El conceptualismo como lengua franca

I want you to embody Commanding Confidence. It is the kind of

confidence that cannot be shaken out of you from the outside. It grows

from your earned authority, basically from stuff you are doing. Dynamic growth and action-taking in your life.

You know what women hate? Small talk. This is big talk. Talk that enlarges her, that makes you feel bigger, badder, stronger.

What you want to avoid is being that boring guy who doesn’t know what to say after he says, “So what’s your name? Where are you from?”

Here are a few quick conversational starters or amp-uppers you can enact right away that grow out of earned Confidence. When you ACT, when you ARE of higher value rather than merely trying to demonstrate it, your authority and enthusiasm for life will naturally inform your conversation. In other words, you will have something powerful and meaningful to talk about –and that also makes you feel good when you talk about them. I’ve also given examples of the kinds of natural

responses women give and how that flows into natural conversation.

Conversation Value-Add Framer #1:

Here’s a template for amping up a conversation if you are expanding your understanding of women, relationships and yourself (note – this is a great subject. Women generally LOVE to talk about

relationships, more so than about say Guns, Steel and Germs.)

You: “So I’ve been reading this great book called “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps.” It shows how we have different brains but men and women are always blaming each other for being different. Like, women will say things like “if you really loved me, you’d know what I’m thinking.” But men actually don’t know. We haven’t developed intuition over the centuries…”

#1 Her: That’s so true! I knew this guy…. I have this girlfriend…

#2 Her: I can’t read maps!

#3 Her: lets get back to the Men Don’t Listen part! It sounds like a big fat excuse. Book was written by a guy, I’ll

bet! (it was written by a couple)

Conversation Value-Add Framer # 2

If you’ve pushed your edge and stepped into your fear (which you should do often and on a regular basis…)

You: “Sorry – I got distracted. I was just looking at that plane. Y’know about a month ago I did my first jump. Know why? Because it’s the single thing that scares the shit out of me more than anything.”

#1 Her: Wow, what was that like?

#2 Her: Cool – I did that last year. And just before, I ….

#3 Her: Awesome, that’s sexy

#4 Her: Awesome! Which jump site?

#1 You, following up: what’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?

#2 You, following: what something you secretly want to do but are scared to?

(this is s fun one, because it opens up her fantasy life – she may even go sexual)

Conversation Value-Add Framer # 3

If you’ve just completed any kind of admirable goal, clink up your glass…

You: “Give it here, we’re celebrating…”

(She will clink and also ask why she’s celebrating with you. Notice, it’s

“we’re celebrating, not “I’m” celebrating. This is how you include her in your circle. You do not say why until she asks…)

Her: What are we celebrating?

You: I just finished my first iron man competition…

Her: that’s awesome (thinking “this guy’s gotta got amazing thighs”)

You: I just helped my favorite niece move into her first apartment…

Her: that’s so sweet! (thinking: what a sweet helpful guy, I

`never meet guys like that)

You: Aww - she’s amazing. She just finished college and…

Note: a confident man doesn’t brag about himself – he praises the great qualities of others. In this way, you show you don’t need to bloviate about you, but you get the reflected glory by praising the people who are in your life and who clearly value you!

You : I just finished a charity ride – raised 20G for Breast Cancer research…

Her: Congratulations. That’s really awesome you did that.

My favorite aunt died of…

You: I’m so sorry. What was she like? Why was she your favorite – what were those qualities that made her so special to you?

You: I just finished my course on learning French Her: (naturally) – “Why are you learning French?

You: I’m going to ride through Provence/ I’m taking a chef’s course/ etc

The point here – whatever you are DOING in your life, you can lead her into conversation by inviting her into a celebration of it.

You take time to notice her…

Taking the same clinking of the glass situation at a cocktail party, bar, pub or even at a fast food place!

“Give it here, we’re celebrating…”

Her: What are we celebrating?

#1 You: Those bitchin’ boots/shoes (that she’s wearing)

#2 You: Friday – you look like you’re ready for the weekend

#3 You: Whoever it is who’s late or standing you up. I noticed you’ve been watching the door.

Notice in all of the above conversation starters, you’re not fishing for information about her. You’re not digging. You’re offering something up, and allowing her to reveal herself in the embrace of the personally relevant information you’re giving her.

In short – she is now inside the frame of your world.