Some of the participants cited the role of stepmother as one of the reasons why fathers opt to stay away from their daughters. The role of stepmothers, although not directly studied in this research, also came to the fore with stepmothers being portrayed as stumbling blocks hindering the relationship between the fathers and their daughters. The participants in the study indicated that they tended not to have good relationships with their stepmothers. One of the reasons given was that stepmothers often feel threatened by their stepdaughters. The inability of stepmothers and stepdaughters to establish a healthy relationship is seen as one of the major reasons why stepmothers exert pressure on fathers and force them to choose between the stepmother (father’s wife) and the daughters (father’s biological children).
Unfortunately, the majority of fathers choose their wives and neglect their children. However, there are always two sides to every story and, thus, it is important for future research to try to understand the dynamics between stepmothers and their stepdaughters. Further to this, the participants in the study felt that their stepmothers perceived them as a bigger threat to their relationships as they feared that the father may reconcile with the mother as a result of the daughter’s influence. This is another result that requires further inquiry.
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Modiegi describes her stepmother as the reason why her father had stopped being involved in her life.
Modiegi: “Apparently after his wife found out my father had an older child they got married soon after … I tried to have a relationship with his wife, but she was pretending.
You could see she felt as though I am going to take her space because, once the family found out about me, they gave me a lot of attention.”
Nielson (2012) claims that once fathers remarry, they often try to foster a relationship between their new wives and their daughters. If they fail in this endeavour they feel discouraged, despondent and frustrated. In addition, a failure to foster this relationship normally leaves fathers caught between their desire to have healthy relationships with their daughters while, simultaneously, trying to strengthen the bonds with their new wives and children. In the main, the failure to establish these bonds leads to fights between the stepmother and the stepchild, thus putting the father in the awkward position of having to choose a side.
Relebogile: “So my stepmother and I don’t get along, so most of the time I go to my father’s place, we end up fighting, and my father would obviously take her side and not mine. So I ended up feeling like my dad doesn’t care about me.”
The participants believed that, whenever a conflict arose between them and their stepmothers, the fathers are compelled to choose a side and, in their experience, the fathers tend to choose the stepmother’s side over that of his daughter.
5.10 Conclusion
The participants in the study expressed their deep need to form close bonds with their biological fathers. Even in instances where a social father was available the need to have a biological father present still resonated. Many of the participants had either never met their fathers or had met them for brief periods in their lives only and they expressed the wish that this could have been longer.
Certain of the participants felt that it would have been easier to discuss certain issues with
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their fathers rather than with their mothers and, thus, most of them blamed the direction their lives had taken on the fathers who had left. The participants mentioned it is easier to discuss topics such as how to treat boys, how to be romantically involved with boys and how to know when a boy is truly in love with you with fathers as opposed to mothers. Of all the participants of this study only one participant admitted to having a child out of wedlock and, in her view, this could have been avoided if a father had been present in the household to offer support, care and advice.
The role played by stepmothers and social fathers also came under scrutiny during interviews.
Stepmothers have the potential and ability to becoming a stumbling block between children and their fathers. Some of the participants blamed the father absence on their stepmothers.
One the participants narrated how the arrival of her stepmother took her father away. While the other believed that her stepmother felt threaten by her relationship with her father. Whether these observation by the participants are accurate or not, is a construct that needs further investigation. However, it is apparent that participants’ feelings of their stepmothers are a stumbling block that restricts a healthy father-daughter relationship.
On the other hand, the role of social fathers is one that cannot be ignored. Social fathers play an important role in the lives of the children. Most of the participants in this study could relate to this concept, when asked about who played this role in their lives, participants cited maternal and paternal uncles and grandfathers, stepfathers and older brothers. However, it has become clear that the mere presence of social father, though beneficial, does not fill the void left by a biological father. However, some of the participants note an honest and genuine attempt by their social fathers to fill the void that their biological fathers left, while others felt abused and attacked by their social fathers. Some participants shared the verbal and sometimes physical abuse they suffered at the hands of their social fathers.
However, the challenges encountered by the young women in this study are in line with a recent study conducted in South Africa by researchers among others (Eddy et al. 2013; Nduna et al. 2012; Khewu et al. 2015). This study has also revealed the important role that the social
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father plays in the lives of daughters whose biological fathers are absent. The positive roles social fathers assume include, among other, providing support to the mothers, showing love and care to the children and providing emotional and financial support.
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Chapter 6: Conclusion
6.1. Introduction
This concluding chapter revisits the problem statement, the research methodology used and demographics of the participants. In addition, the chapter briefly outlines the main findings of the study as well as the strengths and limitations of the study. Finally, recommendations for future research are made.