Economía Argentina

Exercise 3: Healing the compensation

Healing the compensation is inseparably connected Healing the compensation is inseparably connected with self-love. Naturally, we want to love ourselves even with self-love. Naturally, we want to love ourselves even though we might be the world’s most compulsive com- though we might be the world’s most compulsive com- pensation shopper. For I am convinced: Those who love pensation shopper. For I am convinced: Those who love themselves with their weaknesses, no matter how grave, themselves with their weaknesses, no matter how grave, have the power to transform them into strengths!

have the power to transform them into strengths!

So let’s go. In this exercise, we shall look at the com- So let’s go. In this exercise, we shall look at the com- pensation part with a magnifying glass. Suppose we be- pensation part with a magnifying glass. Suppose we be- long to those who more or less shop to find surrogate long to those who more or less shop to find surrogate satisfaction, wouldn’t it be interesting to find out exactly satisfaction, wouldn’t it be interesting to find out exactly what it is a substitute for - and how to achieve satisfac- what it is a substitute for - and how to achieve satisfac- tion of the original wish instead!?

tion of the original wish instead!?

Go and do a home inspection, listing all unnecessary Go and do a home inspection, listing all unnecessary items there. Note everything you bought without con- items there. Note everything you bought without con- scious awareness, driven by subconscious compulsive scious awareness, driven by subconscious compulsive urges.

urges. Remember to include the Remember to include the shoe racshoe rack and k and ward-ward- robe, and also tiny things. How about your CD collec- robe, and also tiny things. How about your CD collec- tion? Books, computer, videos, which items don’t you tion? Books, computer, videos, which items don’t you really need, don’t use at all and on closer look, don’t really need, don’t use at all and on closer look, don’t even really want anymore? Remember to include larger even really want anymore? Remember to include larger items as well: paintings, furniture, vehicles, yachts, items as well: paintings, furniture, vehicles, yachts, vacation homes. Jot it all down on the list.

vacation homes. Jot it all down on the list.

Stop at each item (or a photo or symbol in case of un- Stop at each item (or a photo or symbol in case of un- necessar

necessary trips or y trips or services) and tune in to services) and tune in to the FEELINGthe FEELING this purchase gave you!

this purchase gave you!  At the end of the day

 At the end of the day, every one of us is after one thing, every one of us is after one thing only: to feel happy. And for that we may love ourselves, only: to feel happy. And for that we may love ourselves, even though we took the long way around via compen- even though we took the long way around via compen- sation shopping, which we now know didn’t bring us the sation shopping, which we now know didn’t bring us the happiness we longed for. Never mind. Don’t be misled. happiness we longed for. Never mind. Don’t be misled. Stop at the item and observe the

Stop at the item and observe the feeling you experiencedfeeling you experienced when you bought it. And love yourself REGARDLESS of  when you bought it. And love yourself REGARDLESS of  how silly your discoveries may seem

how silly your discoveries may seem to you.to you.

 And please,

 And please, don’t ever think of don’t ever think of youryourself as self as an outsideran outsider because of some strange feelings. No way. We have long because of some strange feelings. No way. We have long realised that it is the same for most of us, even though realised that it is the same for most of us, even though none dare admit it!

none dare admit it!

I freely confess that my own list went on page after I freely confess that my own list went on page after page and finally I did really great when, in spite of it all, page and finally I did really great when, in spite of it all, I loved myself for these feelings. I felt like now I was I loved myself for these feelings. I felt like now I was ready to let go a large chunk of it.

ready to let go a large chunk of it. Now let’s get on wi

Now let’s get on with our exercise. Stay relaxed. It’s onlyth our exercise. Stay relaxed. It’s only a game: all that compensation shopping contributed in a game: all that compensation shopping contributed in some way to helping us to feel satisfied or happy for a some way to helping us to feel satisfied or happy for a brief moment. Or at least that’s how we think it works. brief moment. Or at least that’s how we think it works. In reality, the effect usually lasts only until we are done In reality, the effect usually lasts only until we are done shopping and by the time we return home most of the shopping and by the time we return home most of the

effect has already disappeared. Take the Porsche driver effect has already disappeared. Take the Porsche driver in the first chapter: after three days even the Porsche in the first chapter: after three days even the Porsche was merely a vehicle taking him from A – B…

was merely a vehicle taking him from A – B…

In this exercise we explore the main feeling, the one In this exercise we explore the main feeling, the one urging us personally to want to go shopping all the urging us personally to want to go shopping all the time. While similar for everyone, as explained earlier, it time. While similar for everyone, as explained earlier, it does have an individual tint. And that’s why I ask you at does have an individual tint. And that’s why I ask you at this point to start inspecting your home (or as soon as this point to start inspecting your home (or as soon as you get home, if you are away right now). Stop at each you get home, if you are away right now). Stop at each compulsively bought item, note it and jot down the compulsively bought item, note it and jot down the feeling associated when you purchased it.

feeling associated when you purchased it. Examples of what could be part of such a list: Examples of what could be part of such a list: • Assorted Buddha- and other statues.

