The theme of old and alone explained the emotions of the Asian American transfer students who transferred and feel out of place; they feel old and alone. Particularly, in comparison to their community college experience, a transfer student can feel out of place. These participants highlighted the emotions and experiences that occur after they transferred.
I’m So Old
For Ted, he successfully transferred to a 4-year institution. He decided to live in the residence hall. However, he quickly realized how different he was from other students.
I don’t think there’s anyone that’s a transfer (student) like me. I always feel like, (others say) “Transfer student. What year are you?” “What do you mean? I guess I would be a first-year of Iowa State, two years in a community
college.” “You’re old man.” “Okay, thanks. It’s cool.” I’m old!
Living in a residence hall, other students discovered that Ted was a transfer student and they called him old. In reality, he was only two years older. He is a traditional age college student. However, the two years made him feel much older. He was the same age as other third year students, but his living situation and his social group included first year native students. The feeling never goes away because this interaction happened frequently. He had to explain his educational journey to everyone, because his peers did not know what the phrase transfer
student represented. Due to the lack of awareness, he suffered the consequences of feeling old.
Rachael identified the same sentiments, but in a classroom setting. Even though she spoke about being an upper classmen but she must fulfill the first year student requirements.
I still have the whole freshman classes… you have to graduate with
something like library (course requirement), like the freshman stuff and that whole pre-requisites versus other things too. I'm still taking … I guess there's something like two classes that freshmen usually take, because I'm in a whole class of freshmen. It's so annoying. They’re talking about stuff and I'm like “Oh, my gosh.” I don’t know anything, going out and party and stuff and whatever. I'm doing well. (shrug)
She has taken the library resource course that is an institutional requirement and many first year students fulfill it in their first semester. When she has a course with mostly first year students, she has very little interest in socializing with them. She perceived them as mostly discussing their social plans and being very different than her. Rachael transferred to graduate and start a career. Although the age difference may not be great, her focus has shifted. Rachael has moved on but her peers are at an earlier stage of development.
Additionally, John discussed how he wanted to move on with his life, and not be “the older student” amongst the traditional age students.
I just want to finish school and … I feel old … light years away. I just turned 23 last week and compared to 18 year old freshman I feel super old
compared to them. I don’t want to be, I know there are people who have been here since (they graduated from high school) and they graduated when they were 26 but dude, I don’t want to be that guy. I really don’t. I’ve gotten into some bad stuff but I have seen the college life for most of what it’s worth. I’m really technically ready to move on.
John, who is 23 and will likely graduate college when he is 24 or 25, is worried that he will not graduate until he is 26 or even older. He shared how he has been in college since he was 18. He went to two institutions before he reverse transferred to a community college and then he vertically transferred to his current institution. He has had multiple college experiences and some of them were not positive. Not surprisingly, he no longer wanted to be in college. By the time he finishes, he would have been in college for seven or more years. Compared to a
native student who is a first year student, his perspectives and life experiences are very different. He has not expressed any of these feelings to his peers. He knows that he cannot, because he understands that they would not know how to respond. Not surprisingly, these experiences would lead to a sense of being alone.
I’m So Lonely
John had explained how he felt old, and he also identified a sense of loneliness. He wanted to make friends and he had expected to have a more positive experience at his current four year institution.
Lonely. But it's not a feeling I haven't felt before. You know, I mean like, loneliness isn't a thing that anybody wants to be alone. But, it happens. You can't make everyone here your friend… So, I'm just like, whatever. I was hoping that by being a leader of Asian American student organization, I would be able to like, bring that activism here. But ugh, it's, after the first meeting, it was a great turn out. But like, it's still not where it needs. And, I'm just sorta like, why am I wasting my neck for these people who don't give a crap about anything.
John thought that he would make friends. He thought that being part of an Asian American student organization, he would bring activism to the four year
institution as well as have a community around him. However, that was not the case. Rather, he learned that he was the only person interested in activism. His peers were not supportive of him, and he identified the fact that he was the new transfer as the reason they may have been less enthusiastic about helping the student
organization. He thought being part of a student organization would provide a
community, but that was not the case. He felt lonely. He wondered why he continued to put time and energy into this student group and trying to befriend his peers.
Ted mentioned his academic experiences and how he has lost his special connection to peers and faculty members and therefore he has lost part of his identity.
I’m not smart like them (native students) anymore. They have people … I went in there … I didn’t know I could use the notes for the quizzes, so I’ve been doing bad on them until that I learned how to print out the notes,
everything like that. But I think it might be a little too late to get a good grade on it, though… I feel like I’m the bottom of the barrel.
In comparison to his community college experiences, being at the four year institution was hard for Ted. He did not know all the rules. He did not know he could bring notes into class for the quiz. He has felt lonely through the academic
experiences. He compared himself to native students. He expressed how native students have more resources, more people who may know how to be a college student. Native students may have more connections. This may or may not be true. However, he went from being one of the best and brightest to feeling like he was inferior to everyone around him. He recognized that he no longer has resources like he had at the community college. He has not made those connections. He realized that some people have it easier than him, not due to effort. In the next theme, class matters, the larger issue of socioeconomic status will be explored and that theme explains and connects to the previous themes.