Looking for Love
We are all trying to get love or give love in everything we do. It is a natural part of human nature. How we look for love, and what kind of love it is that we look for can depend on how we were raised. It can also depend on what we have come to understand about ourselves and the things that become important to us in our lives. Have we learned from past mistakes and evolved to a new level of understanding? Or do we go forward in the same manner of the true crazy person that continues to repeat the same actions over and over again and expects different results?
Women and men look for love in different ways. Many guys, by the second or third date are saying: I love you. Women are responding with reservation, either inwardly or outwardly saying: What? You
don’t even know me yet. Thich Nhat Hanh says that, "You must love in
such a way that the person you love feels free." When a guy starts professing his love after only a few dates and starts putting out the relationship vibe, it’s simply inappropriate and out of sequence. Women are emotional beings and they get scared when a guy tries to get too serious too soon by focusing on relationship labels or locking them down to a commitment. Commitment, bonding and being together 24/7 happens slowly over several months as the woman’s level of attraction for you grows. When she’s ready for a relationship or a commitment, she’ll bring it up. If she’s not bringing it up, it means she’s not at that point yet. Simply continue to focus on hanging out, having fun and hooking up when you are together. Slowly over
time, she won’t want to be with anyone else other than you. If you try to force or rush the process, she will reject you, friend zone you or ghost you.
Guys are physical, for the most part. They are very visual. A guy is going to look at a woman and know instantly whether he is interested or not. He is going to look at her hair, her eyes, her body, and instantly have a high level of sexual attraction for her, or not. Even though a guy has not spoken to a woman, or before he knows anything about her, he instantly tends to size her up. If a guy meets a woman, is talking to her, and thinks she is very beautiful, many times he will look past a lot of other qualities that he may not like, just because he is visually stimulated.
A guy will have an instant reaction to a woman and say things like: Oh, wow. I’m going to marry her. Guys connect physically and, in an instant, can engage their emotions. Women take longer. They warm up more slowly to a reaction of interest. A woman needs to understand who the guy is before she will enter into that emotional reaction, and often before she will engage physically. Women go out on first dates with the attitude of just seeing what happens. The guy tends to be focused on making her his girlfriend and possessing her, instead of just letting the love story develop.
To a woman, when a guy is engaging his emotions at the beginning of the relationship, without taking the time to get to know who she is first, he seems needy. Because of the way women deal with emotions and love, they can’t quite comprehend the man’s instantaneous emotional response. It makes her leery and uncomfortable. She doesn’t feel safe with him, because he is not in his masculine. Guys who are needy tend to act like creepy stalkers. All
women have met guys like this in the past, and most know how to spot the control freaks, stalkers and needy guys.
At that point, she is not seeing him as a strong, centered man. A woman that has a strong feminine core will be completely turned off by a man that is acting outside the strong masculine area where he should be. She might not even necessarily know what it is about him that is turning her off, but she will rapidly lose any attraction that might have been there from her first assessment.
Don’t Be So Serious
You don’t have to declare your love to a woman for her to know that you are interested. In fact, the chances are higher that you will turn her off immediately. A woman knows when you’re interested in her. Women intuitively know these simple things. It is common sense to them, but not to us guys.
Women understand men far better than men understand women. She knows when a guy is interested, because she has taken the time to develop this sense. Guys don’t have this advantage. They don’t know what to look for, and will often project their own attraction level on to the woman, totally clueless of where she is really at. The whole process that I will be taking you through in this book helps a man to develop the same sense of awareness a woman has. So you give a woman the space to fall for you and come to you at her own pace to the point that she thinks it’s her idea.
When a guy meets a woman, he will often start right in about having a relationship, dating, where he’s going to take her out on a date, and so forth. To the woman, this is a complete anti-mystery. The
man doesn’t even have her information yet, and he’s already telling her everything he is going to do, where he is going to take her, and what he likes to do with women. This does nothing to build any anticipation. He is laying himself in her hands like an open book, saying: Here is everything there is to know about me. It takes away all the mystery and challenge from her. Women want to be in a love story. Love stories are mysterious and full of building sexual tension and then releasing it at key moments. When you tell a woman everything that is going to happen, it’s like telling a friend the ending to a movie they have not seen yet.
