edición: Editorial:
UN CASCABEL PARA EL GATO.
Thekeytoresiliencewithambiguouslossistolearnhowtoholdtwoopposingthoughtsinone’s mindconcurrently(Boss,1999;Kreutzer,2013).Extrapolatingthisstatementtoaddictionitneedsto beaddedthattheseopposingthoughtsneedtobepredicatedinadesiretogainandsustainsobriety ratherthanarunningargumentofreasonstorelapse. Holdingpsychologicallytwoopposing thoughtssuchastheconsequenceofdrinkingversusthegainsmadeinsobrietytodate,arecovering alcoholiccanrecallthepositivelivingexperiencesofsobrietyandusethisasabufferagainstrelapse, irrespectiveofenvironmentalorothercurrentdifficulties.Stayingsoberthencanmeantheyhave the‘livingspace’toacttheirwayintonewthinking,onedayatatimeasshowninthefollowing excerptfromIsabelle’snarrative.
…yeahjustwishingIcoulddrink,Ihadalotofthat,wishingIcoulddrinkbutnot wantingtoontheotherhandbecauseIdidn’twanttostuffeverythingupthatI’d workedsohardfor…keptfightingit,itwasn’tthereallthetime,soitwasjust gettingthroughthosetimesandjustbreakingthatdayatatimedowntoanhour atatimeaminuteatatime,whateverworked,dayatatime’stoobigsometimes …(Isabelle,August2012) Isabelleisovertenyearssoberatthetimeofthisinterviewandthereforeshehasthebenefitofa numberofyearsofpositiveexperiencebasedonhealthysobriety.ShehaswhatFrank(1995)callsa questnarrativeinthiscaseforsustainedsobriety.Thatis,Isabelleacknowledgesherillnessandthe costandlossassociatedwithactiveaddictionandseekstouseittoheradvantage.AsFrank(1995, p.115)somewhatromanticallyputsit,“illnessistheoccasionofajourney,thatbecomesaquest”, thusIsabellehasbecomeawoundedhealer.ForIndia,whoisembeddedwithinthechaosofher chronicillness, theawarenessofthedualityofthinkingandmovingonfromitareimmensely difficultandthenatureofthecopingorrecoveryresponseispredicatedatleastinpart,bythe unexpectednessand[un]predictabilityofhowthelossiscreated(Boss,1999). Boss(2006) considers that how boundary ambiguity is perceived has subjective elements, for example psychologicalhealth,aswellascontextualfactorssuchasanindividual’scultureandcommunity. LivingontheedgeofpovertywithnohopeforfuturegainsasinIndiaandJojo’snarrativecouldbea keyfactorinnegativelyinfluencingone’sbeliefthatthingscanandwillgetbetter.Bradby(2009,p. 79)suggestslivingin“…povertyandalackofsocialcohesiongiverisetothenegativesenseofbeing atthebottomoftheheap,whichinturndamageshealth“givingmoreinfluencetotheconsideration thathealthissociallyconstructedand“determinedthroughsocialclassdifferencesinthematerial circumstancesoflife”.BlankandBurau(2004)considerthesocialconstructionofhealthsuggesting thatgoodhealthhasapublicdimensionaswellasbeingsociallydefined.Theysaythathealth(good
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andpoor)alsooperateswithinaculturalorcommunitycontext.Thiscanbeshowninthecaseof JojoandIndiaasforthem,havingnoresourcesbecauseofalifetimeoflosseshascreated vulnerabilitythatintimesofnaturaldisasterputthematgreaterriskofharm.
