Diseño

Even under stressful circumstances, or when you are feeling tired or sick, be as consistent and reliable in your interactions with your children as you can.

WHY? Your children will learn to feel safe in the knowledge that they know how you are likely to think, feel and react to something. Feeling safe and confident in their ‘world’ (you), allows them to put basic life stressors into the background and allows them to focus on other aspects of their development. Attachment theorists (a branch of developmental psychology) believe that this leads to ‘secure’

attachment styles, and is more likely to facilitate secure relationship patterns for your children in the future.

Firm and consistent boundaries are not only important for the safety and welfare of your child, but also for you. WHY? It is just as important to demonstrate that you have respect for yourself by meaning ‘no’ when you say it, as it is to teach your child about what is right and what is wrong. Now that doesn’t mean that you are never negotiable or never open to another opinion.

But it does mean that you will not let anyone, including your child, walk all over you. In doing so, you show your child that you can look after yourself (some children feel that they have to take the parental role), and demonstrate to them how to protect themselves. Boundaries when fair and reasonable tend to help children feel safe and cared for.

And now for the good bits...

Allow time for unstructured play and exploration – for you and them! In the experience of play, children learn to explore, understand the world around them, and experience the extent and limits of their physicality and power. WHY? They get to imagine and play with possibilities as well as understanding the consequences of what they do. Sometimes that may involve getting hurt (ie hurting their knee climbing a fence), but more often it involves amazing new experiences. They learn about time and attention in putting something together and managing destructiveness in knocking something down. Play is the source of a growing capacity for creativity. If you can, find the child within you, and come out to play with your child (it’s a great excuse) – and give them plenty of time to play alone too.

Children learn best by example. In particular: respect for others (your acceptance of them), acceptance of imperfections whilst building on strengths (acknowledge when you get it wrong, and show how you intend to remedy the situation), identifying and overcoming limitations (supporting them through challenges and difficulties) and most importantly, respect, love and acceptance of oneself.

Last, but by no means least, make a space to love and be loved. In such a busy society, this basic tenet of life can easily be overlooked. In our rush to be

‘the best parent we can be’, the best partner or employee or business person we can be, we tick off all the technical boxes of things we should do, whilst too often overlooking that which makes life worth living. WHY? Monetary abundance and providing your children with every material thing and every opportunity is unlikely to bring you, or them, the happiness you expect if you are unable to give and receive love. It is just as important for your child to feel you can receive their love (through your actions and direct communications), as it is for them to feel loved by you.

When it is not so easy...

So what if you are struggling with any of the above? Well chances are you either missed similar interactions with your own parents and/or you have had some other life experience/s along the way to parenthood that has left you exhausted, fearful, traumatised or cut off...But don’t worry, if you are then you are certainly not alone, in fact you may well be in the majority of parents.

So what can you do?

1. Remind yourself (and others) of those areas of parenting that you are good at and enjoy – build on those.

2. Find a parenting mentor - someone that you can comfortably talk to and who will respectfully listen – without judgement and without interference. They should facilitate your development as a parent – not focus on weaknesses, nor dictate how to be a parent nor take over the parenting themselves.

3. Create a local ‘village’ - people and places that you and your children can feel known by, who form part of your ‘neighbourhood’ and can be there for back up and support when needed. This can include a virtual neighbourhood when insufficient local resources are available.

4. Rely on your intuition. If the latest fad or parenting ‘must do’ or ‘must have’ doesn’t feel right for you or your children – it probably isn’t.

5. Allow time for yourself (if you possibly can). I know it sounds corny, but any time you spend on your own growth and development (or even relaxation for the chronically exhausted) can translate into more enjoyable parenting experiences, and happier and emotionally healthier children.

come to terms with some inevitable limitations. Asking for help is never wrong. We accept that we need mentors, coaches and teachers in our workplaces, hobbies and sports – yet somehow expect parenting to ‘just happen’.

Perhaps if you have been struggling with parenting issues for a while you may be wondering if it is too late to begin now. If you and your child are still open and available to change and development, then change is still possible. Some people go through a mid life crisis to attend to aspects of their youth or childhood that remain unresolved. Child therapists will tell you that one of the most important ingredients for successful childhood development is the parent. So, working on yourself to feel better about you and how you relate as a parent, will create a wealth of parenting enjoyment and rewards.

It is the ‘Law of Attraction’ in action, in the most important job there is – parenting. The emotional development, balance, love, care and involvement that you bring to parenting brings rewards that make it – potentially – the best investment there could be for ourselves, our children and for the future.

http://www.naturallyparents.com

Action Box

1. Remind yourself about what you do well 2. Accept your child’s uniqueness

3. Rely on your intuition

4. Create a local village, including a parenting mentor 5. Learn how to receive love as well as give it

6. Recognise that your nurturing, growth and development can also support your children

About the Author

Cath Resnick is a mother and psychotherapist. When, as a young parent, she sought information and resources to assist her in the task of parenting, she found plenty of information about WHAT to do but very little information about WHY.

Without the WHY, Cath never felt empowered to critically appraise what was right for her and her family in the environment and circumstances they found themselves in. Later, when she began training as a psychotherapist, Cath finally found ideas, concepts and applications about the WHY of parenting, which made sense of her earlier struggle and validated the concerns she intuitively held as a parent. As she continued in psychotherapy practice, she found other parents struggling with similar issues and adults whose suffering may have been avoided if their well meaning and/or struggling parents had the opportunity to learn some very basic principles. What she found difficult to reconcile was why she had to become a psychotherapist to learn how to be a parent.

Cath passionately believes in sharing the wisdom of experience and personal insight gained through parenting. In doing so she believes you will feel more empowered in your capacity as parent and better able to embrace the joy and pleasure of parenting and living.

As parents, we create future. http://www.naturallyparents.com

Special offer

I am so passionate about improving the future for our children and sharing knowledge to empower parents that I have put together a free guide: "The Secret of Empowered Parenting." Download your copy now at:

http://www.wonderfullawofattraction.com/gifts Disclaimer:

The information on this chapter is made available for information purposes only. It is not intended to be comprehensive on all matters of emotional development or parenting and is not intended to be a substitute for professional healthcare advice, support, diagnosis or treatment.

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