Introduction

Love

Once you’ve found a man you can trust, then you’re free to love.

Sounds great, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, it’s not always that easy. Love is an emotion that’s often involuntary, independent of choice and practical decision making. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could control how it happened, when it happened, and with whom? Of course, those objectives can be negotiated up front, as many cultures throughout the world have proven, by way of prearranged marriages predicated on social status, financial stability, business relationships between families…in other words, everything but love. The hope is that love will follow. In many cases, it does not.

Vixen Say What?

There is nothing harder to obtain or maintain in life than true love.

The reality remains, however, that when the L-word does come into play, so does its inseparable partner-in-crime—unpredictability. Love itself has a way of appearing when least expected. Sometimes, from the very moment you lay eyes on a particular man and before you’re able to establish any foundations, you realize in that moment that you are his, wholly, fully, no question. You’ve had that feeling before, haven’t you? (And if you haven’t, brace yourself for the day you do!) It is a knowing, something so big, so irresistible, so all-consuming, you can’t fight against it. And you don’t want to. You meet a man and you instantly fall in love with him, and with that feeling you’re willing to

accept whatever baggage comes along. From a practical standpoint, this sounds crazy, but when the emotion hits you with gale-force intensity, it’s as real as it gets.

If this sounds like you that means you are a lover, in the truest sense of the word. You love love and all that it stands for. You embrace it. Love is the means, the end, the everything. Because of this, you give yourself over completely to your man, without terms or conditions. For many, this can be a frightening prospect, but not for the true lover. Even when your man has failed you, your feelings remain fixed, not despite his faults, but because of them. This type of love, what the Greeks called Agape—signifying a love that is self-sacrificing, unconditional, active, thoughtful, even divine—is considered the purest form, able to withstand the passage of time, even after it’s no longer romantic.

That all sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Still, you should know that just because you love your man and your love is rock strong and rock steady, this is not a sufficient reason to endure a painful relationship.

Because love’s natural mate is unpredictability, it is not uncommon to find ourselves wanting to be with someone who is simply wrong for us.

That doesn’t mean you can’t give yourself over to the feeling, which we’ve just addressed is a native instinct for the true lover, but you must know when to leave for the sake of your heart, health, mind, and spirit.

Love is in great abundance. The world is awash in it. Know and understand that you can never run dry of this emotion as long as you are willing to share it. But thanks to tons of books about soul mates, twin flames, and transcendent love, women have found themselves fixated on the idea of that one person who will walk through the door or bump into them at the supermarket or gym, perfectly matched and suited on every level, the cosmic answer and salve to every bad date and broken heart ever endured. Really, ladies, that is a lot of pressure to put on one man, don’t you think? That’s a lot of pressure for anybody. The truth is you will probably love many people in your lifetime, some of whom will stay, some of whom will go. Appreciate each experience. It was brought into your life for a reason. Savor these moments. Every man that passes through your world comes bearing

gifts, indelible experiences whose value you might not recognize at the time, that ultimately play a critical role in your personal growth. Our instinct is to interpret a short-lived affair as failure and fall into despair as a result, but it is often through experiencing what we don’t want in a relationship that we are able to focus our intention and attract a better match.

Vixen Say What?

Be sure no man can ever say you have been or done worse once he has left.

Ideally, to reduce the likelihood of disappointment, a woman should give her body only when love is mutual and her man is as invested on all levels as she. When that kind of commitment is present, passion takes on an almost supernatural form where you and your man are so exquisitely in tune that all worries, fears, and inhibitions fall away. You’ll find yourself willing to try almost anything with the man you want to share your life with. Those are the moments when sex transcends.

There is a unity of mind, body, and spirit between you as you both aim for the same objectives, of which bonding sexually is an important component. Sex is nothing without love. In its absence, you have flailing bodies connecting based on artificial hype. The hype may be strong, but the results are fleeting. Only in presence of love can the real benefits of sex endure.

We often mistake love for a romantic emotion, but, in the case of true Agape, we should love despite the romantic feelings we have for someone, even if that person doesn’t love us the way we had hoped. In order to do this, you must exist on a strong foundation of self-love.

We’ve all heard the saying, “Before you can love anyone else, you have to first love yourself,” but most of us don’t. Most of us just don’t know how. Take the time to fall in love with you. You’re the most important love you will ever know.

Vixen Tip

Undress and stand in front of a full-length mirror, no makeup, no fancy hair. Look at every inch of your body, everything that sags, ripples, and stretches. Know that though there are ways to improve certain imperfections, but also know that when you love yourself, you will never see any physical traits as imperfections. You will love it all! Treat yourself with love. Indulge in the little things that make you happy. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin, to take yourself out to lunch and enjoy your own company. Do things for yourself that make you feel special and loved instead of waiting for someone else to do them for you. Treat yourself the way you would want your mate to treat you. Uplift yourself with positive affirmations and feel secure in knowing you are loved with or without a lover.

Vixen Say What?

If you wish to ever find true love, you must truly love yourself.

Men can always sense if and how much you love yourself. Women who are happy with themselves give off a glow that is both infectious and magnetic to virtually everyone they encounter. Conversely, if you are self-loathing and insecure, people can spot this straightaway, especially a man who is in the market for such a woman. Such men will draw you in with kind words, then turn the tables, quick to accentuate your negatives and treat you as you have treated yourself. Remember, you will get only what you believe you deserve. When in love, be sure you are doing so selflessly and not with ulterior, self-serving motives.

Speak to him with kindness and understanding; listen with intent and empathy. Even when you’re upset, be so lovingly, not with harsh words.

As I enter my thirties, I realize that I’m still learning a lot about love and its true definition, purposes, and effects. After living most of my life not knowing love, I am more sensitive to and aware of it than most. I

appreciate the feeling of loving and being loved by my mate, my family, my friends, and myself. What I have learned is that in life, there is nothing more important than this. Love is everything because it is in everything.

Recap

Love is an emotion that’s often involuntary, independent of choice and practical decision making.

Love is a knowing, something so big, so irresistible, so all-consuming, you can’t fight against it.

Even when your man has failed you, your feelings remain fixed, not despite his faults, but because of them.

You can never run dry of this emotion as long as you are willing to share it.

Appreciate each experience.

Sex is nothing without love.

You’re the most important love you will ever know.

You will get only what you believe you deserve.

Love is everything because it is in everything.