Narrativesofpeopleinterviewedforthisprojectsuggestthatboundaryambiguityfortheaddictand recoveringalcoholicisalsostronglyinfluencedbypasttraumaexperienceandtheirlevelofrecovery resourcesofwhichculturalandhumancapitalareonlyapart. Similarlytheenvironmental devastationthatawakenedlatentnegativefeelingsandmemoriesoftraumacoulddirectlyinfluence one’sabilitytobounceback(Hobfoll,2001). ThereforeIconsiderthatitisone’searlymemories andlackofrecoverycapitalorrelational,socialorfinancialresourceswhichiswhatinfluence participants’perceptionofanysituation,notjustboundaryambiguity(Boss,2006).Incorporating thisfindingintoaddictioninterventionandassistanceforalcoholismtreatmentmayinfluencean individual’snaturalresiliencetogrowfromtheillnessexperienceandcreateamorerobustrecovery. Withthenatureofambiguitybeingmirroredbyadevastatingenvironmentitcouldbesaidthatthe abilitytocareforallone’sneedspersonallyisunattainableforthoseinearlyorevenstablerecovery duetoalackofpersonalresources.Theimpactofearlytraumaexperienceandapreviouslifestyle ofactiveaddictionhasasystemiceffectcreatinglossesinallareasofanindividual’slife,makingit difficulttofindastartingpointtoendingthechaosandbeginrecovery,asindicatedinIndiaand Jojo’snarratives.Disasterrecoverysupportsuchasblankets,batteriesandfinancialassistancewill not,itisconsidered,(Hobfoll,2001;Hobfoll,2002;Zaidietal.,2010)beofsufficienthelptoactasa replacementforthetypesoflossesthatarebeingexperiencedbyArohaandIndia.Otherformsof communitysupportneedtobeemployed(Armenianetal.,2000)toaidthegriefthatisbecoming manifest,ratherthanmedicatingortreatingapathologicaldiagnosisofdepressionthatisoften consideredinthedisasterliterature. Buckle(2006,p.91)suggestsvulnerabilityandresilienceare linkedlogicallybutarenotnecessarilyoppositeendsofaspectrum.Hesuggeststhatvulnerability andresilienceoccursimultaneousandone’scapacitytorecoverfromloss,whathedefinesas resilience,isindependentofvulnerability.Qualityoflife,accordingtoGroshkova,BestandWhite (2013)influencesbothvulnerabilityandalcoholdependency. Theybelievethatunderstanding whereanaddictiswithintheirrecoveryjourneywillprovideatimelyandpowerfulpredictorofthe typeofsocialassetsthatareneededtobolstertheirpersonalstrengthsandreinforcetherecovery journeyduringdisasterrecoveryevents.
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5.9Lossesnotknownsurfacewithearthquakeactivity
Asdiscussedearlier,Indialongsforsobrietybutisunabletoachieveit.Forhersobrietyisphysically absentbutconstantly,psychologicallypresentoratleastthedreamofachievingitis.Iconsiderthat thisismorethanher‘drydrunk’thinking,thisisadesperateneedtobelievethatshecanbewell, butoftencontradictedbyhernextthoughtof“…buthowcanIwhen…”.ForIndia,thebeliefthat shemayonedayliveasasoberpersonisheldinhermindlikeabeaconofhope.Thedualityofabsence/presencealsofitswithintherecoveryjourneyofthosewithlongerterm recovery.Thatis,onecanhavethephysicalpresenceofsobriety,buttheirdreamofsobriety,the lifetheythoughttheywouldhavewhensober,canalsobepsychologicallyabsent.ForArohathis typeofambiguouslossappearedinasuddenandshockingrevelationwhenviewingthedevastated Christchurchenvironment.Whenseeingabrokencitysherecognisedthatthecitymirroredherlife. Inthefollowingexcerptsheexplainshow,throughobservingtheimpactthattheSeptemberand Februaryearthquakeshadonclosecommunitymembers,shecametorecognisetheimpactonher thatherearlylifeexperienceoftraumahadandhowanewperceptionandalteredawarenessofher lifestorywasbeingcreated:
…Yeah,likeIalmostwantedtogo“ohforChrist’ssake”youknowtopeoplelike “you’remilkinitman,you’reallmilkinit”.Yeahthat’showIfelt,likequitesortof like…detachedfromit…youknowIhaveexperiencedsomeprettyhorrific situationsinmylife,inmyaddiction…um,sotocomeouttheotherendofthat um,um,Idon’tknow,Imean,yeahtocomeouttheotherendofthat[February quake],it’sjustanotheroneisn’tit? Imean…maybeithasmademecometo termswiththeseriousnessofthethingsthatIhavegonethroughinmylife… more.(Aroha,August2012)
Arohaseesherselfasmoreresilientthanothercommunitymembersbecauseofthecomparison thatsheisabletomakebetweenherpastandtheearthquakeswhichtoherseemlessthreatening thanyearsoflivingincrisisasanaddict. Inthefollowingnarrative,Arohaalsomakesthe connectionbetweentheFebruaryquake,andherearlysurvivalexperiencessuggestingthatthe seismicdamageisnotasdevastatingasthepsychologicaldamagethatisabletobeinflictedby people: …ifthisishowpeople,ifthisishowitisforamajordisasteryouknow,cozit’sa differentthingsee,thisisanearthquakewhichisanactofnature,ok,mytraumas were…camefromotherpeople…Imeantheywerelifeanddeath…situations, where…youknow,Icouldhavediedso…anditwaslikethat…(Aroha,August 2012)
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TheearthquakewasthevehiclebywhichArohacouldreassesstheemotionaldevastationcausedby earlierlifeexperiencesandsheattributesthelossofopportunitiesthroughoutherlifetoherearly trauma. Thisearlylifeexperiencewasworsetraumathantheearthquakesshebelieves,butthe seismicactivitywasavividreminderoftheeffectoftraumaonherlifeandhowmuchthe experienceshavecostherpersonally:
…Ihavespentthelastsomanyyearsstrugglingwiththosetrauma…going…you know,havingperiodsofsobriety,goingreallywellforaperiodofcoupleofyears, thensomethingwillhappenandIwillbecometriggered,didn’tknowthis,andI wouldflipintoadepressionthatwouldn’tjustlastafewweeks,I’mtalkingabout depressionthatlastssixmonths,thatabsolutelyimmobilisesme…soIlostjobsas aresultofthat,Ilostfriendsasaresultofthat,Ilostmysobrietyasaresultof thatIlostawholelotofstuffasahumanbeing.(Aroha,August2012)
Whenhearingothers’storiesandreconcilinghowother’sfeltwithherexperiencesandemotional state,Arohaplacesherselfonanewlyformedcognitiveplatformtoreviewearlydistressing memoriesandrelocatethemwithinamorerealistic(andyetstilldisturbing)positionpsychically.In herdiscoursethereisanattributionthatthelossoflifeopportunitieswassocial,vocationaland financial,thatis,forhertheimpactofherearlytraumaexperienceswassystemic.ForAroha,the yearsofconstantdeclinebackintoheraddictionhaskeptherstuck,hinderingherdevelopmentand, shebelieves,deprivedherofthebasichumanessentialsofbelongingness,nurturingandimplicitly, selfͲrealisation.
5.10Lossandgrief…andnothingtodowiththeseismicactivity
Throughtheoverttraumaofthenaturaldisastertheawakeningtothelosscreatedbycoverttrauma isreflectedinthefollowingnarrative.Aroha’sinabilitytoavoidordenynotjustearlymemoriesbut theimpactofhertraumaticearlylifelosscreated(orawoke)significantgrief.Atsomepointinher naturaldisasterrecoveryprocesssheexperiencedacognitiverestructuringorapsychicshiftthat enabledhertostartaprocessofpsychologicaltallyingupofthethingsshefeltshehadlostdueto herpreviouslifestyle:…I’dbedrivingaroundonthemuntedroadsandyouknowlikeplaces,historic placesthatIgrewupwitharen’tthereanymore,and…mywholehistory’sgone. WhatIgrewupwith,youknowtown,theCathedral,placesIworked,nolonger there,emptysections…sohugeamountofgrief…becauseI’mseeingthings, buildingscomingdown,notthereanymore,piecesofmylife,youknow,soum… andalthoughI’vehadeightyears,youknow,of,IbelievethebestsobrietythatI had…sofar…butit’stakenalongtimetogethere,those8yearsandthenI’m stillnot..it’slikeallofasudden…I’mmenopausal…I’vegotnochildren,I’ve neverbeenmarried,likethosethingsareimportanttome…theyneverusedto
