VITANERVO TABLETAS

Goal

Learn how to structure a Sacred Sex session

Duration

Two to four hours.

What you’ll need

Uninterrupted time and your Sacred Sex space. Some nice bathrobes or wraps.

Description

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This may sound counter-intuitive but, in our experience, Sacred Sex works better if you plan it. Most people don’t plan their sexual activities; it just sort of happens. Although this can be great fun as you just ‘go with the flow’, it also leaves a lot of space for uncertainty, hesitancy and possible miscommunication which can put a real damper on proceedings. If you decide exactly what you are going to do it creates a lot more safety for both parties and actually makes it much easier to relax. Does this mean there is no room for spontaneity? Not at all. What we found worked well was to plan the first hour and then check in and see what we should do next. Sometimes things were flowing so much we just decided to have a good time and ignore any structures for the last part of our ses- sion; at other times we realized that we had had enough and just wanted to cud- dle a bit in front of the fire, while most of the time we actually followed a plan 126 Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex

for the whole evening. The important thing, especially in the beginning, was that we had the safety of knowing that there was a clear opportunity to re-evaluate how things were going and adjust if necessary.

Here’s what a plan might look like:

• Greeting, blessing and a short meditation.

• Some dancing to favourite music to loosen up a bit.

• A back massage with special attention to any areas of tension that need working on.

• A Yoni massage for the woman. • A Jade Stalk massage for the man. • Valley orgasm work.

• Relaxation and bonding.

• Something to drink and a shower.

If you’ve never had a session before, it might make sense to discuss your plan before your actual date. This way you can both relax as you both know what you’ve agreed to do. You can also ensure in good time that you’ve got everything you’ll need in terms of oil, candles and other bits and pieces.

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Make a date ahead of time. There is something special that happens when you know a few days before your session that you’re going to have some time with your partner to work with your Sexual Qi. You might even try doing some- thing like sending some flowers or leaving a little note or whisper in your beloved’s ear ‘I’m really looking forward to tomorrow!’ This is especially nice to do if, as can happen, you’ve been together long enough that you might just be taking each other a bit for granted. This is a chance to get out of that rut and rekindle the excitement you felt in the beginning of your relationship. Even if you’re not in a rut, it’s still nice to be wanted and appreciated!

When the time comes, start by preparing your Sacred Sex space and your- selves. Many people feel fresher and more present after a shower or a bath and this can be a good way to allow yourself to make a clear distinction between your normal life activities and your Sacred Sex time. Ensure as much as possible that you won’t be interrupted by telephones, children or any other distractions. Work together on creating your space so that you both ‘own’ it.

After your shower, or before you start, change into your light bathrobe or wrap and bless your space with the Greeting Ritual. If you want you can extend the ritual with a short meditation as described in the beginning of the Yoni Meditation.

127 Sacred Sex Session Excercise

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Now go over your plan and make sure you’re still both happy with what you’ve agreed to. We found that, in the first few sessions, it is really important to stick to your plan. Trust-building happens when you keep agreements and it is not at all helpful if, all of sudden, one or other of you starts to introduce elements that were not agreed in advance. This is especially important if you are trying new exercises; what may seem like ‘no big thing’ for the one partner may, for the other one, involve some serious stretching and risk-taking. Keeping to your plan is a good way to create safety for ‘stretching and growing’. Remember, there are always (hopefully!) more sessions where you can bring in new activities.

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It might sound like a real mood-killer but we found that ‘checking-in’ with each other before each step of the plan works well. This is especially true when you get really excited and just want to let go and enjoy yourselves. It takes disci- pline and a will of steel sometimes, but we discovered that if you don’t just hop over a step, you can build a delicious tension into your session. It’s really nice and tough at the same time to know that something lovely is coming up, but that you have to wait and stay focused on what is happening now. This is a great chance to learn to pace yourself in an era of instant gratification!

The feedback is also very important as it gives both partners a ‘safety valve’. This means that if things need adjusting, you both know that there is a natural point at which to communicate this. This can be something as simple as, ‘please could I have a bit more massage on my left shoulder as I realize it’s really stiff?’. It can also be something more complex like, ‘that Yoni massage really brought up some old stuff around how I feel about myself. Could I have a bit of a cuddle and some reassurance for a few minutes?’.

It’s OK to stop your session for any reason. Really. No reasons need be given; you can simply say, ‘I think I’ve done enough for this session’. There is absolute- ly no way that either of you can know what might (or might not) happen with your inner energy as you raise and refine your Sexual Qi. It’s completely normal for seemingly-unrelated things – such as a sudden cramp, unexpected emotions or complete loss of physical energy leading to sleep – to occur. Increasing the flow of Sexual Qi through the body can have profound healing effects and some- times our mind, body and emotions just need time to process and deal with issues that may arise.

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No matter what happens, it’s good to finish off your session with a gentle round of appreciation.