When a guy starts talking about relationships, dating, marriage, and other things of this sort, it makes a woman feel as though he is being needy, and is he is smothering her. They want to move away from that scene as fast as possible. Before you can start getting into declarations of love, you need to make a woman feel comfortable. She has to feel safe. You need to make her feel that she can be totally in her feminine and relax, without having to keep her guard up against your next move. The best way to do this is with laughter.
When you first meet a woman, your goal is to make her laugh and feel comfortable. You need to talk to her. Better yet, you need to engage her in talking to you. Ask her questions. Get to know who she is. Keep the conversation light and positive. Joke, banter, and tease her in a playful, non-offensive manner. Treat her how you would treat a bratty little sister who, even though you give her a hard time, she knows that deep down you really love her, but are just having a little fun. Just have a good time. You can also say things like: So tell me
about you. What do you like to do for fun? Or you could say: What do you like to do?
The whole purpose behind this is to get past that instant, visual interest of attraction. You are trying to engage her and, at the same time, gauge her attraction level for you. The goal is to find out if this woman is really someone you even want to go out with. If you joke around with her, or you tease her and she’s nasty to you – who cares? You are probably never going to see this woman again anyway, so what does it matter? If she doesn’t respond to your jokes, or doesn’t think you are funny, you don’t want to spend your time with her. You should always come from the place and assume that all women want you. Now of course that’s not always going to be the case. Most women are not going to be single, available or into you anyway. However, if you presuppose that you’re already in, it’s easy to walk away when they reject you, feeling like it’s their loss.
By banter and joke, I mean that you always need to be prepared to respond with a light-hearted, non-serious answer. If she says: Do you
have a girlfriend? You might respond with: “I always have room for one more. Are you asking me out? Wow, you’re really forward,” etc.,
keeping a smile on your face. If she says: Well, I think you’re a jerk. Don’t argue with her. You simply need to come back with something less serious, and an “I don’t care” attitude, such as: Why, thank you for
noticing! You need to shrug it off.
Remember that you are a strong, centered guy. Something like this should not push you off your center. When you are in your place of confidence, she will often read it as funny, but cocky. Google “Corey Wayne How To Be Cocky & Charming To Get Laid” and “Dominant Behavior… Gets You Laid.” She wants to see if you really are what you are putting out there. She is going to test you to see if she can push you off that center of confidence. She is looking for your reaction, to FEEL your strength. If you just blow it off, you are
confirming to her that you really are as confident as you portray. You have passed her test.
The other day I was at the counter of a sushi place, and a girl from another restaurant in the mall came in for a pick-up order, wearing her uniform that said where she was from. I jokingly commented: What?
Are you a traitor? After all, she was wearing the uniform of another
restaurant, and here she was at the restaurant I was at, picking up sushi. I said: Is there something I should know about the food where
you work? I could have as easily said: Oh, so that’s the secret ingredient in your desserts. After her surprise over my comment, I was
able to get a smile out of her. At that time, I wasn’t looking to get her number or anything. I was just out to make her smile.
You should be friendly to EVERYONE everywhere you go. Treat all women the same. Why? Because repetition is the mother of skill. "Excellence is not a singular act but a habit. You are what you do repeatedly." ~ Aristotle. If you hear me repeating things over and over in this book, which you’re going to see, I repeat things that are really important. You never know when you are going to turn around and meet the next great love of your life. If you are this way everywhere you go, chatting up Mrs. Right when she shows up in your life will be just like breathing. Google “Corey Wayne Improving Your Social Skills” and “Corey Wayne The Process Of Improving Your Social Skills” and “Practicing Your Social Skills” and “Be Friendly To Everyone.” You won’t have to think about it. If you only wait for the ones you really like, you’ll choke and walk away pissed off at yourself for not being ready and blowing a good opportunity, simply because you were not prepared. “Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.” ~ Confucius.
One suggestion I would like to make is go to the mall and banter with women you don’t have any interest in at all. Joke and tease with them to develop your skills. What happens is when you start talking, teasing, joking and being humorous with a lot of different women, is that you get in the habit of doing it. When you come across a woman you are really interested in, you can just be natural.
I do it all the time. Every time I see a woman and an opportunity to tease her, I take it. It hones my skills and keeps me in practice. When I run into somebody that I want to approach, I can act the same way with the one I am interested in, as I did with the one that I was not. Practice makes perfect.