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beandallofasuddenit’slike…IseethedevastationthatI’vecausedwithmylife …(Aroha,August2012)
ForAroha,theemotionalravagesofalifespentfightingaddictionnowseemedtolookthesameas ChristchurchpostͲearthquake. Shesaidthatsuddenlyshefeltasifherlife,newlyrevealedand strippedtoitsreality,appearedtohavelittlevalueorwithlimitedmeaningandpurpose,thesame ashowshefeltherlifeinChristchurchnowwas.Theawarenessofthecostoflivinginaddictionat averypersonallevelisapparentintheaboveexcerpt.SheseesthatconstanttraumareͲenactment createdbyyearsofrelapsing,coupledwithherbody’snaturalagingprocess,placesgreatlydesired goalsbeyondherreach.Aswithotherearlyrecoverynarratives,Arohaviewedacitythathadbeen devastatedandforheritinvokedacorrelationwithanintrapersonalsenseofdevastation ForparticipantsArohaandJojo(asdiscussedinchapter4)whoarenewlyawokentothecorrelation betweentheiractiveaddictionyearsandtheearthquakeimpact,theyrecognisewhatisanewand profoundpersonallossthatmanifestsemotionallyasgriefandthreatenstheirawarenessof recoverygains,andpotentiallytheirsobriety.Thedualityofrecognisingsobrietygainsbutaddiction lossesoccurrenceoccurssimultaneouslyandinoppositiontoeachother. Hobfoll(2001,p.343) recognisesthegrief/losseventandconsidersitinthefirstprincipleofhisConservationofResource (COR)theorywhenhesuggeststhat“resourcelossisdisproportionallymoresalientthanresource gain”. IntheirmodelofPTG,TedeschiandCalhoun(2004)discusswhattheytermeventͲrelated ruminationand the discrepancy between goalattainment whichthey referto and label as rumination.Theyconsiderruminationispartoftheprocessofgivingupordisengagingfromcertain goalsandbasicassumptions.Continuingatthesametimewithbuildingnewschemasandcreating meaningisabalancingactofcognitiveprocessingassociatedwithagrowthoutcome.Ratherthan ruminationanddepressionastheylabeltheseemotivestates,Iconsideritisthegriefassociated withtherecognitionofalifelosttothechronicillnessofalcoholism.TedeschiandCalhoun(2004) pointoutthatwhensurvivorsarereflectingonthediscrepancybetweenwhatwaspossiblethenbut notnowasinthecaseofArohaabove,theyaredevelopingtheirtraumanarrativeandcreatinga turningpointtotheirlives,withthetraumaeventthefulcrumtogrowth.
GriefwasthewordthatArohausedtodescribehowshewasfeelingfollowingthedevastationofthe Februaryearthquakeitisgriefforwhatsherecognisesisthelossofalife.Althoughshesayssheis immenselygratefultohavemanaged8yearsofsobriety,‘thebest[sobriety]yearsofherlife’,when unexpectedly given the opportunityto viewherlife through alens of earthquakedamage, immediatelythe8yearsofsobrietydonotseemenoughcompensationforthelossfelt. Hobfoll (2001,p.343)considersthat“givenequalamountsoflossandgain,losswillhavesignificantly
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greaterimpact”.Asshesuggests,theopportunitycostofthe23intermittentyearsofrelapsingand thelossassociatedwiththislifestyleisgreaterthan8greatyearsofhealthylivingthatshehasright now.ThereforeforAroha,shefinallyhasasoberlife,itisphysicallypresentͲbutis(atleastinthe shorttermpostnaturaldisaster)overshadowedbythepsychologicalabsenceofamuchdesired loving,nurturinglife.Thedamagecreatedbyalifeofaddictionfuelledtraumaandtheearthquake destructionisfeedinghersenseoflossbybeingpresentvisuallyandsymbolically.
