ACCIONES DE DOMINIO Y DE POSESIÓN

In the case of disappointment, you can more than likely remember a time when someone treated you unjustly or thoughtlessly and you spent emotional energy in fantasizing revenge and harboring bitterness. On the emotionally intelligent side of disappointment, possibly you can remember a time where you chose to take a more understanding and forgiving ap- proach—and moved on with your life. Arguments could be made from physiological, spiritual, and moral vantage points regarding the redeeming value of letting go of old injuries and moving forward with life. The delete- rious effects of an embittered spirit are well documented in medical jour- nals, which chronicle the declining effect upon one’s physical health from holding on to old grudges. In this discussion, however, I want to focus on the emotional impact on others that results from hanging on to old baggage. We all know people who are so devoid of trust that their suspicion and sensitivity become an unpleasant odor they carry into every relationship. Usually this emotional posturing can be traced back to a disappointing cir- cumstance or experience they have experienced in their work histories. Those lacking resilience grow bitter and cynical when they get burned and consequently develop a lens of suspicion through which they filter every conversation and relationship. On the other hand, the emotionally resilient individual, who has a similar experience, grows wiser and more cautious but does not allow yesterday’s toxins to pollute the air in today’s dialogues.

Words and phrases such as touchy, thin-skinned, chip on the shoulder, car-

rying too much baggage, oversensitive, and living in the past describe the nega-

If you personally struggle with bitterness, keep in mind that it is an emotional toxin that will find its way into relationships where it is not wel- come. Others may be more aware than you are of your emotional compe- tence in this area. My suggestion is to do whatever is necessary to remove these toxins from your emotional storehouse. Seek psychological or spiri- tual counsel if necessary, but do not fool yourself into thinking that this “virus” will not get in the way of your productivity. If you do not believe me, ask yourself a very simple question, “Do I know someone who has a hard and bitter edge, who is quick to go on a negative rant? How much do I enjoy talking to that individual?”

You cannot be in business and not incur some injuries in the process. The roadway is crowded and almost everyone is driving over the speed limit. The sales profession is a contact sport (think demolition derby). If you are not prepared for this and had hoped for something more akin to badminton, you will find yourself nursing some serious injuries the first time you take a blind-side hit. As one sales veteran put it, “You are going to get hit in this game, and how hurt you get depends on how prepared you are for the hit.”

Perhaps you’ve seen those NFL film clips where a quarterback’s career ended on one brutal sack from his blind side that he wasn’t prepared for. To play the sales game with resilience, you have to be aware of the many sacks that will come in the form of disappointment. Clients will let you down. Stay alert, keep a positive disposition, and look downfield. When you get knocked down, dust yourself off, nurse the wound, and keep your eyes open. Resilience can be a little more challenging, however, when the hit comes from the home office.

Vince has been with the same company for over 25 years. He has been a star performer as an account executive, state manager, and regional man- ager in that time. He builds lasting relationships with his clients and his sales force. He is venerated by most of his troops as being the most loyal person they have ever known, which is a rare commodity in today’s mar- ketplace. Recently he told me about the most trying period of his career.

“A top-level position opened up, and he was the obvious choice for the job. For some inexplicable reason that could only be justi- fied in the labyrinth of politics that is the home office, Vince was passed over, and the position was given to a person 15 years his jun- ior with a production record that wasn’t even half as good as Vince’s record. This move dealt a serious blow to Vince’s psyche. But the knockout punch was yet to come.

“The first thing this fellow did when he was promoted above Vince was to call him in and tell him he was moving him from the

central region to the south. Vince had been in this region for 12 years and had developed an incalculable number of meaningful re- lationships with employees and clients. He was loved and respected as a leader. The hypocrisy of his company was almost more than he could bear. They preached that their business success hinged on building good relationships, yet they were pulling the footings out from under all the relationships he had built over a dozen years.

“The pain for Vince was profound. He told me, ‘When they passed me over, they took out my heart, and when they took me away from all the people I cared about, they took away my soul.’” But Vince is an emotionally intelligent individual. I saw him after the painful regional switch during his first meeting with his new people. There was never a word, tone, or nuance of speech to betray his injury. To hear him talk, you would think that he wanted nothing more than to spend his career helping this group become successful. He had confronted his disappoint- ment, dealt with it, learned some difficult lessons, and moved forward with the sentiments that had helped him become successful in the first place— empathy for others, the desire to teach, and competitive instincts. As Vince learned, resilience is not about ignoring reality. It is about dealing with real- ity and dealing with it in a way that does not poison future relationships.