It is a great way for you to go and become comfortable with your confidence and who you are. Talk to women in the gift shops, in the Hallmark stores, or wherever you come across them. Pick the ones that you are not interested in and joke, banter, and tease them. Build your skills. Make these skills a part of who you are, while at that same time bringing a smile to somebody’s face.
Ask people their opinion on gifts to buy for loved ones, opinions on dating and relationships, suggestions for cologne to wear, etc. Women LOVE to give their opinions on pretty much everything. Once you do this with the clerks and see how easy it is and how open they are to giving you advice on all kinds of topics, talking to random women or people in general at the mall will be much easier.
Go at your own pace. Start out by walking around the mall and making eye contact and smiling at people who look you in the eye and smile. Women who are single, friendly, available and who like you will look you in the eye and smile. That is their invitation to approach. Women who are married or in a relationship, who have a bad attitude,
who are unavailable, etc., will simply ignore you and act like you are invisible. They will not look at you, even though you know they can tell you are making eye contact. That makes it really easy. Only approach women who are friendly, smile at you and make mutual eye contact.
Once you get bored with that, you can simply take the next step and say something like, “Hi! How are you? How’s your day going?
What are you ladies up to?” etc. By asking questions and for their
opinions on anything and everything, they will do most of the talking, and you can simply say, “I’ve gotta run, but it was nice chatting with
you! Have a great day!” as you walk away and end the conversation.
Once that is easy and boring for you, then simply close with, “Hey, I
gotta run, but I would like to talk to you some more. What’s your phone number?” as you look down at your phone expecting to get it. If
you’re really bold, you should do what I do, “I gotta run, but I’d love
to meet up with you for a drink sometime. When are you free to get together?” and then wait for her to tell you, and make a definite date.
Google “Corey Wayne How To Make A Definite Date With A Woman So She Does Not Break It” and “How To Properly Set Dates.” I make dates on the spot. Why? The more steps you put in between meeting a woman and making a date, the higher the likelihood that you’ll never get one.
Sometimes I will go out, and a woman I’m interested in will look over. I will sometimes stick my tongue out at her. It usually catches her off guard. She may stick her tongue back out at me. This tells me she is willing to be playful, and that she is interested. Other times, I might motion with my finger for her to come over. She will often motion back for me to come to her. I won’t do it. I will simply shake my head and motion her back to me. I am letting her know that she has
to come to me. If she doesn’t, I will just shrug and ignore her. Nine times out of ten, before five minutes have passed, she has joined me. There it is – she is interested. If I were to go to her, I would have given her some of my power. At that point, I have stepped out of my masculine and let her take charge. I have stepped out of my confidence and stopped being the leader.
Watch her reactions to your joking around. If you are telling really stupid, corny jokes and she’s laughing, even though you know that they’re not really funny, it tells you she is interested. It’s a measure of your success at making her feel comfortable, which is exactly what you need to do.
A woman has a higher level of attraction to a man she can have fun with and that can make her feel comfortable. If you are being too serious with her from the start, worrying about dating, relationships and labels, then you may be engaging your emotions too fast for her. It is a signal for her to back away and test you.
Compliments: From the Beginning
Another thing that can have a negative effect on a woman’s attraction level is compliments, especially if she is beautiful. If she is beautiful, then she has been told just that since she was five years old. She doesn’t need you telling her. She knows it. She sees herself every day in the mirror. There are probably 15 people she meets every day that tell her how beautiful she is. Even if it doesn’t have a negative impact, complimenting a woman you just met for the first time is not going to raise her attraction level in you, unless you do it properly.
Many guys who are just learning to use what I teach will often get nervous and say, “You have really nice nails.” Then they will say,
“You have really nice hair.” Then they might compliment her on what
she is wearing or some other BS compliment. What happens is their nervousness overwhelms their ability to act natural and say what’s really on their mind. What happens is that, instead of communicating their interest in a masculine way, they come off as robotic, uncomfortable, inauthentic, ass-kissy, phony and basically trying to use compliments as a bribe for sex. The woman feels a weird, unnatural vibe, and it feels like she is being clinically diagnosed, instead of authentically being celebrated and desired by a man who is