Hobfoll(2001,p.345)suggeststhat“theimpactof…loss[is]…greaterthantheimpactofnegative lifeevents…”.Arohaacknowledgeslaterintheinterviewthatherearlierlifeexperienceshelped hercopewiththeearthquakeactivityanddamage,anincongruityofaddiction/earthquakeduality. Thatis,whenviewingtheearthquakedevastationandseeingthecorrelationwithherlostlife,Aroha hasalsohadadualawareness,shesaysthat“ifshehadnothadtheexperiencesshehadasachild andasanactivealcoholic,shewouldnotbethepersonsheis”.Therecognitionthatshehasvalue, worthandsomethingtooffer,Iconsider,iswhatkeepsArohainthepositivesideofsobriety,rather thanmovingintoarelapseslide …youknowI’vebeenaroundrecoveryfor23years,that’salongtime,withbeing inandout,um…those…23yearsoftryingto…havehadtheirowntraumasas well,withinrecovery,youknowexperienceand…becausetheyhaven’tum,so it’sbeenahardroadum,yeah,I’vehadtodoalotofwork,youknowifIwasn’t,if Ididn’thavethathistoryorifIdidn’thavethatum,youknow,Idon’tknowifI wouldhavemadeit,actually…andImeanyoutake46years,well…it’sbeen8 yearsofthat46yearsthatI’vehadsomegraspofsanityandbeabletodoquitea fewthingsinthose8years,likeI’vestudied,I’vegotadiplomayouknow,this doingwhatI’mdoingnow,wasa10yearplan,wellI’vedoneitin6,youknow um…(Aroha,August2012)
Aroha’sperceptionofhowhersoberlifeshouldormighthavebeenisactuallygreaterthanthe impactofalifeinaddictionandcertainlygreaterthanthedevastationoftheearthquakes.Although Aroharecogniseshernegativeexperienceshavecreatedanidentitythatshenowembraces,shealso notestheconverseofthisortheopportunitycost. Thatifshehadnothadtheseprevious experiencesandstyleoflivingshewouldhavehadanopportunitytomarryandcreateherown family.Thecostofherpreviousexperienceshavedeprivedherofamuchdesiredfamily,whichshe seeswouldhavebeenanimportantsourceofsupportduringthenaturaldisaster:
…Ihaven’thadarelationshipforalongtimebecauseIcan’thaverelationships becauseoftheshitthatyouknow…it’sjust…it’shuge,andsothere’sallthat griefaroundthatlostthing,thatlostlife,youknow…becauseit’slike,theone thingthathumanbeingswanttodowhenthere’ssomethingbigtimehappening likethis,isyouwantyourfamily,wellIhaven’tgotafamily. I’vegotamother who’slivingandyeahI’mblessedtohavethat,mysister,she’stwohoursaway, butIdon’thaveahusband,Idon’thavechildren,I’malone,I’vegotmydog…you
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know,andinsomewaysIwantedtohaveahusband…youknow,where’s… who’sthereforme,storyofmylife.(Aroha,August2012)
AsBoss(2006)pointsouttheambiguitybetweenabsenceandpresencecreatesauniquekindofloss thathasbothpsychologicalandphysicalqualitiesandtherecoveryprocessisbothsystemicand cyclical.ThesenseoflossforArohaisalmostpalpable.Withtherecognitionofunfulfilleddreams thathavebeenshakenintoreͲexistencewiththeearthquakes,sheisfacedwithacertaintythatat firstglancetheselifedesiresarenowunattainable,andpotentially,herlifeisnowwithoutmeaning. Therecognitionofwhatnowappearsameaninglesslifecould,aswithotherparticipantshaveledto arationalargumentfavouringrelapse.HoweverviewingAroha’sstatementsthroughalensofpost traumaticgrowthasdiscussedbyTedeschiandCalhoun(2004)itcanbeseenthatthedisasterhas createdanopportunityforcognitiverestructuringwiththerealisationofwhatonehaslost,but takingapositivepathwaytorecognisingnewpossibilities. ThewayforwardforArohawasvery clear: …yeahIjustdidn’twanttorunfromit…Ididn’twanttorun,youknow,I’dspent myliferunningandyeah…youknowalotofpeoplehaverunaway,andIhaven’t runaway…youknowthat’swhenIcould’veanditwould’vebeenacceptableto dothat.