Situation
Confidence in your own ability is something that everyone needs. Most people have it, though at times they may not believe it. If you are confident, the most important thing is to ensure that your body language does not convey a different impression. An important NLP belief is that it is you who has control of your mind and therefore the results that you achieve.
Self-confidence varies from person to person in different situations. You may be supremely confident of your abilities in certain circumstances yet in other situations you may feel nervous or ill at ease. No one is the same and each individual’s ability to show confidence is entirely personal. If you sometimes lack confidence in your own abilities, one way of changing that is to learn confidence-building skills. This requires preparation and a bit of practice. It also needs to be actively worked at to ensure you create the right impression at the appropriate time.
You may be extremely talented as an economist, clever at interpreting figures and produce excellent charts and graphs to express future business trends. These skills are invaluable to
Remember, NLP also states that modifying your own behaviour can make others change
your organization. However, if your self-confidence is low and your presentation skills are weak, no one will believe what your predictions show. This could have a detrimental effect, not only on you when you’re delivering the information, but also on the audience, who will not be engaged with your communication. Finally it will reflect adversely on your organization, on whose behalf you are presenting your facts.
If you know you are good at something, then you should be able to carry things off with confidence. But sometimes it isn’t all that easy to appear confident in situations at work. Although you have the right answers, circumstances – other people, or technology – can conspire against you. So having a few basic confidence-building skills at your fingertips will help. You won’t come across in a confident way by trickery or by faking it. This is a false premise – people will see through it or (worse) you will trip yourself up. To be businesslike and professional you need a step-by-step approach.
Behaviour
Do you notice when colleagues are nervous? Do you work with people who have low self-esteem? Is this because they are not able to perform tasks well and are afraid of being seen as under- performing? Or are they more than up to their job but simply shy in certain circumstances? If you meet someone who is fidgeting, tightly clasping and unclasping their hands, keeping their head bowed or avoiding eye contact, they may be suffering acute lack of confidence despite having ability in their specific area. Some people who are nervous cross their arms or hold their papers or briefcase in front of them. Anything like this displays a form of self-protection.
The more confident you are, the more likely you’ll exhibit relaxed gestures and open body language. You will give the impression of being able to take whatever comes your way ‘full frontal’. If you are an extrovert personality, you may use your arms
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to gesticulate – open movements indicate a confident personality. The less you move your limbs and the closer they are kept to your body, the more you’ll indicate that you’re a shy or timid person. The best way to be seen as a confident and self-assured indi- vidual who exudes a cool, professional manner is to use open body language. People who stand upright, balanced on both feet with weight evenly distributed and arms relaxed at their side, are in control. Don’t forget that the body is an instrument. It conveys emotion. Other people can pick up on these signals easily and they will react more positively to confident gestures. A greatly reassuring sign is when someone mirrors your body language. By copying what the other person does, it endorses the favourable (if that is what they are showing) view they have formed of you. If you reinforce a positive impression, you create a bond between yourself and the other party.
When you are trying to create a favourable impression with someone, your body will quite naturally point towards them. This can be unconscious but will be noticed by the other person. If you have the opportunity, have a look at how individuals position themselves when communicating with each other. Most people usually angle themselves towards the person with whom they wish to create a positive impression. They turn away from those whom they seek to avoid. Maintaining good eye contact is an important factor. Keep your eyes directed towards the other person at all times but avoid an unblinking stare – this can be unnerving.
NLP observation
In order to improve your confidence whether generally or, specifically, in your own abilities, spend a little time asking colleagues or friends whom you trust what they notice about you. In NLP people are not their words and behaviour. But it is also impossible not to communicate. You do not want to communicate
Don’t forget that the body is an instrument
a lack of confidence – yet many people do not realize when they are doing just that. A little 360o feedback is very helpful here.
Are you regarded as a confident person? What are the situations and occasions where you lack confidence? What kind of image do you currently present? Do you usually make a favourable impression on people at a first meeting? How do people react when meeting you? How would you like people to respond to you?
It is essential to develop a positive mental attitude. People rarely take longer than a few seconds to make a judgement about someone. So if your presentation skills aren’t strong, spend a little time and effort on your appearance to give your confidence a boost. One of NLP’s main principles asks: is it better to judge your intentions or your actions? Remember that the outcome of many situations is often determined by the confidence shown by the parties involved. Once you have begun to exude confidence in yourself and your abilities, it will get easier to extend the boundaries. Confidence is like a muscle – it grows stronger as you exercise it.