• Assorted Buddha- and other statues.

Feeling: hope for magical-energetic help through sym- Feeling: hope for magical-energetic help through sym- bols. Not entirely unfounded on one hand. Beautiful bols. Not entirely unfounded on one hand. Beautiful symbols visible in our living area certainly can reach symbols visible in our living area certainly can reach our subconscious mind. I do suspect however that I our subconscious mind. I do suspect however that I have accumulated a few too many symbols. Individual have accumulated a few too many symbols. Individual pieces visually drowned out by sheer quantity.

pieces visually drowned out by sheer quantity.

• Expensive collector dolls, really beautiful, high qua- • Expensive collector dolls, really beautiful, high qua- lity with lovely detail and expressive faces. Feeling: lity with lovely detail and expressive faces. Feeling: substitute for love, security, proximity.

substitute for love, security, proximity. • Assorted luxury items:

• Assorted luxury items:

Feeling of abundance, security, power. Or: joy of the Feeling of abundance, security, power. Or: joy of the items beauty! On this journey of discovery we are not items beauty! On this journey of discovery we are not concerned with good or bad, but with self-discovery concerned with good or bad, but with self-discovery per se. Enjoying beauty, naturally is a much higher qua- per se. Enjoying beauty, naturally is a much higher qua- lity than the satisfaction of keeping up with others, for lity than the satisfaction of keeping up with others, for example. Just be honest with yourself, there is no jury example. Just be honest with yourself, there is no jury and nobody except you ever has to know about it. and nobody except you ever has to know about it. • In wardrobes, we often find feelings of being especial- • In wardrobes, we often find feelings of being especial- ly feminine or masculine and elegant. A simple matter ly feminine or masculine and elegant. A simple matter of self-confidence.

of self-confidence.

• Way too much of anything: • Way too much of anything:

Feeling: a post-war fear of lack, inherited from grand- Feeling: a post-war fear of lack, inherited from grand- ma. The feeling of urgently needing reserves for safety, ma. The feeling of urgently needing reserves for safety,  just

 just in in case case these these colours, colours, this this shape, shape, this this somethingsomething might not be available at some point.

might not be available at some point. • Far too many toys for children. • Far too many toys for children.

Feeling: a fear of wailing, whining kids and stress when Feeling: a fear of wailing, whining kids and stress when they want too much attention from you.

they want too much attention from you.

Comment: experience shows that short moments of  Comment: experience shows that short moments of  undivided attention often suffice, soon they will be “fed undivided attention often suffice, soon they will be “fed up” again with mum or dad, off to new shores on their up” again with mum or dad, off to new shores on their own. Meaning they’ll find something else to play with own. Meaning they’ll find something else to play with on their own. In most cases, the fear of being stuck for on their own. In most cases, the fear of being stuck for 24 hours is unfounded.

Besides, in these “intense moments” we typically get Besides, in these “intense moments” we typically get exactly what we had hoped for when buying collector exactly what we had hoped for when buying collector dolls.

dolls.

Other possible feeling: worry over children not learning Other possible feeling: worry over children not learning enough. So we go and buy educational games and expe- enough. So we go and buy educational games and expe- rimental kits.

rimental kits.

Or you enjoy playing with these toys yourself and buy Or you enjoy playing with these toys yourself and buy everything you would have liked to have when you were everything you would have liked to have when you were a kid.

a kid.

Tip: add a toy storage and bring things out selectively, Tip: add a toy storage and bring things out selectively, one-by-one. The pleas

one-by-one. The pleasure will ure will be much greater that waybe much greater that way.. I think that’s enough examples for now and you had I think that’s enough examples for now and you had better start examining your own feelings behind com- better start examining your own feelings behind com- pulsive shopping highs. So let’s go. Get up, get some pulsive shopping highs. So let’s go. Get up, get some paper and take notes. I’ll stop writing until you have paper and take notes. I’ll stop writing until you have completed your very personal list.

completed your very personal list.