(Aroha,August2012) Thegrowingrealizationoftheopportunitycostonherlifeprocessormoreimportantlytherobbing ofthehigherorderpsychological,emotionalandspiritualneedsthatactivealcoholismcreated (Miller&Guidry2001)wasanimpetustoavoidrelapsinginordertoavoidanyfurtherlossof resources. Thechangeinperceptionandacknowledgementofhernewrealityalsosetsan understandingaboutopportunitycostsandtheconsequencestolossofresourceswhichArohaalso usestojustifystayinginChristchurchratherthanrunningwhich“would’vebeenacceptable”. In Aroha’smind,leavingChristchurchorassheputsit‘[to]runaway’wouldmeanaccumulating anothersetoflossesassociatedwiththelifethatshehadcreatedinChristchurchduringhereight yearsofsobriety. ThiswindowofreflectionprovideswhatTedeschiandCalhoun(2004)calla turningpointinone’straumanarrative,stemmingfromareflectiononthediscrepancybetweenher unattainedgoalsorschemasandthedisasterevent.Itcouldbesaidthenthatthisemotionalstate mirroredandreinforcedbytheenvironmentalconditionswasinstrumentalinraisingawareness,to avoidfurtherloss,ratherthantoencouragerecoverygainswhichmaynotbeabletobemetata timeofmajordisruption. Giventhisthen,itissuggestedthatresilienceisadaptationthrough learning,itmaynotalwaysappearinapositiveformandonemaynothaveontheoutsidewhat appearsagreaterstateofbeingorliving,butwhenfacedwithsurvivalsituationsanduncountable loss,merelykeepingone’sstatusquoinlifecouldbesaidtobeenough:
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…have I grown from it? I’ve stayed sober, I think that’s a pretty huge achievement,it’sthelongestI’veeverbeensoberinmyentirelife…(Aroha, August2012)
TedeschiandCalhoun(2004)suggestthattherecognitionatapersonalleveloftheparadoxoffrom lessthereisgainengagesthetraumasurvivorindialecticalthinking,creatingwisdom.Itcouldbe saidthenthatthisemotionalstateasTedeschiandCalhoun(2004)suggest,moresothanthe environmentalconditionsorperhapsinconjunctionwitheachother,wasinstrumentalinraisingthe awarenessprovidingimpetusforlongtermchange.
5.11PostTraumaGrowthͲAlteringofschema
Theinabilitytogrieveforwhathasbeenlostwhileinactiveaddictionisrevisitedwiththeadventof thenaturaldisaster. ForArohatheearthquakesprovidedanopportunityfordelayedgrief recognitionbytheresurfacingofmemoriesandforgottendreams,whichparadoxicallyprovideda growthopportunitytoseekadditional,professionalsupport.
…becausetheotherthingthat,um…formeIhavereconnectedwithACC counsellingagain…andI’mbackatmyACCCounsellorforthatstuffum,because youknow,youknowIreallydoseehowit’simpactedonmylife,youknow,thatis whyI’monmyown,thatiswhyIhaven’tbeenabletoconsistentlyworka40hour week,youknowforeightyears,um,or…youknow,that’swhyIdon’townmy ownhome,that’swhyIhaven’t[been]marriedhadchildren,I’mgoingthrough menopauseyouknow,Ihaven’thadchildren,youknow…Ihaven’thada relationshipforalongtimebecauseIcan’thaverelationshipsbecauseoftheshit thatyouknow…it’sjust…it’shuge,andsothere’sallthatgriefaroundthatlost thing,thatlostlife,youknow?(Aroha,August2012)
InAroha’snarrativeisthedocumentingofherexperienceofambiguouslosswithinthecontextof herlifeinaddiction.Arohahasasoberlifebutshegrievesthelossofthelifethatshewants,thatis, beingabletoworkconsistentlyafortyhourweek,owningherownhomeandbeingmarriedwithall thepositiveaspectsthatalovingrelationshipcanbringsuchaschildren,emotionalnurturing,and sexualintimacy.
Boss(2006)pointsoutambiguouslossintheformofthelossofdreamsisnoͲone’sfaultbutif viewedbythecommunityastheresultofanimmoralactorapersonaldeficiencythiscanbean impetusforfeelingsofguiltoranxietythateroderesiliency.Shediscussestheculturalneedtoavoid painbutitisthepainofambiguouslossandtherecognitionofitthatcanleadtochange.Tedeschi andCalhoun(2004)firstrecognisedtheimpactoflossofdreamonindividuals.Theyconsiderthatit istheveryprocessesthatcreatethepsychicrupturingfollowingtraumathatcreatethegrowth process.PTGoccursbecauseofthestrugglewithtraumaandreferstoachangewithinpeoplethat
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occursconcomitantlywithdistress. Theydiscussthataparadoxofposttraumaticgrowthisthe recognitionofone’svulnerability. Theawarenessoftheirownpersonalstrength,theybelieve, heightensone’smindfulnessoftheirvulnerabilityandcanproduceassertivenessinseekinguseful support.
