CAPITULO II LA INTELIGENCIA EMOCIONAL
2.1.1 Evolución del Cerebro
Type B listening is listening below the water level. It is focused on understanding what extra information the other person holds that could be helpful to the conversation, which they may not articulate. Type B listening happens when we shift our attention from understanding content and look instead for evidence of:
g the energy the person is showing and how it changes as they talk
g the beliefs they hold about themselves
g the values they are displaying
g the emotion that surrounds the content of what they are saying
g the personality clues that are revealed in what they say
g the atmosphere that is present as they speak
g the information that their body is offering.
All of us are Type B listeners, it is simply that it gets driven underground by what we learn about organizational behaviour.
C
ASES
TUDYOliver is a totally task-driven manager who is so intent on delivering goals that he pays little attention to social niceties. When he is told that he needs to show more empathy to his staff, he is perplexed. He claims he doesn’t notice what is happening for other people, so he is genuinely surprised when he hears that they are demotivated or dissatisfied. His coach challenges him on his assertion that he does not notice what is happening with other people and asks him to identify anything he has noticed about the coach during the session. He says that he notices that they look more relaxed than in the previous session; that they have more energy and that they seem more interested in what he is saying. His observations were 100 per cent accurate and the coach congratulated him on his observational skills. He shrugged them aside ‘Well, yes, but what do I do with that information?’.
Oliver’s response was an honestly confused one. He noticed things but he did not know what to do with the information because he did not feel that it had any value. He knew how to feed back to staff that they had not delivered work to the standards he expected, but he did not know how to feed back that he noticed they seemed dejected by his feedback. His view was that using the observation was something that would slow down the process of getting the work done.
Oliver is not alone in seeing Type B listening as an interference to dealing with content, but he is wrong. When we are looking to help staff raise their performance Type B listening can be the shortcut to getting to the solution. The other great gift of Type B listening is that it does not require you to think of smart questions, it simply asks you to notice and to test out your observations.
C
ASES
TUDYSonia was in the identified talent pool of a telecoms company. She had always delivered on tough challenges, but her motivation had collapsed following organizational changes. She was now being seen as under-performing and the organization offered her the chance to get back on track through some external coaching. The coaching quickly established that the conditions she needed to do her best work were no longer on offer and the issue became how and when to exit. She started to explore options and quickly came back with two possibilities. One had a strong link with her established skills and involved working in another large plc.
The other was an opportunity to join a small organization where she could make a big impact but the risks were much higher. As a single parent, she did not know if she could take that risk. She spent the session going backwards and forwards in a SWOT analysis of the two possibilities.
The coach said little as she practised the arguments for and against each case without prompting. The coach did not even listen that closely to the content, but she did observe. Finally, she commented, ‘I notice every time you talk about the small start up your energy level goes up’.
Sonia leapt at the observation in agreement. Very rapidly she made the decision that she would go for the more risky option. What the coach had offered her in the observation was permission to listen to the stronger voice within her, and to trust it. The SWOT analysis revealed her thinking
self, but committing to a decision came from having her motivations reflected back to her, as reflected in the way her energy levels went up and down.
Listening for Type B information releases the coach from the need to be clever.
It simply asks that you listen closely with all your senses and test out your observations. It does not even matter if your observations are wrong, because the other person will correct you.
Content Listening
They agree with you and then talk about how they feel they are not leading the team
Or
They correct you – it’s not sadness, it’s and allows for a discussion of what they are or are not responsible for in meetings Or
They challenge the idea of being responsible, which allows the coach to ask about what they do believe about themselves in person to be open about what carrying a job share partner is like for them Or
They feed back that that is how they normally sit, but they now know that the coach is focused on them, which will encourage more openness
Listening Type A
Figure 5.3 Different interpretations depending on which type of listening you are using
No one type of listening is better than the other. Type A listening used alone brings a quality to the discussion that is absent from most conversations at work. Type B listening asks that you take a risk – that you move beyond being the skilled content listener; that you forget about asking questions and give focused attention to the other person. By giving that focus you will know when a Type A intervention is appropriate, and when to bring in an observation from your Type B repertoire. Type B listening, used alone, would risk encouraging disclosure without a focus on outcome. Type A listening used alone can miss identifying what is really causing the difficulty, so that actions are agreed but not implemented. Put together, they provide the means of getting to meaningful outcomes quickly. and allows them to talk about what is important to them about not letting people down Or
The observation is challenged, ‘Sometimes you have to let people down’, and allows them to define more closely where they feel they can and cannot say ‘No’ to focus on the effect on them of being drained of energy, before then identifying when they feel more energized
Or
They dismiss the idea of having energy drained have been holding on to, and which blocks them from seeing anything of value happening to them at work
Figure 5.3 Continued
Selecting between which type of listening is most relevant at any moment asks that the Manager Coach is constantly asking themselves, ‘What is my purpose in asking this question, or offering this feedback?’. The concept of purpose from the coach’s perspective is different from that of the coachee. For a coach any intervention is made with the purpose of enabling the speaker to understand more clearly. For the coach, purpose provides a compass point for listening.
