BY COREY FORD "You can't blame me for making a mistake," my friend Bunny said the other day. "After all, none of us are human." I was trying to figure that one out when she added thought- fully, "1 may be wrong but I'm not far from it."
Bunny is a skid-talker. Skid-talk is more than a slip of the tongue. It's a slip of the whole mind. In effect, it puts one idea on top of another, producing a sort of mental double exposure—and my friend Bunny is a master of the art. When her husband, a prominent Hollywood director, completed a screen epic recently she told him loyally, "I hope it goes over with a crash." She was very enthusiastic after the preview. "It's a great picture," she assured every- one. "Don't miss it if you can "
That's the insidious thing about skid-talk—you're never quite sure you've heard it. Skid-language is like a time bomb; it ticks away quietly in your subconscious, and sud- dv*»}\\ a few minutes later, your mind explodes with the
Are You a Skid-Talker? 23
abrupt realization that something about the remark you just heard was a trifle askew.
"If George Washington were alive today," Bunny told me once, "he'd turn over in his grave." On another occasion she opened a debate with the challenging sentence, "For your information, let me ask you a question."
The simplest kind of skid-talk consists of mixing words. For example:
"Too many cooks in the soup." "From time immoral."
"There I was, left holding the jackpot."
"It was so dark you couldn't see your face in front of you."
"I want some hot-water juice and a lemon."
A devoted mother added another gem to my collection: "I'm going to have a bust made of my daughter's head." And a stranger whom 1 discovered feeding pigeons in Cen- tral Park explained to me with quiet dignity: "I believe in being dumb to kind animals."
Sometimes a skid-talker will turn an entire sentence in- side out so effectively that the listener can't possibly set it straight again. I keep wondering about a statement I ov- erheard the other day at the station: "He tells me something one morning and out the other." And I have yet to discover what's wrong with Bunny's advice to a young married cou- ple: "Two can live as cheaply as one, but it costs them twice as much."
Bunny is a natural skid-zophrenic. "I'm a split person- ality all in one," she describes herself happily. She lives in a handsome country place of which she says dreamily, "Isn't it pretty? The lake comes right up to the shore." "I went to a wonderful party," she said of a recent celebrity- studded banquet. "Everybody in the room was there." She made sure to thank the hostess as she departed. "Darling, that was the best dinner I ever put in my whole mouth."
Bunny's insults are equally bewildering. "I never liked you, and I always will," she told a prominent screen star frankly. And a perennially young starlet is still trying to decipher Bunny's candid appraisal, "You're old enough to be my daughter."
22 WORD f OWER
a new shortcut which speeds up the language. I remember a New Year's Eve party when Bunny became fearful that the sounds of midnight revelry might disturb the neighbors. "Don't make so much noise," she told the celebrants. "Re- member, this isn't the only house we're in."
I had an affectionate note from Bunny recently. "Come see us again soon," she wrote. "We miss you almost as much as if you were here."
IT PAYS T O INCREASE YOUR W O R D POWER ®
Word Power
Test No. 2
Relics of Old EnglishBY PETER FUNK
The following one-syllable words are living echoes of the fasci- nating linguistic period from about 450 to 1150—the era of Old English. The pithy vigor of these old words reflects the character of the fierce Northern Europeans who braved hazardous seas intent on plundering and conquering. Their talk would have been spare and to the point, in the 20 test words below. Choose the word or phrase nearest in meaning to the key word. Answers appear at the end of the test.
1. hone—A: to mourn. B: hum. C: sharpen. D: whittle. 2. hulk—A: rotten tree stump. B: broken-down ship. C: pile
of debris. D: tumble-down barn.
3. saw—A: remedy. B: witticism. C: reference point. D: prov- erb.
4. wield (weld)—A: to finagle. B: support. C: force upon. D: exercise authority.
5. bight (bit)—A: post. B: meadow. C: porch. D: bay. 6. creed—a statement of A: belief. B: confidence. C: proof.
