The following chapters, four, five, six and seven, present the key findings from the study and these four chapters address each of the four broad research questions outlined on page 35. This particular chapter addresses research question one: What are the intergenerational lived experiences and perspectives on ageing of older and younger participants? As explained in chapter three, Braun and Clarke’s six-phase approach to thematic analysis and the theoretical frameworks underpinning this study, were used to work through the raw data and produce the key findings. Participants appeared to be open, frank and honest in their conversations about the other person in the research pair and I found this somewhat surprising as I thought they would be more guarded. I would credit this in part to the relaxed and engaging approach that is privileged in narrative interviewing. The findings and discussion, which follow in chapter eight, are also filtered through the theoretical lenses underpinning the study. For instance, the language and particular ways that participant pairs spoke about their intergenerational journey through ageing can be considered by postmodernism, social constructionism, narrative and Foucauldian ideas. The findings are collated under four broad areas that emerged from the study, and each of these is presented as a chapter. They are:
Chapter 4 Findings: Ageing and Intergenerational Relationships Chapter 5 Findings: Intergenerational Planning for Ageing Chapter 6 Findings: Lived Experiences of Ageing in Australia Chapter 7 Findings: Diverse and Positive Narratives on Ageing
Before presenting the findings, the following section introduces the research participants and relevant demographic information.
Introduction to Participants and Demographical Information
As already noted, the method used to collect data for this study was in-depth narrative interviews. Research participants were provided with interview guides that highlighted topic areas that would hopefully provide a springboard to discuss what they felt was important to them. At the beginning of each interview it was made clear that I was mostly interested in what was important to them, rather than pursuing my own research interest. In keeping with narrative interviewing and giving voice to participants; participants were given plenty of
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latitude in their responses to topics I used to open conversations. Older participants often took many detours in telling their stories, whereas younger participants tended to be more succinct and took quite direct routes in conveying messages they wished to make.
Table 4.1
Participant’s Demographical Information (see Appendix 6)
Participant Pair names
Age Gender Retirement
Age
Relationship Living Arrangement
Venice Larry 80 18 F M 61 Student Grandmother Grandson
Venice lives alone in own home in Queensland, Larry close by Jean Rosie 79 ? F F 72 Working Ex-same sex partners
Jean lives alone in own home in Sydney, Rosie lives in neighbouring country to Australia Margaret Mary 97 76 F F 93 61 Mum Daughter
Margaret lives in own home in Sydney, Mary is 2 hours away Rob Flano 87 22 M M 65 Student Grandfather Grandson
Rob lives in own home in Sydney, Flano, siblings and mother moved in with him Maggie Maria 93 70 F F 85 68 Mother Daughter
Both live alone in same block in public housing in Sydney Betty Sonja 74 45 F F 70 Working Mother Daughter
Betty lives with husband in own home in Sydney, Sonja bought the house next door Lavie Noah 97 ? F M Undisclosed Working Mother Son
Lavie lives in Sydney RACF, Noah lives in the Middle East Erin Paddy 87 ? F M 50s Retired Mother Son
Erin lives alone in own home in Sydney, Paddy bought a house a few doors away
Brigid Dotti 91 63 F F Undisclosed 62 Mother Daughter
Brigid lives in RACF in Sydney, Dotti lives 2 hours’ drive away
Jacky Della 82 ? F F 60 Carer pension Mother Daughter
Jacky lives in own home in Sydney with husband who has dementia, Della moved in from US Kane Kitty 83 59 M F 62 Working Father Daughter
Kane lives with wife in own home in Sydney, Kitty lives interstate and plans to move in with parents if need arises.
Grant Harrison 86 34 M M 60s Dis. Pension Gay Friends
Harrison moved in to support Grant in Sydney public housing Bob Ronan 78 ? M M 70, now Volunteer Father Son
Bob lives with wife in own home in Sydney, Ronan lives in Sydney
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As pointed out earlier, the topic areas provided in interview guides to participants included their experiences of growing older in Australia and interactions with the younger person in their life in relation to ageing; how they thought older people are represented and talked about in Australia and how this fits with their own lived experiences; planning for ageing and any involvement of the younger person in this process; expectations between older and younger participants in relation to growing old; costs associated with ageing; and strengths that participants draw on and what might enhance the experience of ageing. Importantly the findings, analysis and discussion pay attention to links, or lack of links, between what older and younger people have to say. The data findings are categorised and presented in relation to dominant themes and sub-themes and these are explicitly linked to the research questions. Table 4.1, provides a snapshot of home ownership and the different approaches participants took to planning for ageing.
Participants
At the time of our interview, Venice, an 80-year-old retired nurse was living alone in her own house in Queensland. Her daughter and family lived close by. Venice was very close to her teenage grandson Larry (18) and nominated him as her younger significant person. I interviewed Venice and Larry on Skype.
Jean, a retired 70-year-old teacher who was single, lived alone in her own house in the inner ring of Sydney. Jean did not have any children or living family. She nominated her ex-same sex partner Rosie as her significant younger person. Rosie now lived in a neighbouring country to Australia with her male partner and did not have any children. I interviewed Jean in her own home and interviewed Rosie on Skype.
