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Situation

You are about to have an important first meeting with someone. The outcome could be significant for you personally, your career or your organization. Your communication skills are being put to the test. Face-to-face meetings can be daunting and sometimes awkward for those not brimming with confidence and experience. The most important thing to work out beforehand is: what message do you wish to get across? In other words, what are you

confidence is like a muscle – it grows stronger as you exercise it

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trying to achieve during the dialogue? You must be certain of two things: what information you wish to convey and what you want the other person to do as a result.

In one-to-one communication, clarity is paramount. Com- munication is signalling: transmission by the speaker of a message that should evoke understanding in the receiver. This sounds straightforward enough, but it can be fraught with danger – in practice things can, and often do, go wrong. In business relationships particularly there are plenty of opportunities for misunderstanding and ambiguity.

In presentation skills, if only 7 per cent of the impact you make comes from the words you speak (the remainder is visual – appearance, sound of voice and body language) it is vital that your words come across well. What you say can be broken down into three parts: the type of words you use, the sort of sentences and how you phrase them.

To communicate effectively on a one-to-one basis, consider the words, the ideas and the structure of the message you wish to convey. Keep it as simple as possible. Always aim for clarity over ambiguity. Commonly used words, in short direct sentences, have the greatest impact. They also allow the least margin for error or misinterpretation.

Behaviour

In face-to-face encounters the key to success is to get on the other person’s wavelength as soon as possible. By demonstrating empathy with them you will find the communication between each of you is much smoother and more positive. Be sure to demonstrate your listening skills. This means relying on the 2 : 1 ratio – using your ears twice as much as your mouth. Many people are poor listeners. There is nothing more damaging to one-to-one communication than being involved in a one-sided conversation. This is where one party is interested only in the sound of their own voice.

Good listening avoids misunder- standings. Someone who listens attent- ively keeps a comfortable level of eye contact and has an open and relaxed but alert pose. You should face the speaker and respond to what is being said with appropriate facial expressions. You can acknowledge what is being said and offer encouragement with a nod or a smile.

One useful tip is using the reflecting and summarizing method. Repeat back a key word or phrase the speaker has used. This demonstrates that you have listened and understood. Summarizing gives the speaker the chance to add or amend your understanding if needed.

Successful face-to-face communication requires a balance of listening and talking. Should you wish to find out a lot of information, avoid the trap of asking too many questions. No one wants a ‘Spanish Inquisition’. Only one person at a time can truly direct a conversation. One person leads and the other follows. If there is to be an opening ritual (small talk about some general topic) watch for the moment when this should cease and the meeting begin. If there seems to be no plan, someone should take the lead – and the best person to do this is you.

The early part of any meeting is a key stage for your confidence. You’ll feel and operate better if you get off to a planned start. You’ll also be able to maintain better control and direct the rest of the exchange. Good conversational techniques involve a balanced style of communication. You could begin the exchange by introducing yourself and giving some personal information. This is called the inform stage. Once you’ve done this, ask a direct question of the other party. This is called the

invite stage. Then wait for their response. When it is given, listen

well. Then acknowledge and – if necessary – repeat the essence of their response.

The early part of any meeting is a key stage for your confidence

Good listening avoids mis- understandings

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If you can achieve this cycle of communication, it can be repeated many times over during a conversation to establish good rapport between both parties. This formula works as well in busi- ness communication as it does in a social context.

NLP observation

Communicating verbally on a one-to-one basis is an essential skill. In NLP assumptions, it is impossible not to communicate. But it is very difficult to communicate effectively and positively unless you adhere to these basic communication rules:

 Presence: pay attention to the way your voice and body language are used in conjunction with the words you speak. They should be congruent. You will convey a positive impres- sion if they are used correctly. An NLP assumption states that context is what determines others’ interpretation of any action or communication.

 Relating: it is essential to develop rapport with the other party as early as possible – empathize with them. In NLP, mind and body are different expressions of the same system. The way someone thinks will affect how they feel. If you want a successful one-to-one meeting with someone, be empathetic towards the other person.

 Questioning: when engaged in dialogue, make sure your questions are pertinent to the situation or subject. Anything irrelevant will betray that you’ve not been paying attention to what was said. Remember, in NLP it is you who has control of your mind and therefore the results that you achieve.

 Checking: while engaged in dialogue, keep good eye contact with the other person to see that they are still on your wavelength. Watch for the gestures they make, are they positive or negative? When they are talking, what signals are you giving in response? The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.