7.1 INTRODUCTION
This chapter deals with the arrangements for the selection of grooms for brides with special reference to the procedure for locating prospective grooms, criteria of selection, space and selection, decision makers in the selection, the opinion of women about the decision makers, and the nature of ceremonies leading to marriage. In particular, answers will be sought for the questions. (1) What is the procedure for marriage arrangements? (2) Have there been changes in marriage arrangements over the years, and what are the reasons f° r the changes? (3) Where are the changes in marriage arrangements leading to? and (4) What will be the implications of changes in marriage arrangements?
An indepth understanding of the issues listed above is necessary to understand the marriage pattern in societies where marriages are not contracted by individuals but by their parents and relatives and where a single fault committed by either of the parties would not only jeopardise the marriage of that child but also would lead to continued enmity between the families and an irreparable break-down in social relations.
Despite their importance, the facets of marriage arrangements are the most neglected and least explored areas of the relatively less understood subject of nuptiality (Jones, 1978 citted in Ramabhadran, 1987: 1). In pert this situation is a consequence of the limitations of the empirical techniques of social science (Hull, 1988: 1) as the vision of demographers is restricted by the boundaries of what can be accurately measured (Caldwell et al., 1984) and in pert has probably been caused by the difficulties in collecting the data on sensitive issues such as marriage arrangements and decisions.
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One of the advantages of the micro-demographic technique is that it not only enables a researcher to collect qualitative data for issues which are enormously difficult to measure quantitatively but it also brings the researcher close to the study population and therefore helps to obtain the data on even the most personal issues without offending the respondent. Quite often respondents feel offended by questions on their personal life and make it very difficult for a researcher to collect the required information. Sharma (1986: 165-166) encountered this situation as her question - "How was your marriage arranged?" - was arrogantly answered by one of the respondents:
When I got married it was all done by my relations. I knew nothing about it. It was not like it is in some families today where the girl picks and chooses according to her own fancy (Sharma, 1986:165).
I adopted a dual approach to collect data on marriage arrangements and asked the questions to women married into the village as well as parents of daughters married out from the village. The interviews of parents were conducted on the assumption that some of the women might have been too young at the time of their marriage and therefore have no knowledge of the way their marriage was arranged and thus probably would report their marriage arrangements incorrectly.
7.2 LOCATING A PROSPECTIVE GROOM AND BEGINNING MATRIMONIAL NEGOTIATIONS - PROCEDURE OF MATE SELECTION
The inquiry about how the marriage of a woman was arranged was launched by discussions with women married into the village cluster. Similar questions were also asked to the parents living in the study village cluster who arranged the marriages of their daughters.
In a system of arranged marriages, marriage is arranged by the couple's parents and not by the boy and girl to be married (Goode, 1963; Kapadia, 1966; Ross, 1961). Parents launch a search for a groom with the help of a wide-spread network of social relations, friends, and sometimes newspaper advertisements and
marriage agencies (Das, 1980: 187-200). While newspaper advertisements and marriage agencies are the modern ways of finding mates, they are also associated with the population living in urban areas and belonging to the educated strata of the society who frequently read newspapers. Due to the lack of transportation and relative isolation, the only way to locate a groom in rural areas is either to move out of the village (residents of a village either have affinal ties or they belong to exogamous caste groups) and find suitable partners for children, or accept the help of the network of relatives and friends. A person can also talk about his requirements for a groom for his daughter at smoking circles and in the work place, while sometimes a person asks his fellow villagers for a helping hand. The following are a few examples of the ways of locating grooms in Himachali villages:
The groom for Santu (an uneducated woman) was not arranged by her parents. Matku's father was working as a labourer in Santu's parents' village. He asked her father to marry Santu to his son, named Matku, and in return offered 300 rupees as bride-price.
Parents and relatives of Parvati (a girl with high-school education) searched for a groom for at least six months. It took them another six months to finalize the marriage negotiation with the groom's family. There were at least eight people involved in locating the groom.
