Factor VI: Personal and Interpersonal Skills Cluster O: Caring About Others VI – O
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
A.A. Milne – English writer, playwright, and poetUnskilled
May not care much about the personal needs of direct reports
May be too busy to know much about direct reports
May believe work and personal life should be separate
May be more work and task oriented than most
May be very tense and impersonal with direct reports
May lack the listening skills or interest to know people’s hopes and problems
Select one to three of the competencies listed below to use as a substitute for this competency if you decide not to work on it directly.
SUBSTITUTES: 3,10,11,18,19,23,27,31,33,36,39,41,60,64
Skilled
Is interested in the work and non-work lives of direct reports
Asks about their plans, problems, and desires
Knows about their concerns and questions
Is available for listening to personal problems
Monitors workloads and appreciates extra effort
Overused Skill
May have trouble being firm with direct reports
May give them too much room for excuses
May not challenge them to perform beyond their comfort zone
May get too deep into their lives
May not be able to make objective calls on performance and potential
May not know when to stop showing care when efforts are rejected
Select one to three of the competencies listed below to work on to compensate for an overuse of this skill. COMPENSATORS: 9,12,13,17,18,20,23,27,34,35,56,57,64
Some Causes
Belief that work and personal life should be kept separate
Care more for other things than people
Fear being taken advantage of
Fear of being placed in counselor role
Low-priority activity
Poor listener
Too busy
Leadership Architect® Factors and Clusters
This competency is in the Personal and Interpersonal Skills Factor (VI). This competency is in the Caring about Others Cluster (O) with: 10. You may want to check other competencies in the same Factor/Cluster for related tips.
The Map
Caring for others is important on a number of levels. At the most basic is that people who are cared about return that care to others. People who are shown care work more effectively with and for the people who show that care. Cared-
for people feel better and are more positive to be around and work with than people who are ignored. Caring about others doesn’t have to be a soft or counselor activity—it simply means trying to show reasonable concern for direct reports in every way possible to help them perform and grow. People who care don’t just smile and act friendly. At the mechanical level, good managers know more about their people than just the work they do. They know a little about their history, a little about their current situation, and a little about their dreams, preferences and wishes. They foster two-way information. They pick up the early warning signs for problems before they become serious, and are quick to help others perform better by removing obstacles. Long term they help by developing their direct reports and giving them critical feedback to help them grow. At the deeper level, good managers show care because they care. Either way, managing the whole person will always be rewarded with better performance and a better feeling for you, the manager.
Some Remedies
1. Impatient? Be a better listener. Many bosses are marginal listeners. They are action oriented and more apt to cut off people mid-sentence than listen. They also are impatient and finish people’s sentences for them when they hesitate. All of these impatient behaviors come across to others as a lack of caring. It’s being insensitive to the needs and feelings of others. So step one in caring is listening longer. More help? – See #33 Listening.
2. Are you a closed book? Share and disclose. Share your thinking on a business issue and invite the advice of direct reports. Pass on tidbits of information you think will help people do their jobs better or broaden their perspectives. Reveal things people don’t need to know to do their jobs, but which will be interesting to them and help them feel valued. Disclose some things about yourself as well. It’s hard for people to relate to a stone. Tell them how you arrive at decisions. Explain your intentions, your reasons, and your thinking when announcing decisions. If you offer solutions first, you invite resistance and feelings of not being cared about—―He/she just dumps things on us.‖
3. Think it’s all about the work? Get to know your team. Know three non-work things about everybody—their
interests and hobbies or their children or something you can chat about. Life is a small world. If you ask your people a few personal questions, you’ll find you have something in common with virtually anyone. Having something in common will help bond the relationship.
4. Lacking empathy? Be open and accepting. Try to listen without judging initially. Turn off your ―I agree; I don’t agree‖ filter. You don’t have to agree with it; just listen to understand. Assume when people tell you something they are looking for understanding; indicate that by being able to summarize what they said. Don’t offer advice or solutions unless it’s obvious the person wants to know what you would do. While offering instant solutions is a good thing to do in many circumstances, it’s chilling where the goal is to get people to talk to you more freely. 5. Can’t relate? Seek to understand. Study the people you work with. Without judging them, collect evidence on
how they think and what they do. What drives them to do what they do? Try to predict what they will do in given situations. Use this to understand how to relate to them. What are their hot buttons? What would they like for you to care about?
6. Prefer to give the answers? Be more curious. Show you care what they think. Many people don’t ask enough curiosity questions when they are in their work mode. There are too many probing or informational questions and not enough ―what if,‖ ―what are you learning,‖ ―what would you change,‖ questions. In studies, statements outweighed questions eight to one and few questions invited others to really think things through. 7. Think everyone is the same? Treat people equitably. Caring is not treating people equally, it’s treating
people equitably. People are different. They have different needs. They respond differently to you. They have different dreams and concerns. Each person is unique and feels best when treated uniquely. More help? – See #21 Managing Diversity.
8. Afraid to get involved? Be concerned without becoming a therapist:
If someone brings you all his/her problems on a regular basis, pick one you think you can
help with and ask him/her to seek counseling or employee assistance for the others.
If someone is a rambler and repeats things, interrupt but summarize. This signals you
heard him/her, but keeps him/her from consuming time.
If someone is angry, let him/her vent without saying anything other than you know he/she is
upset. It’s hard for most people to continue very long with no encouragement or resistance.
If he/she keeps on, invite him/her to talk with you outside of work hours.
If someone is a chronic complainer, ask him/her to write down problems and solutions, and
then discuss it. This turns down the volume while hopefully moving him/her off complaining.
If someone wants to complain about someone else, ask if he/she has talked to the person.
Encourage him/her to do so. If that doesn’t work, summarize what he/she said without
agreeing or disagreeing, which will add still more time to the discussion.
If you have to criticize, avoid shoulds and rigid statements. Your role is to be helpful—the
notion should be to help the person be more successful. Pick a good moment; focus on
helping the person improve, not on making sure all your recommendations are written
down and acted upon. Draw a picture of how the person will benefit.
If someone is demotivated, focus on challenging job tasks and variety in his/her work. Ask
what excitement on the job looks like to him/her. More help? – See #19 Developing Direct Reports
and Others, and #36 Motivating Others.9. Sending mixed messages? Signal that you care. Watch out for unintentionally signaling to people that you don’t care. A—―I leave the details to others‖; B—―I’m not very organized‖; C—―I’ve always believed in taking action then sorting it out later‖; might mean A—―What I do isn’t important‖; B—―I’m left to pick up the pieces‖; and C—―I have to deal with the havoc‖ to your direct reports. Think about impact on them when you speak.
10. Need examples on how to care for direct reports? List your last 10 bosses on a piece of paper. Put five in the ―he/she cared the least about me and other members of the team‖ and the other five in the ―he/she cared the most about me and other members of the team.‖ How did the low-care group act? What did they do that showed they didn’t care? What didn’t they do that showed they didn’t care? What did the other group do and not do that showed they cared? Compare your analysis to how you behave as a manager.