In addition to the themes above, I will discuss some salient points from Merrick’s interviews. Although these points did not become patterns or themes, they are important here, because they taught me more about Merrick’s story and how these points inform him. These points are brief and not all related, but they seemed important to Merrick as he shared his experiences with me.
Worst memories in school were not about school. In our second interview as we discussed his schooling history from his earliest memories of school until now, Merrick spoke about social interactions in and around school. He spoke about social interactions more than he spoke about academics. When I asked Merrick about favorite memories and worst memories from school, they were about social interactions and not specifically academic.
When we discussed his worst memories of school, he recounted instances like, “I peed my pants” in elementary school, and “My worst memory [in high school] I think is when the left tackle stepped on my foot while we were playing football.” When I
followed up with Merrick about his worst memories, he shared that peeing his pants was one of his worst memories because of his own embarrassment. “That’s embarrassing. You peed on yourself?” I asked him if anyone saw him. “I don’t remember. The only person I remember seeing me is the nurse. But, that’s the only person I remember.” I asked if he knew no one had seen him, if he would have still been embarrassed. “Yeah, because like being embarrassed by other people is not really gonna affect you in life. Being embarrassed of yourself, you gonna remember that ’til your casket.” Although I did not ask him directly, after spending time with Merrick, I believe Merrick has high standards for himself as evidenced in his comment about remembering embarrassing moments until he dies and his desire to take care of his mother even as a young child.
His toe being stepped on by “the left tackle” in high school made the list as one of his worst memories because of the pain he experienced after the injury.
and I got a couple of reps—but I had to go to my grandma house and grandmas don’t like doctors and stuff like that. They believe God gonna fix everything, and I’m not saying He won’t, but God gave us doctors. And my grandma, she took my whole toe off. Like my toe nail off. I never cried so much ever in my life.
“The Struggle.” When I asked Merrick if he liked elementary school, Merrick
framed his response in reference to his out of school circumstances at the time, or what he called, “the struggle.” Based on the context in which he spoke, “the struggle” was some type of financial hardship for the family. Merrick’s experience in the struggle seemed to impact him both at home and in school.
No [I did not like elementary school], not at one point. During elementary school my mom was going through the struggle. As my mom was going through the struggle, I’m going through the struggle, my brother is going through the struggle. My sister went through the struggle. When I was in I think it was pre-K, the third-grade, I had every shoe you could think of, Jordans, all that. Fourth-grade, fifth-grade, I had the same pair of shoes, had to wear a uniform. We came up from it. I’m glad we did, but it was a struggle.
I asked Merrick if he was happy to be at school when he was struggling at home, but he said, “No, I wanted to stay home to take care of my mother at that point.”
Years later as a high school student, “the struggle” informed the way Merrick thought about schooling, particularly, when he reintroduced the term “struggle” when discussing assessment measures. When I asked Merrick, what measures he thought could be used to show teachers what he had learned throughout the school year, he offered, “I’ll show them my test scores. I’ll show them what I do with my personal time, what’s my
hobbies, what I go through [pauses] nah, nah.” I asked him why he recanted his last comment, “what I go through.” “Because you never know who he [prospective teacher] might tell [about his personal business].” Wanting to know why he brought that up, I asked why he considered that to be important to show teachers. “To show your struggle to success…That was my thing. That’s what I had to do. I had to struggle to my
success.” I followed by asking Merrick what represented success for him currently. “When we first found this house, I thought it was a big house. You know what I’m saying?…If I wanted to, I can go buy my mom rims. I could take my momma’s car to be fixed up. It’s nothing wrong with it, but I want my momma car to be riding high on 32s.” I asked why those things were important for him. “To show that I can take care of my momma. You can’t talk about me when your momma is riding in an old Cadillac that’s barely, driving because you can’t take care of your responsibilities.”
Hearing Merrick talk more about responsibilities in the home, I asked if he thought it important for teachers to know his responsibilities outside school and his success with them. “Yeah, because you can take care of the responsibilities at home as you can do at school.” I asked which was more important, school responsibilities or home responsibilities. Merrick replied, “My home…Because this is where I have to come to every night. This is where I lay my head. If I can’t lay my head at home, where am I going to lay my head?” For Merrick, responsibilities within his home, or his outside school context, are more than his schooling responsibilities.
I included these points, because they helped me understand more about Merrick’s context inside and outside school and how much of his outside school experiences informed his thoughts on schooling. Honestly, hearing of how Merrick’s life and
circumstances outside school informed his thoughts on school was not surprising. Instead, it was a reminder of how society affects individuals in school, not just the practice of schooling. For instance, the field of foundations of education began as the study of how society affects schooling (Tozer, 2001), however, if we look closely at only educational processes, we can miss the humanity of those we wish to educate.
Participating in interviews with Merrick vividly reminded me of the trials and triumphs of the children I taught within and beyond the classroom. As Merrick talked about “the struggle”, I thought of how school work may have been the last thing on my mind if I were in his shoes. While this is not a call for educators to “let up”, or set low expectations for students living in adverse social conditions, it is a reminder that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (Maslow, 1943) still matters to every human being, including those we teach. Within Merrick’s experiences inside and outside school, I found implications for curriculum writers, teachers, teacher educators, and civic partners, each of which I discuss in the next chapter.