but he was still tense, as if ready to spring into action at a moment‘s notice.

―Edward, think—why hasn‘t Harry told you yet?‖ Carlisle asked. ―Because I was with Bella—‖

―No,‖ Carlisle interrupted with a shake of his head. ―That is precisely the reason why I had all but ruled you out. It wasn‘t until recently that I realized that perhaps I too had been wrong in my idea of why Harry refused to tell. It thought that it was Jasper or Emmett and that Harry wasn‘t saying anything because of Rosalie and Alice, but I was wrong. I forgot to consider Harry‘s past relationships.‖

Edward‘s eyes seemed to widen in realization.

―All his life Harry‘s been abandoned, his parents, his aunt and uncle, his godfa- ther, the countless families at the orphanage, the kids at the orphanage and at Hogwarts… Harry‘s known rejection his whole life. Do you remember how long it took for him to settle here, to realize that we weren‘t going to give up on him?‖ Carlisle asked, and Edward nodded silently. ―You have to prove to Harry that you

want him, that you aren‘t going to give him up. Telling Harry you love him does nothing, you‘re going to have to show him that you love him.‖

―But there‘s no time for that—‖ Edward began, but again Carlisle cut him off by grabbing one of the books off his desk and flipping through it.

―Not necessarily, it says here that if you accept your half of the bond it should give Harry more time. It won‘t last, but it should at least give you longer to think and figure out what you‘re going to do. I know you love him, and I know you‘re willing to do this tonight if he asked you, but Edward this is for life—you need to be one hundred percent certain that you can do this,‖ Carlisle stated glancing pointedly down at the book in Edward‘s hands.

Edward looked down at the rather innocent looking book as well, and knew that Carlisle was right. No matter how much he wanted to see Harry better, he couldn‘t just jump into this. There was a lot to consider and a lot he needed to understand. Edward needed to think things through, and he needed to be one hundred percent positive, otherwise he would just end up hurting the both of them even more.

( )

The things I do, What I go through,

And all I say, When I‟m awake, And what I make, The shit I take, Is something you Already, already know

I can't live without, All I think about, All I want is you, You're all I dream about,

I can't live without, All I want is you,

Is you.

Edward and Carlisle made their way down the stairs half an hour later, following the smell of Esme cooking, and Edward couldn‘t help but pause at the sight of Harry sleeping on the sofa.

―He seems to be doing better,‖ Alice commented, leaning over Harry and moving a bit of hair out of his face. More of his color did seem to be coming back, and his breathing, which had sounded almost painful before, now seemed even and slow. Edward stepped forward, with Carlisle trailing cautiously behind, as he studied Harry intently. This was his mate, the person he was going to protect and cherish

and spend the rest of forever loving. ―Wow.‖ He breathed feeling the weight that just the thought carried.

―Carlisle, what‘s going on?‖ Esme asked walking into the living room and staring at Edward curiously.

―It‘s Edward,‖ Carlisle answered, knowing that it was best to go ahead and tell them, to give Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie that peace of mind.

―Finally!‖ Draco exclaimed from the kitchen table, where he had been eating silent- ly with Jacob. ―It‘s about bloody time! I thought I was going to go insane trying to tell you what was right in fucking front of you!‖

―We aren‘t going to tell Harry yet,‖ Carlisle added, and was surprised when Draco agreed. He thought more than anyone that it would be he who protested to wait- ing. ―You know how hard it is for Harry to accept people and relationships. We‘re going to have to show Harry that Edward wants to be with him, not that he‘s forc- ing Edward to.‖

―Wait, so you do want to be with Harry?‖ Rosalie asked, and it wasn‘t hostile or mocking, she actually seemed happy.

―Yes, I want him,‖ Edward answered, trying to add as much sincerity in his voice as he could.

―You love him,‖ Jasper whispered, and it wasn‘t a question. ―You‘re really in love with him.‖

Jasper had always felt that Edward‘s love for Harry was deep, deeper than his love for the rest of them, but now that Edward had acknowledged it, it just seemed to expand and fill him like his emotions for Bella had never done before—had never even come close to before. This was the kind of love that Jasper and Alice shared, the kind Emmett and Rosalie shared. In fact, it felt like it surpassed that of even Carlisle and Esme who‘d been together for over eighty years.

―So what‘s your plan?‖ Alice asked, looking between her love-struck brother and her relieved father. This was the first time in a long time that she had seen Carlisle look so stress free.

―To get him better first,‖ Edward answered, never taking his eyes off of Harry. It