How does the question serve the purpose of the conversation, as distinct from my own curiosity?
When I first began coaching, I was fortunate to work with a number of people who worked for well-known public figures. Fuelled by celebrity voyeurism I would find myself asking questions in order to feed my own curiosity, rather than in order to help their thinking. My questions were of no help to my coaching client since they already had plenty of information on their boss. It was only when I concentrated on client purpose that my focus in listening moved to where it needed to be.
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XERCISE1
Before applying your Type B listening skills you need to recognize that you have them. The next time you are in a meeting where your input is not critical, use the time to listen to the Type B information you are receiving.
Do this by focusing on one or two people in the room (the most vociferous and the quietest).
In Type B mode listen to what they reveal.
g Changes in their body language as the meeting progresses.
g Shifts in their energy levels and what this relates to in the content of the discussion.
g Personality clues in the interventions they make.
g Values that are shown by the way they interact with others.
Sense also the atmosphere in the room and any changes you note as the meeting progresses.
Afterwards check out with someone else in the room (someone you know well) how they think the meeting went. They will focus on the content, because they will assume that is what you would expect). Surprise them by sounding out with them some of your own Type B observations and see
the effect. They will not necessarily have noticed the same things as you, but you can be sure they will have done some Type B listening.
Discuss with them what could have been different if some of that Type B listening had been brought into the room.
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XERCISE2
Once you are confident that you are a Type B listener then experiment with slipping a Type B comment into a work conversation, and notice what happens. Does the conversation move in a different way as a result of your observation? Does the individual use it to agree and build on your feedback? Do they disagree and correct?
Summary
This has been a long chapter because the Set Up stage of a coaching conversation is the most important. If you get the foundations right, then the rest of the conversation flows more easily. In order to get those foundations right you need to:
g Observe rather than scan your staff so that you can identify a coaching opportunity.
g Establish the purpose of the conversation without putting pressure on the premature identification of goals.
g Be comfortable with the purpose.
g Listen with intent through using the core Type A skills of attention, clarification, reflection, summarizing and empathy.
g Listen with intent through using the added-value Type B skills of listening for body information, energy, emotion, personality, values and beliefs.
g Move between the two modes of listening in response to what is appropriate to the purpose of the conversation.
References
1. Whitmore, J. (2002) Coaching for Performance. Nicholas Brearley.
2. Greene, J. and Grant, A.B. (2003) Solution-Focused Coaching. Pearson Education.
3. Ibarra, H. (2004) Working Identity. Harvard Business School Press.
4. Locke, E. (1999) Motivation through conscious goal setting. Applied and Preventative Psychology, 5 (2), 117–24.
5. Hammond, S.A. and Mayfield, A.B. (2004) The Thin Book of Naming Elephants. Thin Book Publishing.
6. Covey, S. (2004) The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press.
7. O’Connor, J. (2001) NLP Workbook. Element.
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Tangibles
In giving time to the Set Up phase of the conversation, the coach is showing that they are offering support for the other’s thoughts, and that the agenda is in their hands. In moving the conversation forward the coach continues to show that support, but they have to do more if the other person is to be helped to change.
The coach needs to enable them to examine their situation and the tangibles they have attached to it. In this way, they are able to discover if there are other tangibles they have overlooked in their telling of their story. In Einstein’s words,
‘Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one’. The Manager Coach offers the opportunity to discover alternative realities.
This means moving from the rapport-building listener to the listener whose purpose is to wipe the steam off the mirror, so that the other person can see themselves and their situation more clearly. When a member of staff tells of a difficulty they are facing, they will have told the story to themselves many times. It will have been crafted into a final version that is crystallized in their mind. The task of the coach is to unfreeze that version so that they have the opportunity to look at it from another perspective, and in so doing be able to find a viewpoint from which solutions can emerge.
The skill base of the coach now has to expand, accessing abilities to challenge the other’s thoughts, because in so doing they will make available to the other person more information than they currently hold.