At the heart of family socialization experiences are family relationships and the bonds that are formed as a result. Family relationships that are forged within the family, particularly, the patterns of family functioning, interactions, intimacy, and composition, highlight the importance of individuality and connectedness. Connectedness is reflected by mutuality (seen in an individual’s sensitivity to and respect for the views of others) and permeability (openness and responsiveness to the views of others) and thus it is these kinds of patterns that give rise to explanations that link to youth gangs and delinquency.
The participants were asked to “tell me what it was like growing up in your family?” and drew on childhood and adolescent memories to provide a sense of who they were closer to and who did they trust more in their family and why. Their indication of those they were the closest to and trusted more revealed the level of family bonding and connectedness participants had with their families. They shared they were either close to their parents or parent (section 4.1.1) or an older sibling (section 4.1.2). As I listened to their explanations I began to see and understand what their socialization experience in the family home was like and compared it with my own experiences as a Samoan.
4.1.1 Parents
The findings indicate that gang members were not close to and trusting of both parents but one particular parent in their family. Their childhood bonding was formed with one parent and continued through to adolescence and adulthood. This is true for most of the participants but not for a few who shifted their trust to another parent or to a sibling (see 4.1.2) during their life course and development.
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By far the family member that most gang members were closest to was their mother, although it was expressed in various ways. For example, it is interesting to note how several gang members behaved one way in front of their gang peers and another way toward their mothers when they were at home. These gang members, like Rasik, were well behaved at home because they did not want their mothers to see their gang persona; instead they wanted their mothers to see them as one of the sons in the family; loving, caring, humble and respectful. Generally such behaviour may be perceived as deceptive but the fact is, it is sign of respect and a Samoan cultural value.
“I’m close to my mom not really my dad....I just like how she lectures me and stuff. Even though I’m in a gang, when I’m at home I show respect yeah like the Samoan way yeah. Cos when I’m at home I just show respect not swear around them, but when I’m on the streets then I do the stuff that’s for the streets.”
(Rasik)
Most participants trusted their mothers and depended on their support immensely, even if their mothers informed the police of their whereabouts when they were evading police. In general most participants continued to value their mothers over their fathers and any other family member. For example, Gypsy is closer to his mother because she has always been there for him even when he has broken the law she is non-judgemental and continues to do things for him even if it means she gets into trouble as well.
“Fuck, my mom’s been there to all my court cases that’s the only face that I’ve always seen...like she knows that I was like gaoi (a thief) and that, fuck, she doesn’t like it, she even like ring the leoleo (the police) you know... then always came and visit me every weekend with my cigarettes, snuck it in...” (Gypsy)
Most of the gang members were not close to their fathers (biological father or step-father) because of a lack of attention, poor treatment
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(including of other family members), and at times unapproachable. Several gang members wanted to have a relationship with their father that it was like they had a best friend where they can share anything openly with their father and hang out.
Some gang members were not close to their fathers because they showed more affection to other siblings and when they do engage with their teenage children it was only when they wanted something. This was the case for Aomas who reacted by disrespecting his father through swearing and answering at him back and being difficult.
“Cos he always getting money from my older brother, even when I was working he never asked me for money, and then somehow once my brother got locked up that’s when everything changed, that’s when he started being a dickhead…I just be straight up with him and just swear at him.”(Aomas)
However a few gang members did say that they were close to their birth- fathers or step-fathers. For those who were close to their fathers there was a range of reasons such as how they handled stress and how they were flexible and understanding. According to B-Red he was close to his father because he liked the way he was laid-back, easy-going, and quiet mannered especially when he was stressed. He remembers his father’s advice that it is best to avoid trouble by steering away from it and to keep his personal problems to himself. For B-Red seeing his father live up to his advice appealed to him and he admired his father for setting a good example.
“…I’m closer to my dad...he’s kick back...he’s not a loud person, he’s quiet. He’s another person who keeps his problems to himself. That’s probably where I’ve got it. Ever since I knew my dad he’s quiet.” (B-Red)
Another gang member, B-Ware, said he was close to his father because his father allowed him to drink alcohol and use marijuana at home. He said
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his father felt it was a waste of time to keep young people away from alcohol and drugs because they can access it anytime and from anyone. This strategy also kept B-Ware safe at home and kept him out of trouble. So for B-Ware his father did not put any restrictions or limits on him, his father trusted him and this was reciprocated by B-Ware out of respect.
“My old man…we’re real tight aye (very close), like he’s the one that allow me to drink to smoke, yeah, cos my old man doesn’t smoke but he’s a dak
(marijuana) smoker…” (B-Ware)
4.1.2 Older siblings
Some gang members like Dust commented that they were not close to either of their parents but to one of their older siblings. For example, Dust admired his older sister for the way she controlled and ran the household in the absence of his parents who were both working. She was the one who he listened to and respected because in return he received a lot of attention from his older sister particularly in his schoolwork and when she played with him. He behaved himself in front of his sister but not so much for his parents but when his older sister moved out to start her own family he lost the influence that kept him out of trouble.