Forthoseinstableandsustained recovery,theirgriefisnotsomuchreͲvisitedbutrather acknowledgedandreͲassessedwiththebenefitofskillslearntinrecovery.Theopportunitytodeal withwhatappearstobeadelayedgriefreaction,providesnotsomuchasenseofemotional equilibriumtoberestoredbut rather onetobereͲlocatedand growthand wisdomtobe experiencedasaconsequenceofthatrealisation.Aroha,reachingoutforsupporthasprovidedan opportunitytoreframeshameandguiltassociatedwithselfͲcreatedchaos,toanewconnectionthat encouragesviewingthebehaviourasmoreanattemptatpsychologicalsurvival(Tedeschi& Calhoun,2004).ThisisanotherofthegeneralparadoxesofPTGͲfromlossthereisgain.
AswiththenarrativeofAroha,asenseoflossisovershadowedwithfrustrationandasubtextof yearning,butwiththebenefitofinterviewhindsightanew,alteredrealityunfoldsthatincorporates thechaos,lossandpersonalcostwithacolouringofanew,yetmorerobustidentity.Firmanand Gila(1997,p.181)considerthisistheessenceofselfͲrealisation,whattheysayis“aconscious ongoingrelationshiptoSelf…thatwill…entailanopenness,notonlytothejoysoflife,buttothe pain,uncertaintyandlimitationsoflifeaswell”:
…BecauseI’vehadmoretimeonmyown,um,youknowI’vedonereallysimple thingswithmylife,um,youknowI’vebeen,I’vemoved,I’vestartedthisplace,I spentalotoftimeathome,doingcreativity,youknowmygardenreallygrounds me… ImeanI’mdealingwithsomegriefthatprobablywouldn’thavecomeup hadthisnothappen,that’sapositive.Gettingtosortofdealwithsomeofthat stuffthatmayhavenothavesurfacedhaditnotbeenfortheearthquake… (Aroha,August2012)
GrowthdoesnotoccurasadirectresultoftraumabutaswithAroha’snarrative,thestrugglewith therealityoftheaftermath(Tedeschi&Calhoun,2004).TedeschiandCalhoun(2004)considerthat itisthecopingprocessandspecificallytheaffectivecomponentofanytraumaexperiencethat explainswhytraumaisbothaprocessofimprovementandanoutcome. JanoffͲBulman(2004,p. 31)suggestedthatthetransformationisprofoundbecausetheintraͲpersonalimprovementenables onetomovebeyondone’spreͲtraumalevels“throughexperiencingandcopingwiththedebilitating painanddistressoftrauma”.Ialsoconsiderthatthesametransformationprocessfromstoryto experienceiswhereknowledgeisgainedandisoneofthemajoraspectsintheturningpointin recoveryfromaddiction,whereonegoesfrombeingwoundedstorytellertowoundedhealer,from tellingonesstoryusingaquestratherthanachaosnarrative(Frank,1985).
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Whenviewingthetraumaofalifeinaddictionfromtheperspectiveofhindsight,aswithaseismic event,theparticipantsofthisstudycanbeseentovaluewhathashappenedtothem.Asa‘sideͲ effect’ofthetraumaexperience,theycaninadvertentlyandmostlyunconsciouslymakemeaning outofitaspartoftheirpsychologicalsurvivalprocess(Tedeschi&Calhoun,2001;JanoffͲBulman, 2004).Wright(1989)referstothiscognitivereframingastherehabilitationprocess,aframework fromwhichindividuals’considertheirdisabilityexperienceinabroaderlifecontextofadauntless humanspirit.Onedoesnotnecessarilywantthedisability,butoneintegratestheacceptanceand understandingoftheconditionwithintheirnewposttraumaidentity. ThisiswhatTedeschiand Calhoun(2004)considertobetheexperienceofgrowth,andsuggestthatthecognitiverebuilding followingfromrupturedschemaincorporatesthechangedrealityofone’slife,creatinganidentity thatismoreresistanttobeingshattered.
