Sesión 6: Un día como juez

There are other approach details you’ll need to know besides speaking. The first is positioning. She could be alone, with friends, in a circle, in a semi-circle, facing outward, sitting on a bar stool, sitting at a table, or dancing. The perfect setup for you will be a girl standing alone next to the bar facing outward, smiling as you come into view.

That said, the perfect setup never happens.

You’ll always have to do some maneuvering to place yourself in a position to approach and talk to her. The typical scenario you’ll face is when your target is talking to one or two girlfriends. If she’s just with one other friend, you’ll have to address them both until someone else comes into the picture. Don’t let a single guy in a group of girls stop you from approaching, because chances are he’s trying to bang one of the girls and would welcome another male to distract her friends. Just use your usual opener and include him in the conversation so he doesn’t get insecure and try to blow you off. If you treat the guy with respect, there’s a good chance that he’ll treat you with respect as well

—or even assist you.

In groups with guys, ask how everyone knows each other. If she happens to say something like, “And my boyfriend is over there,” then you may either want to move on to her friend or politely leave the group. Even if the group is all girls, go ahead and ask, because they may tell you something about their background that you can use later, like a shared school or city.

Approaching a girl sitting down is tougher. Other than the walk of shame you have to perform if you fail, the fact that you’re standing while she’s sitting down and relaxed gives her more power than you.

Regardless, deliver your standard opener as you normally would. If the interaction continues and she’s giving you positive signals by asking questions, do a “false time constraint,” one of the oldest tricks in the book. Pull up a chair, sit down, and say, “I can only sit down for a minute.” Then continue the conversation like nothing happened. It will be clear if she didn’t want you to sit down because she’ll close up and stop talking to you. No big deal. Just say goodbye, smile, and walk away. Under no circumstance do you ask if you can sit down. Sitting down is important because approaches in which you’re standing and she’s not have a lifespan of less than five minutes.

Once you start talking to her, avoid common mistakes like too much smiling when nothing funny was said, too much bending over when it’s not loud in the room, and too many fast movements due to being nervous and excited. These signs indicate to a girl that the guy probably doesn’t have a lot of experience and is overly happy to be talking to her. If you find yourself using these behaviors, slow things down and lean back. Not only does this act as a way to dissociate yourself from the interaction, but it displays the correct “I don’t care”

body language. (Humans tend to lean toward a person who is pulling away from them, whether it be with body language or emotions.)

There will be a lot of situations where no textbook answer will be available to guide you. For instance, what if you’re going upstairs and you see a really cute girl coming downstairs? Do you get in her way or do you make a U-turn and start stalking her? (I get in her way and playfully accuse her of going down the wrong side of the stairs.) How about if you approach a group of girls and the one you don’t like is chatting you up the most? Do you continue talking with her in the

hopes of incorporating yourself into the group or do you gently reject her and move on to your target? (I talk to her for no more than a minute until I ask the girl I prefer a question that starts a new conversation.)

The best way to deal with the hundreds of possible situations that occur in a pick-up is to do something and then take note of the result.

If the result wasn’t favorable, try something different next time. This willingness to experiment will quickly get you up to speed with the situations that happen most frequently.

It’s through experimentation that you’ll discover a style of game that works best for you. One night I tried to do a little experiment with one-word openers in a large club. I stuck with a simple “hey” or “hi”

and tried only those for the entire night. For a reason that’s still not clear to me, I learned that “hey” did a much better job than “hi” at stopping girls and getting their attention. I run a different experiment almost every time I go out, just to see what happens and to discover the style that works best for me. It’s possible that you’re so different from me that “hi” will actually work better than “hey,” but there’s no way to find out unless you try them both. The only time I keep experimentation to a minimum is when it counts—when I’m gaming a girl that I consider above the rest. Then it’s best to use the game I already know works.

If you see a girl you like and think about approaching her, you must do it, no matter how difficult or unnatural the situation may appear, even if you feel nervous and know you’re going to bomb. I often find myself in a coffee shop where there is a tough approach at the table next to me. Even if I’m not in the mood and think the odds of a successful approach are zero, I still make myself do it. Not only does this eliminate the fear of approaching over time, but it also teaches you how to deal with tough situations.

It won’t be common that a girl you like is going to be standing alone in a place without distraction where everyone knows your name.

She’s going to be surrounded by factors that will make it difficult for you, and the sooner you harden your mind to deal with these situations, the faster you’ll get better at handling them.

Before I talk about how to build attraction after the opener, let’s take a detour and discuss what attitude, or vibe, girls find most attractive.