• Find what someone "wants".
• Create an opportunity for them to get that
• Make it so that them "getting" that works in your favor.
• Challenge them to see if they will follow through and take action to get it.
Tactical Formula for Opportunities and Challenges
Find something "X" that the person wants to have, or been seen as having
You can assume based on normal things that people want (Universal Want) or Get information from talking (Particular Want)
Create an opportunity for them to get or demonstrate "X", by doing "Y"
Make "Y" something that works in your favor.
Challenge the person to do "Y".
What does someone Want?
Assume, or hopefully find, what someone wants.
• Universal Wants
• Particular Wants Opportunities, Creating Them
Consider the wants and needs that a person may have ... (and again, here we have to "assume" things for the sake of teaching) ...
1) Try piecing together items from the Universal Wants List, and Mini-Challenge Cheat Sheet, and see how many combinations you can come up with.
You need to create an "opportunity" for each of these, where this opportunity benefits you (and hopefully pertains to the situation).
Examples...
• Confidence - How can you create an opportunity for someone to appear confident (that works in your favor)?
o Discuss people that YOU know, and how the confident ones are able to take chances and have fun.
o Talk about how confident people can make their own choices, on their own, even if their friends don't approve.
o Mention how confident people can meet someone new, and feel very comfortable with that.
o Let the person demonstrate how confident they are, by meeting this "challenge".
• Maturity - Think about maturity ... what does a mature person do? How are they seen? How do they react?
o They make their own decisions o They trust their own judgment
o They can decide to do something NOW.
o They can go against the grain.
o They can do exciting things.
o ... Talk about those things, talk about DOING them, and/or HAVING them.
Provide a way to demonstrate that they DO have what they want, or want to be seen as having Structure this so that it is something that YOU would like them to do.
Provide an example of someone, or some way for this person to capture the opportunity
• Provide an example of something she can say or do...
• Provide an example from your own life.
• Maybe point out something a friend did ...
• Mention something that you have read.
How can you make that sound like a way for them to "show" something? How to create an opportunity?
• Here is a way for you to show me that you really have or was able to get X.
• Here is a way a friend of mine showed that they have or was able to get X.
• Here is how I read/heard that someone else had or was able to get X.
Create the opportunity for them to show or demonstrate that they have or are perceived as having, something they want.
Challenges
Are they ready to take advantage of that (this) opportunity?
Challenge them to get what they want, or show what they have.
Examples:
• Does she really want X and see how Y can get that?
• Does she really have X, and see how doing Y would demonstrate it?>
• Does she have what it takes to get X, by doing Y?
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• Does she want you to THINK she has X, then ... she may have to do Y to prove that..
• Can she see an opportunity to have "X", and do Y to get it?
• Can she do Y and make it happen?
• Can she see that Y will get her what she wants?
• Can she trust herself enough to do Y?
• etc.
They want X. Are they ready to do Y, to show or demonstrate that?
Examples:
• Security
o Say she wants to feel secure. You talk about a friend who has always wanted to feel secure, and she found that by taking chances and risks, she actually felt more secure about being able to take care of herself. Is she ready to take chances? Take risks? Do something different? Maybe not ...
• Success
o Maybe "success" is important to her. You discuss success for a while, and mention that you read somewhere that successful people tend to be able to trust their own judgment, their own intuition.
Later, you mention "We should get together sometime,.. I mean, as long as you trust yourself enough to feel that is OK ..."
• Adventurous
o Maybe she wants to feel adventurous. You talk about that for a while, what this means to her, how she may be adventurous. Then at some point you talk about you and her getting together, and say something like "well, I don't know if you are adventurous enough for this, but...".
I know this is tricky. It's different from the way most guys think. It's NOT about creating an argument!
Again,
• Find out what someone wants.
• Find a way to map what YOU want, to be a way for them to get what they want.
• Challenge them to do that.
Exercises and Assignments for Opportunities and Challenges
1) Make a list of some assumed things that many people may want to have, or be perceived as having. These are your "Assumed Wants".
Assumed Wants
2) Write a Mini Challenge for each if the above items. Some examples are shown below, there are others shown earlier.
"you seem like ...
"you may ..
"you might...
"lets see if this makes sense to you
"see if you can follow this ..."
Mini Challenges
3) Practice the list of Mini Challenges you just created, out loud
4) Make a note of some of the ones you practiced that seem closest to something you could easily say or do with people in your life. Practice these more, and go out and actually USE them for a while.
Note some of your favorites ones below, and focus on using these.
5) Think about some people that you know quite well like family, friends, co-workers, etc.
For each person, write down something that each wants to have, or wants to be perceived as having.
Hopefully these are specific to them, quite unique, and NOT just things from the "assumed" list. Write down these "Wants".
Person What they want to have, or be perceived as having
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6) Consider the "want" that you identified from each of those persons above. Is there a way to create an
"opportunity" for them to get or achieve that? Can you somehow create an opportunity that can be "mapped"
in some way towards yourself, or that in some way could be interpreted, even subconsciously, as making them look at you more positively, want to do what you wish, etc?
Give that some thought, and write them down. What is the opportunity, and how can you "map" it to yourself?
Write down these "Opportunities".
Opportunity for them to get what they "want"
Person that somehow works in your favor
7) For each "want", and "opportunity", see if you can create a "challenge". Some way that questions ... are they ready? Can they take action? Can they DO this?
Write down these "Challenges".
Person Challenge
8) Practice each of those "Challenges" out loud. See if you can make it sound natural.
Example - A friend wants to be really good at a sport, and they spend a LOT of time practicing. (You want that friend to lighten up and be able to spend more time going out and having fun.) So you challenge their
dedication to their sport by saying "I was reading about really good athletes and one thing that was pointed out was that a lot of them really can get burned out. The good athletes find a way to relax and have fun, and that allows them to be better at their sport." The "opportunity" is for them to be a better athlete. You are
"mapping" it to you because by doing what you discuss, they will be doing something that YOU want.
9) As you become more familiar with these practiced challenges and opportunities, see if you can bring them up in conversations over the next few weeks.
10) While you are talking to people for the next 1-2 weeks, really focus on what each person desires. What do they "want". Try to guess, but also ask some questions and get into a discussion about it if possible.
11) For the next 1-2 weeks, do the same in terms of observing desires, but now also start to look for
"opportunities and challenges" in a way that directs their desires towards you, to do things that you would want. Do what you can to bring these up while in the conversation if you can.
3.8 AMBIGUITIES D7-T64 If you have studied this material for a while, you no doubt have heard many examples of "ambiguities". These are
those words or phrases that can mean more than one thing. They may have one meaning in one context, but in another context, they mean something different.
This is one area that many guys actually ARE able to pick up and use easily if they have listened to the materials enough. Listen, listen, listen, listen, so that you have heard them SO MANY TIMES, that these become familiar.
Although there could be a section in this course that deals with these areas, given that this IS an area that many guys are able to do (with enough listening) and given the many OTHER areas that really DO need the assistance of a program like this, we will not be doing any specific work on Ambiguities.
3.9 SUMMARY D7-T66