“Probably my sister…she’s got a good job at the moment, got her own family, she’s doing good yeah I go visit her and she’s got her own pad, she still…keeps the family together...she was like the one that was controlling us getting us to get up early in the morning just to do some feaus (duties) yeah that was her, I respected her and faalogo (listened). I was all good at the time.” (Dust)
Although Rasik was closer to his mother he was also close to his older brother as well. When I asked him why, he pointed to things that can only be best described as negative influences like introducing him to alcohol, drugs, how to fight, how to get girlfriends, and how to live the gang life. He was aware that his older brothers were teaching him wrong things but it was difficult for him to separate-out the negative things because it was
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his brother, a family member, not a stranger or a friend. So he did not care if he was learning the wrong things from his older brothers, as far as he was concerned he received more love and understanding from them rather than his parents. As Rasik puts it,
“...I’m close to my brother that’s inside (in jail) cos he’s pretty much the person that got me into gangs…we used to have a lot of his boys over to my house, drink, rep their colours and I just looked at him I just wanna be just like you when I’m older...” (Rasik)
The difference between those who were closer to older sisters from those who were closer to their older brothers seems to be related to the participant’s position in the family and family composition. Just over half of the participants (136 out of 25) are either the youngest or in the middle of their sibling rank. In other words a total of 8 have older sisters and 5 have older brothers but the older sister was whom the participants (the youngest or in the middle) was closest to more than their older brothers. Even if the brothers were older than the sisters, the sisters would still be ranked as the one that participants were closest to and trusted more. So some participants like Dust and Agitate were closer to their older sisters, while others like B-Real and Radle were closer to their older brothers because their older sisters were perceived to be surrogate mothers while older brothers were seen to be best friends.
In Agitate’s case, the reason why he said he was close to his older sister was because she always had time for him, she listened to his problems and gave advice, she was reliable and dependable, and she always kept him connected to the family particularly when he would be away from home for long periods spending it with his gang.
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The other 12 participants are made up of the following: 5 participants are the oldest sibling and have one younger brother; 4 participants are the only child; and 3 participants are adopted. Being the oldest sibling meant that one of the parents was whom they bonded with, the same with participants who were the only child or adopted in the family except for one adopted participant who looked up to his older step-brother.
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“Nah, my sister,…I always talk to my sister about everything, even when I got locked up the first time always ring her, always rely on her to like come give me a ride, to keep in touch with what was going on in the family and she’s always the one that’s telling me to stop.” (Agitate)
For B-Real, he listened in to his brothers talking about their crimes and remembers how they boasted about their adventures, how they planned and carried out their crimes and got away with it, and how they talked about the gang they were members of and how much this group meant to them. All these things that B-Real remembered was locked away in his psyche at a very early age and carried through to his childhood and adolescent life.
“...my brothers were into that gang stuff too, I was like four years old…they always talk about bloods… I can see the tagging at the back of my house… I was shoplifting and that aye, cos I used to hear my brothers and that talk about it… stuck in my head and that, must be gang stuff so I’m gonna go do that too…got my first taste of bud (marijuana) when I was twelve, I saw the houses that my brothers go to, I’ll go with my friends over there too, scored a foil (marijuana wrapped up in tin foil, which is one way of buying it), got the money from chip- ins everyone five dollars each, we couldn’t roll (marijuana into a cigarette) we
were always on the can (marijuana was smoked through a soft drink can).” (B-
Real)
In Radle’s case, his oldest brother is still a gang member while, at the same time, raising a family, which is something that he looks up to. For Radle, since all of his brothers were involved in gangs he chose this pathway because he saw his role was to continue his brothers legacy who founded the Samoan gang called “B62” (Blood 1962 – the year Samoa gained independence from foreign rule).
“My older brother is B62, still today but family man at the same time like he knows his limits but he still always 62. He’ll never leave it and my second oldest he was in a gang…he’s like a normal person now and my third oldest he was a
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Overall there is a clear picture emerging about the strengths and weaknesses of family relationships where functioning, intimacy, and the composition varied. The participant’s sensitivity to and respect for the views of their parents (more so their mother over their father) is apparent. Yet this mutual connectedness is not only toward one of their parents as other participants were being open and responsive to the view of older siblings rather than their parents. Where youth gangs and delinquency possibly takes over is at the point when the degree of connectedness in family relationship wanes and the participants search elsewhere for substitutes.
Nonetheless their parents and older siblings commanded a lot of admiration and respect from the participants which they expressed in a four comparable ways. Firstly, participants and their relationships with their mothers behaved one way at home and behaved another way outside of the home, compared with, participants and their relationships with their fathers who behaved the same way at home and outside of the home in front of their peers/ gang. Secondly, participants and their mistakes were both supported by their parents. Their mothers visited them while incarcerated and provided things whilst contained to ensure their stay was comfortable. Their fathers tolerated their son’s consumption of drugs and alcohol and visits from girls to ensure they were safe at home and not looking outside of the home for these vices.
Thirdly, participants shifted in and out of their relationships with their parents and turned to their older siblings for support and guidance. They turned to their older sister because she was perceived as a mother-figure who seemed to have time for them and kept them connected to the family. Or they would turn to their older brother because he was perceived as a best friend where you would learn about life and its temptations. Lastly, a cultural factor seems to behind why participants
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continued to show respect toward their mothers and admiration toward their older siblings which is common in Samoan families. A form of respect that is a lot deeper in its meaning for the participants in that most acted in a way where they elevated the family member and lowered themselves at the same time. The role that the Samoan culture plays in the participant’s family socialization experiences is crucial not only in family relationships but also underpins other experiences such as the highlights and low points of growing up in their family homes.