Margaret, a retired 97-year-old music teacher lived alone in her own house. I interviewed her in a private hospital where she was a patient at the time of our interview. Margaret was quite frail. She had a daughter Mary (76) who lived 2 hours outside Sydney and Margaret nominated her for the interview. Margaret also had a son. Mary, the daughter, was married with an adult son. I interviewed Mary in Margaret’s home. Margaret died 5 months after our interview.
Rob, a retired 87-year-old mechanic, lived in his own house and his wife was in a nursing home. Rob had several adult children. One of his daughters and her children moved in to live
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with him but he nominated his grandson Flano (22) as his significant younger person to be interviewed. I interviewed both participants in Rob’s home.
Maggie, 93, lived in a public housing unit and her last living adult child, her daughter Maria (70), who was single, lived in the same public housing block. I interviewed Maggie and Maria in their respective homes.
Betty, a retired 74-year-old nurse lived in her own house with her husband, as well as her son who had chronic mental health issues. She had 2 adult surviving children (another son died in a car accident) and her daughter Sonja lived in a house next door with her husband and children. I interviewed Betty and Sonja in Betty’s home.
Lavie, a 97-year-old holocaust survivor and widow, lived in a nursing home. Her only son Noah lived with his family in the Middle East. I interviewed Lavie in her nursing home and Noah on Skype. Lavie died 5 months after our interview.
Erin, an 87-year-old widow, lived alone in her own house in the inner ring of Sydney. She had 2 sons – I interviewed her son Paddy who lived close by. Paddy was single and middle aged. The other son lived on the South Coast of NSW. I interviewed Erin in her own home and interviewed Paddy in a local café.
Brigid, a 91-year-old widow lived in a low level residential aged care facility (RACF). She had several adult children and grandchildren and nominated her daughter Dotti (63) as her significant younger person. I interviewed Brigid and Dotti in a private interview room at the RACF.
Jacky, aged 82, lived in her own house with her husband who had dementia and with her daughter Della who returned from North America to care for both of them. Jacky also had a son in a nursing home. I interviewed Jacky and Della in the backyard of Jacky’s home. Kane, an 83-year-old retired civil servant lived in his own home with his wife. He had several adult children and nominated his daughter Kitty (59) as his significant younger person. Kitty lived interstate and visited regularly. I interviewed Kane and Kitty in Kane’s home. Kane died 2 months after our interview.
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Grant, an 86-year-old gay man, lived in a public housing unit with his close younger male friend Harrison (34) in the inner city of Sydney. I interviewed Grant at his home and Harrison at a local café.
Bob, 78 was retired but busy with volunteering work at a major public hospital and hospice. He lived in his own house with his wife. His adult daughter lived in Asia with her family and his son Ronan (38) lived in Sydney. I interviewed Bob at the hospital/hospice where he volunteered and interviewed Ronan on the phone.
Chapters four to seven present the findings from the study and these findings are followed up with a discussion chapter that brings together broader themes and concepts arising from the findings.
Introduction to Findings
This chapter presents five key areas of data findings that emerged in relation to intergenerational relationships and ageing and as noted earlier, the findings address research question one. The findings presented in this chapter include the ways in which participants spoke about ageing from an intergenerational perspective, stories about what underpins their intergenerational relationships, the exchanges that occur within intergenerational pairs, perspectives or windows into ageing and caring experiences.
Discourses of Intergenerational Relations
An observation that came through strongly in the findings was the particular language and ways that participants used to describe being on a shared journey through ageing.
Rosie, who was both a close friend and ex-same sex partner of Jean, viewed the shared journey as a privilege:
I don’t think any of it [ageing] is straightforward. I don’t think it’s anywhere near as straightforward as Jean thinks but I guess it takes the love and respect of an individual to be willing to walk that journey with them and potentially experience a huge range of feelings that aren’t just all about a remote loss, that you didn’t have anything to do with. I think a lot of honour is at stake. (Rosie)
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Grant a gay man in his mid to late 80s, who lived in public housing with a close and long- time loyal gay younger friend Harrison, saw ageing as a shared journey that requires compromise:
Don’t expect everything, but still work out ways to journey in life to get what you want, that means the other person can find ways to get what they want, and I get the chance to get what I want, and that’s a living skill that works... too many people are demanding what they want only. And really when they get to 60 or 70 it doesn’t work. Yeah, you got to compromise and make sure that you are both getting what you want. (Grant)
Maggie, in her 90s lived in a public housing unit and her daughter Maria lived in a downstairs unit in the same block. Maggie used a train metaphor to explain their shared journey and the dilemma of disembarking the train (dying) and leaving her daughter behind:
I'd rather catch an earlier train than Maria, I don’t know how I'd live without her... That's the only wish I got in life really, a big wish, I go on an earlier train, yeah, then I think she’d be on her own, see, I've contradicted myself again... I don’t want to catch an earlier train and leave Maria behind, and if Maria caught it, I don’t know, see she couldn’t have children. (Maggie)
Dotti, the daughter of Brigid who was living in a residential aged care facility, describes her whole family being on a journey with her mum throughout her whole life course:
She had significant health issues all through her life, she had polio as a child, she umm, mum would not have been someone who expected to live and with a high quality of life as she has, for as long as she has, so all of us feel that it’s been a journey that we didn’t expect to be on with mum... I find the whole thing amazing, but she's; it’s been an incredible journey, but we didn’t think we'd get this far, It’s been a journey that’s been amazing to watch. (Dotti)
In addition, Dotti had been closely involved with her dad's ageing issues and eventual death 2 years earlier, and more recently was very involved with her ageing in-laws:
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We have a father in-law, who we’ve only, who’s only just moved into an aged care facility as well, we sold his house on the weekend, and that happened all of a sudden, and he also is in a, is very strong and he's 92. My dad died when he was 94, only 2 years ago, so we’ve actually been very involved with the ageing process. (Dotti)
Although Della previously had been living in North America, far away from her ageing parents, she was very much with them through their ageing years, despite the distance. Other overseas younger participants told similar stories.
