El desfile

Do not think that style is something you need to be concerned about only when writing.

You may be a little more informal when speaking than when writing, but your style is nevertheless important if you are going to get your message across clearly.

EXERCISE 15

Identify the stylistic errors in the following letter.

BURGESS FINANCIAL SERVICES 4 Market House, Union Street Warchester, WR1 4ST

Tel. 01234 567890

24 October 20XX

Mr Stephen Morris 24 College Road Warchester WR2 3UV

Dear Mr Morris

This is to confirm my telephone conversation with you this morning regarding your request for a quote for car insurance.

I have taken on board your requirements and conducted a thorough investigation of all the options open to you, leaving no stone unturned and looking at all the policies on offer.

Attached are the details of the best policy I have been able to find for your needs. As I said on the phone, it provides all the standard cover you asked for. The downside is that in the event that you needed to utilise your vehicle for business travel you would need to take out a completely new policy.

If you are happy with the terms as outlined, I would be grateful if you could let me have your cheque for the first premium at your earliest convenience, so that provision can be made for cover as from the beginning of next month.

Yours sincerely

Martin Burgess

G the ampersand (&), also when it is part of an organisation’s name, as in Jones & Brown plc (but in all other cases use ‘and’)

You should avoid using ‘etc’. Your communication should be specific, and ‘etc.’ gives the impression that you do not know all the facts or are too lazy to give them. If the list of things you want to mention is too long, use ‘for example’ or ‘such as’, rather than ‘etc.’ So instead of ‘We need to discuss discount, payment terms, minimum order quantities, etc.’ you should say, ‘We need to discuss issues such as discount, payment terms and minimum, order quantities.’

Tone

Your tone is particularly important when speaking, as your audience can hear your tone.

For example, although you might be able to fake sincerity, firmness or enthusiasm when writing, it is very difficult to do so when speaking, so you must ensure that you really believe in what you are saying. Circumlocutions, too, give an even worse impression when spoken than when written – they sound pretentious. You should also avoid euphemisms; at best they also sound pretentious, and at worst they sound as though you are trying to mislead your audience.

You might get away with vague qualifiers like ‘good’ or ‘nice’ because your audience can ask you to clarify your point, but they nevertheless give the impression that you are not clear in your own mind about exactly what you mean. You might be able to use the occasional word or sentence that can be misunderstood for the same reason. But if you do this too often your communication will become disjointed as you constantly have to stop to clarify what you mean, and you will appear vague and ill-prepared.

The only aspect of achieving the right tone that is really acceptable in spoken English, therefore, is the use of padding. This enables you to gather your thoughts, and gives your audience an opportunity to absorb what you have said so far. However, it should not be carried too far, as it could make your communication unnecessarily long.

Words

As with your tone, you need to pay almost as much attention to the words you use when speaking as you do when writing. Of course, you can be more conversational and infor-mal, as we have seen, but not at the expense of clarity, brevity and directness. So although you might introduce the occasional colloquialism, you should still avoid jargon;

like some of the aspects of tone we discussed above, it can sound pretentious without adding anything to what you are saying. Abstract nouns should be avoided where possi-ble for the same reason – ‘The processing of your order is being attended to with all due speed’ sounds awfully pretentious when what you actually mean is ‘We are processing your order as quickly as possible.’

Tautology might be acceptable in certain circumstances, as another way of giving you a breathing space while you gather your thoughts. But if it is used too often it becomes irritating to the audience, and of course it makes you sound long-winded. Clichés, also, might occasionally be of use – they can help you to keep talking while you consider how to express your next statement. But they should be used sparingly, otherwise you will begin to sound as though you cannot think of anything original to say.

Tips on Speaking Clearly

G Make notes of what you want to say, including particular words and phrases that might clarify your points.

G Go over those notes before you begin to speak so that you have a good idea of what you are going to say and how you are going to say it.

G Have your notes with you when you speak to help you in case you are stuck.

G Speak slowly and in a clear voice.

G Do not ‘waffle’; you should be brief and to the point, as you are when writing.

G When involved in a conversation, confirm at particular points that you have understood what the other person has said so far. And do not pretend to understand something you do not.

G Indicate by your tone of voice the impression you are trying to convey – apologetic, concilia-tory, firm, enthusiastic.

G Always be polite – even if the other person is rude, do not allow yourself to be drawn into a slanging match.

G Pause at appropriate moments in order to break up what you are saying and give your audi-ence an opportunity to ask questions.