Dasi married Dharma's son in 1951. Her maternal uncle (Mahidhar) was approached by Dharma for the marriage of his son to Dasi. Dharma's khandan was known to Mahidhar. Mahidhar asked Dasi's father (Kalmu) for the matrimonial alliance, and he agreed to the suggestion and marriage took place.
There also are some other ways to find a proper groom and initiate the matrimonial negotiations. In Himachali villages, the girls' parents in association with their relatives as well as the boys’ parents are the most important initiators of matrimonial negotiations and negotiations initiated by couples themselves are almost negligible (Table 7.1).
Although the pattern of the initiators of matrimonial negotiations is apparent, there is inconsistency in the responses of ever-married women and parents of
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ever-married daughters. As reported, 37 per cent of matrimonial negotiations of ever-married women and 18 per cent of negotiations of ever-married daughters were initiated by their parents while the negotiations of 18 per cent of ever-married women and 36 per cent of ever-married daughters were initiated by their relatives. However, if we add the categories of parents and relatives together then we find about 55 per cent of negotiations for both ever-married women and ever-married daughters were initiated by their parents and relatives. These figures suggest that the assumption about the error in the reporting of ever-married women is valid and indicates the relatively reliable reporting of parents. This seems to be because of the involvement of parents in the decision making process. In cases where negotiations were initiated by the groom's family, there was inconsiderable difference between women and daughters.
Table 7.1: Percentage of ever-married women and percentage of ever-married daughters according to matrimonial negotiators in Himachali villages, 1988.
Matrimonial Negotiators
Ever-Married Women Ever-Married Daughters
Parents 37.3 18.8 Relatives 18.3 36.4 Groom's Family and Kin-group 43.8 40.0 Self 0.6 4.8 N 338 135
Source: Calculated by the author from The Shimla Village Survey: First Marriage History of Ever-Married Women; and Marriage History of Ever-Married Daughters, 1988.
It is quite apparent in the above description that matrimonial negotiations in Himachali villages are initiated by the bride's parents as well as by the groom's parents. There arises a question as to whether there has been any change in the pattern of the matrimonial negotiations over the years.
The data in Table 7.2 give an affirmative response to the above question and show that a transition in the initiation of matrimonial negotiation is underway from groom's parents to bride's parents. Such a change in the party of initiator for the search for a mate seems part of what Caldwell et al. (1989: 275-290) called 'multi- phasic response'. In other words a shift in the initiator for the search for a groom has emerged due to changes in the qualities of potential mates, particularly schooling of girls, as well as the availability of potential mates, changes in the economic status of families and their social linkages, and relative value of women’s labour.
The single most important phenomenon that seems to have shifted who initiates the matrimonial negotiation is the schooling of girls. Parents of educated daughters choose only equally well educated or more educated grooms for their daughters to maintain their position in the society and also to extend their network of relatives with those who are equal or slightly better in terms of education and socio-economic status. Some parents feared a deterioration in their position in the society if they were to marry their primary-school-educated daughter to an uneducated groom. As one of the parents, Ganeshu, reported:
You can't give your primary school educated daughter to an angutha- chhap (one who does not know how to read and write and even for his signature uses a thumb impression). What will relatives say and how will we face the whispering around the village...? Some people would say that if I was to give my daughter to an angutha-chhap then I should not have sent her to school while some would say that there must be some kho t(bad character) in my daughter so I wanted to get rid of her.
Since parents choose the groom, they have to look for him. As mentioned by another parent, Khiwan:
If you need a good groom you have to look for him.... A good groom's family does not come to you; rather you have to approach first.... There are not many educated boys and good families easily available. So we have to find one, and for this we have to enquire widely.
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Table 7.2: Percentage of ever-married women and percentage of ever-married daughters according to matrimonial initiators and marriage cohort, Himachali villages, 1988.
Year of Matrimonial Initiators
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