Yeah. I could have stayed in the US, but like I said there was nobody else. And I called them every Friday night just to check up and it was getting to the stage where I would feel nauseous before I would make that phone call because it was like, what state will they be in, has somebody fallen down the stairs again, has mum got pneumonia again, that was part of the reason that made me come home, I hated being so far away, it’s not like I could just hop on a bus, or train or even an hour’s flight you know I was a long way away and you know, I couldn’t just whip over there for the weekend to see them through. (Della)
The stories in this section illustrate a strong theme in this thesis about ageing as a shared journey, even if separated by distance or even if tensions exist. It highlights that ageing for many people is not a sole journey but is very much a shared experience between the older people and the significant persons in their life, often from a younger generation.
Ingredients of intergenerational relationships
Participants’ conversations about intergenerational relationships were diverse. However there were recurrent aspects to what underpinned intergenerational relationships, notwithstanding the diversity. The following excerpts from participants’ stories best represent these aspects. Maggie, who lived in the same public housing block as her daughter Maria, admitted that her relationship with Maria wasn’t always harmonious, however underneath this was a deeply committed, loyal and loving relationship:
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Oh I tell her to shut up sometimes, and ah, but then, we don’t hold it against one another, like if Maria was standing there and she saying something that I think stupid, and she, I said listen Maria, just don’t say that, I might go like that, don’t be stupid, I’m stupid now am I? This is our argument, and then she’ll go off, next thing it’s Maria on the phone, but never saying sorry, just went on with the conversation, like, just talking about something, so we’re pretty good together. That is my only worry, that picture (pointing to a picture of Maria) I've got no other worries, none whatsoever... I love having Maria, you know, never, I don’t think, well I wouldn’t be able to go on without her, that’s what I think. (Maggie)
Maggie had asked her daughter to claim a government carer’s pension for being her carer, but such was Maria’s commitment to her mum that she declined to do this on principle:
Oh yeah, I wanted her to be my carer but she said no... I just said just be my carer. She can get paid for it... Yeah, and apart from that she said no, you don’t take those kind of things for your mother. (Maggie)
Maria’s relationship to her mum was committed and unconditional, despite the demands and frustrations of caring:
It’s going to be hard, very bloody hard, I know it will be… That's my, not my vocation, it's not my duty, it's just what I want to do for my mum, my mum would do it for, well she did, my mum would do it for me, umm and so with my brother and sister you know… Oh, she has a lot from me, yeah, she's a very demanding person, a very demanding, without, with being sweet about it, she's very controlling in her own way, a sweet, if you know what I mean, umm, a sweet way. (Maria)
Jacky, a frail lady who was living with her husband with dementia and her daughter Della, in their inner city house, described how her daughter Della was absolutely central to their lives after returning from North America to support her and her husband:
Oh, don’t know what I’d do without her, now that’s she’s moved back home, you know she’s our carer, for both of us, don’t know what I’d do without her, I think
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we’d both be in a nursing home if, had she had not been home with us, I can do little things, you know I’ve got, I couldn’t, I can’t cook a meal anymore, might do tea and toast, bowl of cereal, make a sandwich and a cup of tea. (Jacky)
Jacky and her husband who had dementia, both had high care needs and despite having support from formal services, their daughter Della's commitment to care for her parents was becoming very taxing. However Della was determined to live out her personal and family values of commitment and ‘doing the right thing’ for her parents, a sentiment expressed by several younger participants:
I sometimes think, just go back to ‘North America’ run away from it all, then I feel guilty, yeah so it’s that, doing the right thing, that’s what keeps me going, I’m doing the right thing... Yeah, because it’s the right thing to do. (Della)
Lavie, a European lady now in her late 90s, who lost her family in the holocaust, was a widow and was living in a nursing home in Sydney. Her wish was to die soon and indeed she did die 5 months after our interview. Her only son Noah was living in the Middle East. She emphasised that the biggest thing missing from her life was her only child not living in Australia; however she kept in contact weekly through Skype and had every confidence he would continue to visit and support her as needed. Despite living in the Middle East and having his own children and family commitments there, Noah remained very committed to visiting his mum twice a year:
Well the biggest hope and expectations of my parents of course was that I would come