Resilienceisamultifariousconceptthatcanapplytothecapacitytowithstandloss,thecapacityto preventalossoccurringinthefirstplace,andthecapacitytorecoverfromalossifitoccurs. Vulnerabilityontheotherhand,isameasureofwhatlossesmayoccurandhowseveretheymaybe (Paton&Johnston,2006).CopingcapacityisdefinedbyPatonandJohnston(2006)asthemeansby whichpeopleororganisationsuseavailableresourcestomaximiseanabilitytofaceadverse consequencesthatcouldleadtoadisaster(Paton&Johnston,2006,p.90). Asdiscussedearlier, naturaldisasterscancreatevulnerability,andamoreawareapproachtocommunitymembers’ uniqueneedscouldbeinstrumentalincreatingacapacitytoadapt. Buildingadaptationinto communityrecovery,PatonandJohnston(2006)considerwillnothappenbychance,creatingthe opportunityforthistomanifestalsoprovidesacapacityforpostdisastergrowthanddevelopment.
5.12Conclusion
Ihaveusedthelensofambiguouslosstoviewthevaluedlossesthatparticipantsrecognisethey haveamassedduringtheirlifeofactiveaddictionorasforsome,theperiodoftimewhentheywere reliantonotherssuchasparentsandcaregivers. Inapplyingthetheoryofambiguouslossto illustratethelossandassociatedgriefastoldbyparticipantsIhaveexpandeduponandextended themodeltocoverpsychologicalformsoflossencounteredamongpeoplewithadiagnosedalcohol dependency followinganaturaldisaster. Thebuildingblockofthetheorybasedupon the psychological‘family’,isreplacedbythepsychological‘lifeofsobriety’.Thehighertheincongruence betweenaparticipant’spsychologicallifeofsobriety,(theirperceptionofasoberlife)andthereality oftheirsoberlife,isthegreatertheirboundaryambiguity. Fortheparticipantsinthischapter, boundaryambiguityisnotknowingifthegainsmadeinhavingsobrietymakeupforthelosses incurredinalifeofaddiction,atleastwhenalsorecoveringfromanaturaldisasterevent.
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Asdiscussedinthepreviouschapter,recognisingthestageofrecoveryfromalcoholismand understandingthedifferingimpactthatearthquakeshave,relativetothephaseofdisasterrecovery butalsoviewedwithinthebiggerpictureofearlylifeexperiencemayprovideausefulformofgrief andlossintervention,postnaturaldisaster.Boss(2006)considersthatambiguouslossissystemic andubiquitousandratherthanapathology,itisarelationaldisorder,sotreatingtheindividual’s addictionissuesolelyisoflittlehelp,itistheunderlyingtraumaandoutcomesoflossandgriefthat needrecognising,acknowledgingandtreating.Anapproachtotraumacounsellingthatincorporates thewholelifeexperiencemaywellbeusefulwhenincorporatedintoacommunityapproachfor disasterrecovery. Perhapsmoreimportantlyviewinggriefandlosspostdisasterwithinthelife journeyincontextcouldprovebeneficialforlongtermrecoveryoptionsifusedtoformthebasisof addictioninterventionprogrammes.
Jojomanagedtoremainresilient,thatisshegainedandstayedsober,butwithfewrecovery resourcesinher‘disastertoolbox’shehadnorealmovementforwardorgrowthopportunity.Aroha hadsomecapacitytoadaptbecause,notonlydidshenotrelapsewhenfacedwithhervulnerability, shehad,shesaid,grownfromtheexperienceofthedisasterandcouldcallonstocksofhumanand culturalcapitaltosupportherduringdifficulty.Isabelleontheotherhandhadpositiveexperiences intheformofsocial,culturalandfinancialcapitalthereforeJojo,ArohaandIsabellehadthegreatest personalgrowththroughthedisasterperiodasdescribedaboveandinthefollowingchapter.
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