Ben works as a mental health support worker within an acute inpatient unit of a district heath board (DHB). At times he has a tendency to walk within the Shadow. He does this by applying negative words when describing himself, e.g. he defines himself as a retired social worker and a failed teacher. It is during these pieces of his story that Ben moves in and out of the Shadow. In applying Verma’s (2012) interpretation of the Shadow, i.e. seeking to find the ‘diamond in the coalmine’, Ben struggles to give attention to the transformational nature of his experiences that would allow him to describe his ‘diamonds’. The reasons for his struggle were not fully articulated; however, during the interview, it was evident that Ben does glimpse the sparkle of his ‘diamonds’, although he does not recognise them in a transformational way.
Just doing my job, doing what I am paid to do on an official level, making beds, cleaning up messes, providing some sort of emotional or intellectual support where it is appropriate. Hauling inexperienced nurse’s nut’s out of the fire when they get into trouble.
Ben suggests that he undertakes a very task orientated role because he believes that he and others have defined this as his role. He begins to discover the ‘diamonds’ when he suggests that he is able to offer more than tasks. He describes how he supports his less-experienced nursing colleagues by using his own experience. Ben struggles to describe peak experiences and does not acknowledge that he has made a difference. However, the non- task-related acts that he undertakes do connect him with his less experienced colleagues in a positive way. Ben then reflects on some of the reasons that he continues in his role; he identifies that it is the hours and the pay that are the main motivators. The Shadow then shifts slightly and reveals that he actually derives a sense of enjoyment and connectedness
when he encounters mental health consumers in his neighbourhood; he enjoys the interactions he has with consumers outside of his work environment. This leads Ben to recognise that he has a world that operates outside of his employment; however, he struggles with the fact that it is that very employment that provides him with the lifestyle he enjoys.
The hours and money suit my lifestyle. I live in a suburb where there are huge amount of ex-patients walking around and quite often I can barely walk into [suburbs name withheld] without somebody coming up and tapping me on the shoulder and wanting to have a chinwag or $2.00 or a smoke or a can of beer or something, and by in large I enjoy that.
Ben describes the tensions of being valued by colleagues.
With some clinicians and I also include registered clinicians, your input is highly valued and sought after. Others they wouldn’t even know who you were and wouldn’t want to know who you were and certainly wouldn’t be interested in anything you have to say. And given the clinical staff turnover by in large every six months, with the rare exception, you can be flavour of the month one minute and a speck of dirt on the floor the next. It really depends on the mix. Because I have been around a lot longer than most and the reality is I have been around a lot longer than most of the nursing staff, your opinion has a certain amount of validity, a certain amount of weight given the individual circumstances, any different particular scenario, but then again given the highly transient nature of nursing staff, we are having a big clear out at the moment and I think four or five of our most senior nursing staff are flying the coup. They will be replaced by RN1s [Level 1 Registered Nurses] and I would anticipate the next six months my gravitas will be diminished accordingly. That is just based on the last 12 years’ experience. I could be wrong, the RN1s haven’t arrived yet, but we will wait and see in January.
On the rare occasion we have had one psychiatrist who must have been on the ward seven or eight years, I knew him well, I socialised with him along with everybody else, he knew who I was, he knew my name, he knew my children’s names and if we were in an interview before, during or after, he would ask my opinion. He would say “well you sat through that, what do you think?” Or “this is our plan, what do you think?” Or “I’m not feeling very comfortable will you come into the room with me or into the interview room with me, because you know this patient really well”. I mean I was quite lucky with Steven [non-deplume] because he was there for a long time, but he has gone now. We have got other people
who have just come in, nice people, clearly very clinically competent, but they don’t know who you are, they sort of understand you are not a nurse, but because I am big and ugly they go “you’re security – walk this way with me”. It takes quite a while for them to actually work out, “oh this person might have a brain”.
Ben suggests that there are many preconceptions about him and his role. These add to what Ben articulated as the lack of clarity and understanding of his role, which result in his role being frequently misinterpreted and defined by others. He suggests that some of the lack of clarity is related to high staff turnover, i.e. a “highly transient” workforce, resulting in him being one of the constant staff members on the ward. That leaves him feeling not understood as the role and the breadth and functions of his expertise are not recognised. His specific competency based on long experience within the role is not well defined or understood. Ben acknowledges that when the value of his experience is understood, then he is given recognition. When staff understand his role by way of working with him, they also understand that he has the capability to contribute to the total care of the consumer. He notes that when new staff members come onto the ward, he is required to prove his worth, as the ambiguity of his role title does little in determining the worth of the position. He measures his 12 years of experience against the experience of a new graduate nurse. The arrival of such new graduates brings Ben a sense of responsibility the need to ensure that they do not get themselves into trouble. He sees himself as protecting them although he is not acknowledged for this. Ben sees his worth ebbs and flows and is dependent on his establishing relationships with new colleagues. He would like to see consistent recognition of his worth and the work he undertakes, rather than having to continually justify his capabilities.
Ketola (2008) suggests that “the Shadow necessarily remains partially unconscious and carries out commando attacks from its secret hiding place” (p. 202). Ben’s commando attacks manifest themselves as his having to justify who he is and what his role contributes to the health sector. This lack of recognition can manifest itself in many ways. Instead of acknowledging and acting on this undervaluing, people can often be labelled as disaffected, rigid or suffering burnout. Ben articulates that he enjoys his work and the interactions he has with past and present consumers, both in and out of the workplace. He implies that the relationship that he has with consumers is positive and recognised, but that this same
recognition is not afforded to him by his colleagues. Perhaps it is with consumers that he can more easily simply be himself and, in doing this, feel valued.