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A minority of parents, and more mothers than fathers, mentioned the role that children‘s own views played in the arrangements; it was seen as crucial by some parents and as problematic for others. For example, one aspect that their children were seen to be most happy about was being able to have some flexibility and some say in the arrangements.

She wants to be with us equally. Different aspects are good/not so good at both houses and she is happiest with 50/50 and the ability to alter days if she wants/needs too - especially holidays with 1 parent etc. (267, mother of 13 year old in equal shared care)

One of the good aspects: Making it their choice. (276, mother of 14 and 10 year olds living with her most of the time)

He's old enough to do what he wants concerning contact. when he was younger his mother used him + his sister as tools to get back at me which i know caused emotional distress a lot of the time (915, father of 16 year old who moves according to his choice)

He is unhappy when his father does not allow him to have an opinion about the situation in which he lives. (7, mother of 12 year old living with her most of the time)

Similarly, the parents who were interviewed had a mix of views about the importance of children expressing their views and having some influence over the arrangements. For example, one mother said that her son had had no say at all:

I don‘t feel too bad about it, ‗cause I‘ve kind of had the belief that he‘s a kid and he should be allowed to be kid and really, he shouldn‘t have to worry about where he‘s going to live and when and, you know, his focus should be having a great time and being a kid and growing and I don‘t like sort of putting that adult issue onto him. (Interview 24)

Another mother said her adolescent son was reluctant to say:

Nothing, he didn‘t really have too much of a say in it [at first or when it went to court]

And what about now…?

I tried asking the other day, actually and he just ... he doesn‘t like to say too much about it, he ... he doesn‘t want to, I guess upset me, and I‘ve always feared that okay, he may want to go and live with his father full- time, that‘s .... that is a fear of mine.

For some parents, children‘s willingness to have shared care was a requirement for it to work. A step-mother observed her step-children‘s experience and suggested that it may be difficult for children to be in a position to change from shared care.

I do think that people forget that it‘s the children that are meant to be of paramount importance in these things and, you know, just having watched my stepchildren do it, I don‘t think it… I think it can work for a while. I don‘t know if it works long-term, but I think children would naturally, if they‘re confident enough at a certain age, say, ―I‘ve had enough of doing this. I just want to be in one place, and it doesn‘t mean I don‘t love you.‖ (Interview 36, mother)

Other parents indicated, however, that their children had been involved in the actual arrangements, in terms of the broad decision and the time split.

Okay, so how much of a say have the kids have in the different arrangements?

They have had a say, because they… we consulted them, definitely, about going to a full week and what they felt about that, and they both said they wanted to do it, but they also said that, you know, if either of us were unhappy, you know, they… They do show concern for us and they will sometimes comment, you know? Less so now because they can see that we‘re both very happy, but in the past they would sometimes say, ―Are you all right, mum?‖ You know, ―Are you going to be all right now

that we‘re going to dad‘s? You know, what are you going to do?‖ They would check that I had plans, you know?

So they were consulted about going to the week, and they were also consulted about the original arrangement, too, but I think with the half week they were definitely consulted about, you know, making it more equal. I think my son was very concerned that we make… that we give his dad equal time, and so, you know, we did try and do that for a while. So we do consult them. (Interview 32, mother)

In one case, for example, a father indicated that the children‘s view had influenced the decision about the arrangements, resulting in a less conventional split:

… and the girls did say to me, and I think they may have said in the process that it would probably make sense if daddy had them at ... had us at the start of the week ‗cause mummy doesn‘t always work Thursdays and she doesn‘t work Friday, so we might as well be with the days that mummy doesn‘t work. Now that was going to be a huge impost on my work, but I thought to myself you know I can‘t not respect the girls wishes and have it my way that they want 50% and then not ... within reason respect their wishes, you know hold on we want to be with mummy when she‘s not working. So I spoke to my work and we came to an agreement and ... so I now have them you know, every Monday/Tuesday night and every second weekend.

Okay, so that’s how the split is, is it?

Yeah. And ...So every Monday and Tuesday night is with me, every Wednesday and Thursday night is with their mother, every second weekend, so it works like five, five, two, two, five, five, two, two. …They wanted that, they didn‘t want seven days apart. (Interview 20, father)