My whole experience of women changed when I learned to flirt. It was totally amazing and life-transforming for me. Prior to this, interacting with people in general was a bit of a chore unless we had a really strong mutual interest to discuss. Meeting and talking to wo- men certainly wasn't what I'd call “fun”. I had no idea how to flirt with a woman, and considered myself to be completely crap at it. I didn't even know where to start until I learned a key insight: that women love being
teased. Playful teasing is the basis of
flirting. Once I had this insight, my relationships with women changed
completely.
Women will be much more attracted to you if you can tease them in a manner which is fun and playful, rather than being serious all the time. The more attractive the woman is, the more likely that she's besieged by men who play the “nice guy” all the time. Women are looking for men who stand out from the crowd. You don't want to be a jerk or to “treat them mean to keep them keen”; you just want to de- velop and utilize your playful, fun sense of humor more often.
What To Do
•Start playfully teasing all women you interact with •Develop your sense
of humor
•Be fun and engaging •Get David
DeAngelo's Cocky
Comedy program
•Read My Secret
Garden and Forbidden Flowers by Nancy
SKILL 2: LEARN TO FLIRT 131
Humor is hugely attractive to a woman not only because it makes you fun to be around, but it also tells her subconscious that you have the ability to get through hard times when the abil- ity to relieve stress through humor will become invaluable. So develop your sense of humor and use it with women whenever you can.
I got teased at school a lot when I was a kid and because I really hated it I was very reluctant to tease women; especially the ones I was most attracted to. It took me a
long time to realize that in the adult world, playful teasing doesn't hurt a woman's feelings; it tells her that you're not afraid of her and that you're up for some fun.
Learning to flirt totally transformed my relationships with women. I fi- nally realized what I had been do-
ing wrong all those years that the women I was attracted to didn't appear to be attracted to me. I was trying to get them to like me, as covered in Step 3. As a result, I was hopeless with at- tractive women. Learning to tease women playfully is the basis of flirting and attraction, and will make you much more fun and attractive to be around.
Women are much more perceptive than men at social interaction, so they will notice how you are treating the other women around you. If you are neglecting your female friends just because you don't find them sexually appealing, or if you are clearly trying to get into the panties of every girl who enters your peripheral vis- ion, women will notice. Women like to be put at ease. They're
What To Avoid
•Being a jerk
•Teasing women with low self-esteem •Being arrogant
SKILL 2: LEARN TO FLIRT 132
just like you really: they can't be themselves when they're all stressed out and up-tight, so they like a guy with whom they can relax. They don't like feeling awkward. They prefer the company of guys who make them feel comfortable without the pressure of a sexual agenda. The key to this is to be playful rather than sleazy.
Flirting and sex obviously go hand in hand to some extent, but don't expect a woman to be sexually available just because she enjoys flirting with you. On the other hand if you feel uncomfort- able flirting because you don't want to offend women by being sexually suggestive, you might need a reminder that women love sex. They just need to feel really comfortable in order to want to do it with you. The books My Secret Garden and Forbidden Flowers
by Nancy Friday will change the way you think about women and sex: they're full of real life female sexual fantasies written by women. They are a handy reminder that women enjoy sex too, that they want it to be fun and exciting, and that they want to be cherished, valued and respected in the process. Reading these will open your eyes to the way that many women actually feel about sex, what they want and how they want it.
That said, instead of treating women as target practice for your next sexual conquest, practice starting conversations with people you meet without having any agenda other than to get to know them and to brighten their day. Talk to men and women alike to practice your conversation skills of being fun and playful. Ask the people you sit next to at the bus stop how their day is going and where they are heading. Chat to people in elevators or in queues at the shopping mall. Talk to checkout operators or other people in the service industry with otherwise boring jobs, and see if you can make your interaction more fun and interesting for
SKILL 2: LEARN TO FLIRT 133
them. Get practice focusing on what other people are experien- cing and giving them what they want, rather than worrying about what you can get from them all the time.
134