Insumos

Posted at February 26, 2008

FUR = Fuck-up Report.

So, I went out last night feeling pretty good. The internal work I’ve been doing is paying off really well.

I’m experiencing the phenomena the Masculinity writers named ‘Fire in the Belly.’ It’s a real thing and it’s a good description. I have this pleasant swirling sensation at the top of my stomach right under the sternum. It’s moving to the center of my chest were it radiates to my limbs. Occasionally, energy seems to move up the top part of my spine and shoot out sending goose bumps all over my shoulders and upper back.

I got to the venue a bit early thinking I’d have a delicious diet beverage and an appetizer but when I got there all the tables were taken by couples and groups( so I nixed the idea.

There were only two girls when I got there and about 25 dudes. I started talking to a black guy (we’ll call him Black Dude from here on out) from Louisiana who had me cracking up.

While we were talking a really cute blonde with big boobs walked by and gave me an AI. He said, “Dawg( that’s you man( she wants it.”

I nodded in agreement. She had a big friend (and by big I mean tall and fat) with her. My utter disdain for 2sets with bad logistics made me hesitate and before I knew it a guy who looked like Clark Kent (not the acceptable looking Dean Cain version but the dork in the original movies) came in and chode intro’ed himself(

(and then he went for the ‘big’ friend! His friend came in and intro’ed himself to the cute blonde and about 2 minutes later they were all over each other.

Black dude looked at me and said, “He’s getting laid tonight!”

Black dude was cracking me up again because of his approach. His idea was to simply poke the girl as she walked by( if she stopped and smiled he’d talk( if she kept walking or looked at him like he’s a weirdo then he’d act like he didn’t do anything.

Around midnight the place was getting packed but the ratio was still about 5 guys to 1 girl.

A set of really hot girls strolled right up next to me at the bar( I looked at all 4 of them and said, “Hey, how’s it going?”

They all smiled and said, “good!” and the taller strawberry blonde one who was closest to me said, “We just got back from the mavs game”

(CAUTION: One of the most boring conversations in the history of the earth follows() CJ: Cool. You having a good night?

HB: Oh yeah, we’re having lots of fun. The mavs won!

At this point she’s facing me. The other 3 girls have kind of faded and are just looking at us. CJ: How’d Dirk do?

HB: He kept on missing!

CJ: Hmm( he’s usually pretty good (I looked this morning, he scored 29 points( there’s not a lot of missing going on when you score 29 points)

She says something I can’t remember. CJ: Where you from?

HB: I’m from New York.

CJ: Oh yeah, I was there awhile back. I don’t think I have an accent but when I was up there they kept on pointing it out and asking me to say things( like y’all.

HB: Haaa( yeah, I’ve been here 11 years and when I talk to family they say an accent has rubbed off on me( I say y’all sometimes but I’ll never say ‘fixin’

CJ: We’re fixinta go( HB: Haaa( yeah

At this point I notice that with each sentence she has been inching closer. She now has her luscious, above average, lightly freckled boobies pressed up against me.

GIGANTOR begins to stir( CJ: So what do you do?

HB: I’m a nurse( ER nurse( all of us are( (pointing to a group of about 6 hotties who are still watching us) CJ: Oh good( another nurse.

HB: What?

CJ: * Shaking head * HB: What?

CJ: I used to date an ER nurse, she was always stressed out! HB: I don’t get stressed out.

CJ: But it was so cute because she was so nurturing( One night we were hanging out watching a movie and I was going to pick up some food for us( as I was leaving she rushed over and said, “Oh no( you can’t go out there without your jacket.” She got my jacket out and zipped me up( it wasn’t really even cold outside. HB: Yeah, I guess all nurses are like that(

CJ: So you probably have that nurse schedule( 3 or 4 long days and then time off. HB: Yeah( But, I don’t think I’m going in tomorrow because I hurt my ankle.

At this point she is pushing her whole body against me. Her face is barely an inch from me. She’s looking up at me with those big Doe brown eyes. But, I’m supposed to be indifferent( (MUST remain indifferent(

(indifference is the dif – ah fuck it – I pull her into me and we make out like pornstars. She is cleaning my tonsils with her tongue. She grabs the top of my pants and pulls my hips into hers.

GIGANTOR nearly busts through my pants going from slightly chubby to fully erect purple headed womb ferret. I run “Jealous ex deleted my numbers(”

HB: I’m not jealous but I do have a temper. It’s the Irish in me. CJ: Irish huh? Not sure about you(

Strawberry fields. 8 Strawberries( Oh my god, you’d wear me out. “Did the farmer see you? Oh my god( you’re such a bad little girl!”

Make out. She rubs GIGANTOR.

CJ: All catholic girls I know have been into handcuffs and being tied up. She gives me another tonsil cleaning.

Some Miami tennis guy comes over and we go over to the table full of nurses. They’re all so hot I briefly consider trying to switch targets but then I nix the idea becaues they’ve seen us trying to swallow each other’s faces. We hang out there another few minutes before I pull her back to the bar.

Not much talking. Lots of making out. I undo her bra in about 2 seconds and cup her breasts and pinch her nipples. She says, “oh my god( you did that so fast! You better reconnect it!”

CJ: I’m really good at undoing them( not so good at redoing them. HB: You better! (She’s super turned on and attracted()

I manage to do it( and then she turns around and shoves her booty into my crotch and says, “Hmmm( somebody is having fun.”

HB: You’re a player aren’t you. I ignore.

CJ: Get out your phone. You can reach out to me sometime when you’re not busy. She calls me, “Now you have my number.”

I really, really should’ve tried for the pull. Damnit. I waited and then her friends came by and got her about 1:15. At 1:36 a.m. I sent her this text: “Bad girl.”

She replied, “No problems, no worries. Really enjoyed talking 2 u. Hope to talk 2 u soon.” I replied, “Yeah, reach out to me when you’re not busy.”

She replied, ‘If I would have been busy, i wouldn’t have messaged u. Have good night and b safe!”

I strategized via text with Sinn if I should go for it( but I think the ‘Have good night and b safe!’ phrase closes the door on “Drunk and Lonely” especially since neither of us were drunk (or lonely).

She might be worth a Day2. Superb body. Flat stomach. Juicy booty and big boobs.

I fucked up by being too sexual AND not trying for the pull. I think even a ‘I’m done with this place( walk me to my car’ would’ve at least advanced it far enough for a possible car close or her cracking and coming home with me.

Fun times even though it would’ve been a lot better to have another SNL to add to my body of work! ~ Captain Jack ~