D: qualification.
7. girth—A: ornament. B; diameter. C: circumference. D: knot.
8. crop—A: to winnow. B: bundle. C: steal. D: cut short. 9. bane—A: ignominy. B: affliction. C: ruler. D: regimen. 10. eke (ek)—A: to startle. B: fade. C: supplement. D: escape. U. gnash (nash)—A: to rip. B: nibble. C: grind. D: grin. 12. font—A: statue. B: tower. C: pulpit. D: source. 13. quell—A: to tremble. B: suppress. C: hide D: alter.
22 WORD f OWER
14. faze-^A: to eliminate. B: disturb. C: blur. D: endanger. 15. shank—A: shin. B: joke. C: link. D: joint.
16. doff—A: to blunder. B: hitch. C: bow. D: take off. 17. lore—A: fascination. B: sentiment. C: knowledge. D: trap. 18 grit—A: biscuit. B: temper. C: spite. D: pluck.
19. deft—A: orderly. B: quirky. C: experienced. D: skillful. 20. wreak—A: to smell. B: soak. C: twist. D: inflict.
ANSWERS
1. hone—C: To sharpen; give an edge to; as, to hone a knife for carving meat. Old English hart (a stone).
2. hulk—B; Broken-down ship; deserted wreck; now, any- thing unwieldy. Old English hulc (ship).
3. saw—D: Proverb; a familiar homely saying; as, '"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush' is a saw we've all heard." Old English sagu (a saying).
4. wield—D: To exercise authority, power or influence; make full use of; as, to wield political power. Old English wealdan (have power over).
5. bight—D; Bay formed by a curve in a shoreline; loop in a rope. Old English byht (bend).
6. creed—A: Authoritative statement of belief; set of princi- ples; doctrine; as, the Apostles' Creed in the Christian faith. Old English creda (I believe), from Latin credo.
7. girth—C: Circumference; distance around something; as, the enormous girth of a redwood tree. Also, a strap around a horse to secure a saddle. Middle English gerth, akin to Old English gyrdan (to encircle).
8. crop—D: To cut short; trim; as, "A printer crops the edge of a page." Old English cropp (top, usually of a plant). 9. bane—B: Affliction; cause of harm or worry; as, "Inflation
is the bane of our times." Old English bana (murderer). 10. eke—C: To supplement by great effort; manage with dif-
ficulty; as, to eke out a living. Old English eac (increase). 11. gnash—C: To grind one's teeth in anger or distress. Related to obsolete gnast, an Old English adaptation of Old Norse
gnaist (a gnashing of teeth).
12. font—D: Source; as, "Grandmother was a font of family history." Old English font (basin for baptismal water) from Latin fons (spring).
Word Power Test No. 2 27 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.
quell—B: To suppress; put down by force; as, to quell a child's fears. Old English cwellan (to kill),
faze—B: To disturb; upset. Generally used in a negative sense; as, not to be fazedby a problem. Old English fesian (put to flight).
shank—A: Shin; leg from knee to ankle. Old English
sceanca (shin).
dofF—D: To take off; as, clothing from the body; raise: as, to doff one's hat. Old English don of (remove),
lore—C: Knowledge; collection of facts and traditions about a subject; as, Joseph Conrad's vast lore of the sea. Old English lar.
grit—D: Pluck; unflinching courage or determination; as, "The girl had true grit in overcoming obstacles." The basic meaning is coarse sand, from Old English greet. deft—D: Skillful or adroit; having a light, neat and sure touch; as, to hit a golf ball with a deft stroke. Old English
gedaefte (mild, gentle).
wreak—D: To inflict vengeance or destruction on an en- emy; to damage. Most frequently used in the phrase "to
wreak havoc." Old English wrecan (revenge, drive out).
VOCABULARY RATINGS 20—19 correct 18—15 correct 14—12 correct exceptional ...excellent ... good