Tipos de Banano

Imagine you are given the following instructions to remember. You don't have the time or wherewithal to write them down; besides, it's hazardous trying to read and drive at the same time.

1. Left into Western Avenue 2. Right into Cannonsgate Road 3. Third exit off the roundabout 4. T-junction: right into Station Road 5. Pass Red Lion Pub on the left 6. T-junction: left into Braintree Road 7. Straight on for four miles

8. Second set of traffic lights: turn right 9. First exit off roundabout into Warren Way 10 Sixth House on the left: Blacksmith

It's a daunting challenge, but you were meant to be at Blacksmith Cottage half an hour ago for an important supper engagement. Let me tell you how I would memorize these instructions, using a golf course as my journey.

I relate each direction or signal to an imaginary strike of a ball and its sub- sequent position. Turning left, for instance, is represented by a ghastly hook shot; turning right is a slice; straight on is a satisfying drive plumb down the middle of the fairway; a roundabout is a green; and a T-junction is the next tee. I translate names of roads, pubs and other landmarks into memorable images — exaggerated, colourful, bizarre - which are then incorporated in my round. As I said earlier, I personally imagine myself standing at the first tee at East Herts golf course.

1. Left into Western Avenue

To remember 'left', I imagine driving a wild hook off to the left-hand side of the first fairway (not unusual for me). To remember 'Western Avenue', I pic- ture a hostile, action-packed scene of cowboys and Indians engaged in mortal combat on the spot where the ball has landed.

2. Right into Cannonsgate Road

This time I imagine slicing the ball way over to the right-hand side. It's going to be a tricky one to play: the ball has disappeared straight down the shaft of an old cannon that is leaning on a gate.

3. Third exit off the roundabout

Roundabouts are always represented by greens, and I remember the exit by the number of putts it takes to sink the ball. My putting has always let me down and today is no exception: I three putt at the first. Alternatively, I could

imagine myself standing handcuffed to the flag. Handcuffs are the number shape for 3.

4. T-junction: right into Station Road

The T-junction automatically takes me to the next tee, where I promptly slice the ball again to the right. Unlike most slices, however, the ball doesn't disap- pear into thick undergrowth. I imagine it landing on a station platform and bouncing mercilessly through the crowd, scattering terrified commuters in all directions.

5. Pass Red Lion Pub on the left

My next shot lands in a nasty bunker to the left of the green. As I approach, I see a ferocious red lion guarding the ball. He is prowling round and round it, looking distinctly menacing. I think I'll concede the hole.

6. T-junction left: into Braintree Road

At the next tee, it's another hook, I am afraid. The ball skews off to the left of the fairway by a tree — a very thoughtful tree, as it happens. Looking up, I am amazed to see a large brain wedged between two of its branches. The Tree of Knowledge, no less. This will make a fine story back at the clubhouse (zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...)

7. Straight on for four miles

At last! My game is coming together. I hit the ball straight down the middle of the fairway with my four iron. (Once again, I could also incorporate a num- bers-shape, in this case a yacht, to remember four miles.)

8. Second set of traffic lights: turn right

My next shot lands in the rough on the right. Ahead of me, I imagine a large traffic light, rising out of a inconveniently positioned lake. A swan is swimming round the pole, as if protecting it. A swan is the number-shape for 2. 9. First exit off roundabout into Warren Way

My green play is improving: I single putt the next shot. But it's not only the length of the putt that is impressive. The green is crowded with rabbits from a nearby warren. Alternatively, I imagine that the flag has turned into a telegraph pole (the number-shape for 1) to remind me that it's the first exit. Not

surprisingly, I prefer to putt at roundabouts when it's the first exit. 10. Sixth house on the left: Blacksmith Cottage

Finally, I hit a six iron off to the left of the next fairway, and watch, in disbe- lief, as it lands in the furnace of a blacksmith who has set up shop on the course. Alternatively, I picture an elephant (number-shape for 6) being fitted with a shoe by a blacksmith.

They may be surreal, crazy images, but I bet I arrive at the supper engagement before you do.

10

LEARNING THE