So what did you discover? Any feelings you bought mo- So what did you discover? Any feelings you bought mo- re frequently than others, turning up surprisingly often? re frequently than others, turning up surprisingly often? Some especially often buy love and security, others pre- Some especially often buy love and security, others pre- dominantly self-esteem or, more subtle, feelings of  dominantly self-esteem or, more subtle, feelings of  being able to keep up with others and being important. being able to keep up with others and being important. Non-purchase of the latest fashion craze produces Non-purchase of the latest fashion craze produces anxiety of being “old-fashioned” or not belonging to a anxiety of being “old-fashioned” or not belonging to a society one really doesn’t care for to begin with. How society one really doesn’t care for to begin with. How thoughtful to spend money for that. In the final analy- thoughtful to spend money for that. In the final analy- sis, all are simply subtleties of a purchased sense of  sis, all are simply subtleties of a purchased sense of  self-confidence compared directl

self-confidence compared directly to y to neighbourneighbours, busi-s, busi- ness partners etc.

ness partners etc.

However, distraction, repression, revenge and multi- However, distraction, repression, revenge and multi- tudes of other interesting motivations can also be found tudes of other interesting motivations can also be found when looking behind your own stage set.

when looking behind your own stage set.

Is it not almost comforting to know that a large portion Is it not almost comforting to know that a large portion of our gross national product wouldn’t even exist were of our gross national product wouldn’t even exist were it not for such common neuroses? I mean, we really it not for such common neuroses? I mean, we really needn’t worry about an exotic emotional life. We also needn’t worry about an exotic emotional life. We also don’t need anyone telling us that we’re not normal for don’t need anyone telling us that we’re not normal for having feelings and anxieties like these. In fact we are having feelings and anxieties like these. In fact we are even very normal. Too normal for my liking. If indeed even very normal. Too normal for my liking. If indeed that is the norm, I’d rather distance myself, be a bit ab- that is the norm, I’d rather distance myself, be a bit ab- normal.

normal.

So what are we going to do with it all? Now we know So what are we going to do with it all? Now we know which feelings we constantly try to purchase:

which feelings we constantly try to purchase: • Self-esteem

• Self-esteem

• Trust there will always be enough • Trust there will always be enough • Security • Security • Proximity, safety • Proximity, safety • Feelings of belonging • Feelings of belonging • Recognition • Recognition • Feelings of success • Feelings of success

• Being able to be proud of something • Being able to be proud of something • Feeling of vitality

• Feeling of vitality

Or negative feelings when not buying, such as: Or negative feelings when not buying, such as:

• Worry of being boring or being a “hick” if we don’t • Worry of being boring or being a “hick” if we don’t

buy into this or that trend buy into this or that trend • Fear of loss of image etc. • Fear of loss of image etc.  Jot

 Jot the the most most important important feelings feelings you you discovdiscovered ered on on aa piece of paper and pin it

piece of paper and pin it next to your bed, put it undernext to your bed, put it under your nightstand lamp, stick it on the large mirror in your nightstand lamp, stick it on the large mirror in your bathroom or something like that.

your bathroom or something like that.

Every morning, pick a feeling and consciously think of  Every morning, pick a feeling and consciously think of  a way to produce this

a way to produce this feeling non-materialistically today.feeling non-materialistically today. Since these are your feelings, your anxieties, surely you Since these are your feelings, your anxieties, surely you are the one to come up with the best exercises.

are the one to come up with the best exercises.

Therefore, the following examples are simply intended Therefore, the following examples are simply intended for inspiration, assistance and support in case you are for inspiration, assistance and support in case you are still a bit short on creativity in this area. :-)

still a bit short on creativity in this area. :-)

ake a commitment to yourself on how long you will be ake a commitment to yourself on how long you will be doing this daily exercise. Minimum: one month!

doing this daily exercise. Minimum: one month!

Examples: Examples:

 When brushing teeth in front of the mirror

 When brushing teeth in front of the mirror, your atten, your atten--

tion is drawn to the word “Security”. You wish for the tion is drawn to the word “Security”. You wish for the feeling of security. First realise there is no objective feeling of security. First realise there is no objective security. Even if you had amassed millions, which ini- security. Even if you had amassed millions, which ini- tially might have somewhat reduced fears of poverty, tially might have somewhat reduced fears of poverty, you have long since realised what new anxieties big you have long since realised what new anxieties big fortune can produce. Fear of burglars, conmen and fortune can produce. Fear of burglars, conmen and people aiming to rip off your fortune. Worry about people aiming to rip off your fortune. Worry about wrong investment decisions and managing your for- wrong investment decisions and managing your for- tune, etc.

tune, etc.

Let me assure you that if you worry about security, you Let me assure you that if you worry about security, you will find something insecure every step of the way. You will find something insecure every step of the way. You can even let your worries of insecurity rage by questio- can even let your worries of insecurity rage by questio- ning if your friends are sincere or if they just want to ning if your friends are sincere or if they just want to use you to make money for themselves.

use you to make money for themselves.

Better forget all about objective security. There is no Better forget all about objective security. There is no such thing, we don’t need it, we don’t want it. What we such thing, we don’t need it, we don’t want it. What we are really after is the feeling of security and we can are really after is the feeling of security and we can